Tampa_girl is offline Tampa_girl Post #1  October 14,2009, 8:28pm
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Let me just hit on the main topics here:
I was married for 32 yrs (w/him for 36). I gave up my career, raised kids practically myself, paid for all of my own expenses + helped w/household expenses even though I was only making 1/4 of what he does as I helped him 5 yrs getting his career started (didn't know he was making $200K/yr as he always told me we couldnt afford anything). I worked through our whole marriage. Needless to say I loved him very much and cant help but feel some love towards him still but also am disgusted w/him as he has made my life very tough since he filed for divorce (he stole all our savings, stock, land etc then on top of that after I signed divorce papers not asking for anything he set me up to get me fired for company I worked w/over 11 years and lied so I dont get unemployment and have been out of work for a year, having to sell my home now). He went thru that "change of life" thing and married an 18yr younger homely, diseased china girl he had imported over but is still not happy at all. He threatened our kids (20 & 24) they had to live w/him or he wouldnt pay for their college books and they hate it there - my daughter is drinking more & my son is very depressed and there is nothing I can do to help them but listen to them.
I dont look my age (and act young) and people I meet, friends & family tell me I am a very sexy looking person.
The problem I have is I have been w/him since high school and now just turned 53. Everyone says to think about something else but everything I think of reminds me of him (ex: every 3rd song on radio was a concert we went to). I am making plans to try to move back east w/family but every day (more than once) I end up crying over the man I loved and gave up so much for - it's like I cant remember a life w/o him.
We've now been divorced over a year. The bank will not take his name of the house even though I have court papers stating it is mine and am worried he may try something else.
My question is will I ever get over this (and how do I get over this) and is it possible for me to every have another relationship? I am a very easy going person and only ask for honesty & consideration from someone, but there's a part of me that thinks (after all I did) I deserve someone who is financially stable enough to take care of me like he promised when he talked me into not pursuing my career - is that a selfish thought?
Actually I guess it's 4 questions, but any advice I get will be greatly appreciated.
Please don't anyone tell me I'm nuts or anything as this was the love of my life and unless you've loved someone so much and for so long I know it's hard to understand.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  October 15,2009, 8:40am
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I don't know what to say to you. I've never been in anything like your situation, I have no advice to offer.

But I just wanted to let you know that my heart breaks for you, and I wish you well.
{{Long distance hug}}
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 15,2009, 10:39am
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The simple answer is that yes, eventually you will get over him.

Right now you are probably focused on all the good things about him and all the positives you've had with him. However, read this post back to yourself - does that actually describe a good human being? No, it doesn't. So, next time you are sitting around thinking about the good times, makes a list of all the wrongs and all the horrible things he has done to you and your children and read it over and over until it sinks in. Take some time to reflect on how in the future you would ensure that a man does not use you, lie to you and treat you this way.

Ultimately, whatever you do, don't sit around and mope - get busy. Rely on your friends and your family to fill in some of your social time, volunteer for something. Do anything that will keep you busy. You are going through a horrible horrible time and moving out of the area and closer to your family and some type of support network is not a bad idea. Fresh places and new faces might be just what you need. Also, if you feel like you falling into depression and can't get out, please do get professional help. Don't let yourself go down in flames over someone who is not worth it. Best wishes and best of luck to you.
 
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sailingtme is offline sailingtme Post #4  October 15,2009, 6:29pm
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Hi Tampa girl.

I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I'm in the same boat as you are, my heart is broken and I'm trying to get my life back on track, I'm not going to lie to you it's not easy but, there is tons of help available to help you cope with the bad days. If you feel really bad swing by on here and we will carry your load for you. The posts before mine had some great advice please take care and always remember true love will find you. Right now you have to take care of yourself

Hugs
 
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