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limonade34 limonade34 is offline
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I met a man through eharmony and we got to open communication and then began emailing (using our personal email accounts) back and forth every day or two. We were talking for about a month, and then he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. The next email I received from him was the usual "work's getting busy, I went to XYZ with my friends this weekend, how was your day" type of deal. I answered with something similar and never heard back. I figured he was no longer interested.

Last night, exactly a month since he last emailed me, I got an email from him apologizing for the lack of communication over the last month, saying that work has been really busy and can we go back to talking and can he call me. He had told me that there was a huge project going on at work around this time, but I doubt that work was the sole reason for him not responding to me- it takes what, two minutes to send someone an email saying hi?

Now I'm not really sure what to do. I haven't gotten involved in a relationship in the meantime (nor do I have many strong prospects), so I wouldn't mind continuing to talk to him- he generally seems like someone I would get along well with. On the other hand, why waste my time on someone who couldn't be bothered to talk to me for a month? Should I answer and see where it goes? Ask what was really up this past month? Ignore the email? Honestly, I just don't want to keep talking to him and then have him think poorly of me because I'm willing to still talk after being ignored for a month. So what would you do in this situation? Any advice greatly appreciated!
Last edited by limonade34; October 25th, 2009 at 11:25 pm.
- October 25th, 2009, 10:37 pm
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limonade34 wrote :
I met a man through eharmony and we got to open communication and then began emailing (using our personal email accounts) back and forth every day or two. We were talking for about a month, and then he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. The next email I received from him was the usual "work's getting busy, I went to XYZ with my friends this weekend, how was your day" type of deal. I answered with something similar and never heard back. I figured he was no longer interested.

Last night, exactly a month since he last emailed me, I got an email from him apologizing for the lack of communication over the last month, saying that work has been really busy and can we go back to talking and can he call me. He had told me that there was a huge project going on at work around this time, but I doubt that work was the sole reason for him not responding to me- it takes what, two minutes to send someone an email saying hi?

Now I'm not really sure what to do. I haven't gotten involved in a relationship in the meantime (nor do I have many prospects), so I wouldn't mind continuing to talk to him- he generally seems like someone I would get along well with. On the other hand, why waste my time on someone who couldn't be bothered to talk to me for a month? Should I answer and see where it goes? Ask what was really up this past month? Ignore the email? Any advice greatly appreciated!
If you wanted to reply...go ahead. I personally think nobody is THAT busy. It takes seconds....to just email somebody and ask how they're doing.

He was not busy with work....more like dating others and didn't work out and now he's moving on to you. My .02.
- October 25th, 2009, 10:47 pm
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limonade34 limonade34 is offline
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Yeah, I figured he was dating others. I just don't know if him moving on to me is a good thing or bad; he's still interested after a month, but is he going to think badly of me because I'm still willing to talk to him when it's so obvious that I'm second (or third, fourth, etc.) choice?
- October 25th, 2009, 10:56 pm
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It is better not to have many prospects than to try to start something with someone who's not that interested.
- October 25th, 2009, 10:58 pm
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nightling nightling is offline
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I'd say you don't really know enough right now to know one way or another whether he is worth talking to. Likely he was dating others, but so what? you guys weren't exclusive yet.
- October 25th, 2009, 11:10 pm
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limonade34 limonade34 is offline
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nightling wrote :
I'd say you don't really know enough right now to know one way or another whether he is worth talking to. Likely he was dating others, but so what? you guys weren't exclusive yet.
That's fine with him seeing others- my problem is mostly that I don't want to seem pathetic because I'm still willing to get to know him after he basically ignored me for a month. And you're right, I don't really know enough about him to go one way or the other, which is how I found myself asking here .
- October 25th, 2009, 11:22 pm
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limonade34 wrote :
That's fine with him seeing others- my problem is mostly that I don't want to seem pathetic because I'm still willing to get to know him after he basically ignored me for a month. And you're right, I don't really know enough about him to go one way or the other, which is how I found myself asking here .
we know him even less than you do tho ... and why would you appear any more desperate than him? he's the one who apparently struck out.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:29 am
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limonade34 wrote :
That's fine with him seeing others- my problem is mostly that I don't want to seem pathetic because I'm still willing to get to know him after he basically ignored me for a month. And you're right, I don't really know enough about him to go one way or the other, which is how I found myself asking here .
You’d only seem pathetic (to him) if you behaved pathetically. So, ask yourself if you would FEEL (or consider yourself to be) pathetic by responding to his email and resuming communication. If the answer is yes, then maybe you’re better off not responding.

Try not to put any more effort into worrying about what he’ll think of you if you choose to respond, *that* is wasted time. Do what you’re comfortable with. If you’re interested and comfortable picking back up with communication, then go ahead! What is the worst that could happen??

As for asking him what was “really up this past month”… I’ve gotta give a big thumbs down to that idea. Don’t do it. He owes you no explanation at all. And honestly, you’ve got no right nor reason to ask.

I’m curious though, (as a side note), is distance a factor? Or is there some other reason why you and he were in communication through email for a month prior to phone numbers being exchanged? Where there ever plans to meet?
- October 26th, 2009, 06:53 am
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Likewise, I'm curious if distance is an issue here, as that would make sense. On the other hand if you spent so much time e-mailing and you both live in the same town....you are way past due to meet in person and see if you would even remotely be interested in each other.

As for being the second choice, my philosophy on that is that unless you are his very first date ever, you are not second or third but probably one thousand and tenth and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The more we date the more we learn what we want and who is the right person for us.
- October 26th, 2009, 01:24 pm
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limonade34 wrote :
I met a man through eharmony and we
Now I'm not really sure what to do. I haven't gotten involved in a relationship in the meantime (nor do I have many strong prospects), so I wouldn't mind continuing to talk to him- he generally seems like someone I would get along well with. On the other hand, why waste my time on someone who couldn't be bothered to talk to me for a month? Should I answer and see where it goes? Ask what was really up this past month? Ignore the email? Honestly, I just don't want to keep talking to him and then have him think poorly of me because I'm willing to still talk after being ignored for a month. So what would you do in this situation? Any advice greatly appreciated!
I do not think that there is anything wrong with communicating him, while you are in search for other prospects. Providing you understand that he is probably not someone you can become real serious with down the road. Clearly you are not his first choice and there is always that possibilty when he finds something better he will end contact with you again and next time it could be for good.

You have no reason to feel bad. He was the one that did not contact you for a month and behaved poorly.
- October 26th, 2009, 02:21 pm
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