helpwlove is offline helpwlove Post #1  October 26,2009, 7:06pm
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I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. My ex-boyfriend from the past, who we were all friends with and I had started talking again and became really good friends. I had always helped him in the past and wanted to be friends. I always told myself that I wouldn't fall for him again, but I did. And he supposedly did to. I believe he is a really good guy, who is just so low in self confidence because of his dad always giving him a hard time and some of his past girlfriends who always treated him terribly and called him an idiot and was overall mean. Well, like I said, about a year ago we were talking, have a lot in common, always had fun, deep conversations, basically were able to talk about anything and everything, and more. He had told me he thought he found what he wanted in a significant other and that I was amazing and was also his best friend. He felt so comfortable around me and it was easy to be himself for the first time and he would do anything for me. He said he would wait for me for however long it took. We grew really close, then my boyfriend who I am currently dating and had tried to break up with found out, and I know it is wrong, and I hate hurting people! This old boyfriend just made me feel happy again. My heart would race, I couldn't stop smiling, we talked about everything, true love, futures, what we really wanted. He was all I thought about and same for him. I had never really felt this way before. Now we don't talk because I am back with my boyfriend of three years who won't let me speak to him. We tend to fight all of the time he nit picks little things about me, I don't think we mesh and in know way do I feel the same way as I did with this other boy. Sadly, kissing him..I don't feel the fireworks that I felt kissing this other boy. He had tried to contact me some after all of this happened for about a month. Said how he didn't regret anything, but once my boyfriend and I started dating again, I stopped responding. I tried testing him about 4 months later and telling him how I felt again and he said that he couldn't change anything and we should just let by goners be by goners. I don't know what to do about my current relationship. I just want to be about. I am 20 years old and I just want to know if you have any advice. Is there any chance the boy I feel so strongly about, even to say love, and I have a future together? Or is it over between us and I should just move on. I love him, and I just want to know if you have any suggestions or help. Thank you so much! And I hope to hear from you soon!!!
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #2  October 26,2009, 8:25pm
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IMHO, you need to resolve the relationship you are currently in before doing anything about any other man. If you argue all the time, don't feel you mesh, and feel no fireworks, then you need to get out to be fair to yourself and to him.

Once you figure this out, then you can move on to other relationships whether they are with your ex or not. But until that time, it is unfair to all involved to string different people along while you try to figure out what you want.
 
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sailingtme is offline sailingtme Post #3  October 26,2009, 11:30pm
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Hi! My heart goes out to you. I understand that the situation you're in is very hard for you. First thing you need to do is stop thinking of the boys and start thinking about yourself your emotions and your needs in both of those relationships. If you should decide to move on from your current relationship you need to pace yourself with the other one. Kind of like applying a brake in the car. After all before you can turn the car around you need to slow down first. But that's not all, after you slow down you need to grief and heal your heart from your current relationship or the next one will just turn into the same emotional desert. You need all of those feeling come forth and then you can think about moving on and loving wholeheartedly.

Sounds like you already started to move away from your present relationship by developing close friendship with the early friend. And now you're stuck. Re set heart clear your head and allow yourself to heal and love again. If your first boyfriend moved on you need to respect it. However if you're not happy with your current relationship you need to re focus your attention on your feelings and on yourself and what it is you want out of a relationship.

best of luck to you my heart goes out to you .
 
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