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heisall heisall is offline
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I have been dating this lady for 5 weeks. We have gone out 7 times. We enjoy each others company when we are together. We have deep conversation and have shed a few tears together. We hug, kiss, hold hands and walk together. I am getting very attached to her. Last evening she told me she is seeing two other guys as well. I understand that, but now I am not sure how she feels about me. I want to let her know how I feel about her, but am afraid I will scare her away. I text her everyday, I want to give her space to make her own decision about who she wants to date, I feel like I want to call her and ask her out, but don't want to demand too much of her time. Should I back off and give her all the space she needs and just wait for her to call me? Should I stop texting her everyday? I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to drive her away either. Any advice is welcome. I just started dating again after 25 years of be married. Its all new again. Please help.
- October 14th, 2009, 10:21 pm
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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First, don't panic.
It feels new and exciting because after so long a break it is new and exciting. But heaven and earth do not hang on the outcome of this particular relationship, so try to relax just a little.

In most cases it's a bad idea to skip a step, unless both people want to skip it. It's okay for you to let her know you want more, but don't start talking lifelong love and marriage and how there's nobody else in the world for you. Start with small steps - tell her you really like her and you're not interested in seeing anyone else. Don't even suggest she quit seeing other men - just mention that you don't want to see other women. Tell her once, then leave it alone until she responds. That way she knows how you feel and has the chance to reciprocate, but doesn't feel like you're demanding it of her if she's not ready.

Hope it goes well for you.
- October 15th, 2009, 08:00 am
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Raw_Truth Raw_Truth is offline
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5 weeks, 7 dates, some measure of intimacy and connection, and she's still seeing two other dudes?

Hard to say what her decision is or will be, but at that point I couldn't care less. I'd walk right then and there, and go find less/no drama elsewhere.

(NOTE: I have an extremely low tolerance for drama.)
- October 15th, 2009, 01:07 pm
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Bootsky Bootsky is offline
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I dont't know here. I feel that after 5 weeks and 7 dates that she shouldn't be dating other men. I wouldn't anyways. I would let her know that you like her and that you are not interested in dating other women and see what she says. I don't think that you should stop doing what you are doing as long as everything is going well. I would ask her where she stands and tell her how she is feeling. Ultimately, at some point, she is going to have to make a decision.
- October 15th, 2009, 01:49 pm
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flowerchild66 flowerchild66 is offline
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This goes back to the multiple dating vs. dating one person at a time debate. It works best when both ascribe to the same philosophy; if both parties don't, someone ends up with hurt feelings based upon divergent expectations.

IMHO, 5 weeks is soon to expect exclusivity. As far as how she may feel about you, I wonder why she felt the need to bring up the fact that she was seeing others. Unless it was a direct response to a question you asked, it would seem like a distancing move to me.

Why do you feel the need to give her more space? Did she request it or imply she desired it?
- October 15th, 2009, 02:55 pm
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NathanCM NathanCM is offline
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Cried with her?????

Sorry dude, you are totally in the friend zone. My condolences...
- October 17th, 2009, 10:47 pm
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1passionatefem 1passionatefem is offline
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I agree with Kevin. 1st ask here out more than just once a week and on your next date let her know you have no desire to date anyone else and leave it at that. Let her think about that.
The other thing that raised a flag with me was that she told you she was dating others. Maybe that was her way of letting you know to give you a clue.

I was dating two men at the same time until my current boyfriend asked me to be exclusive after only two weeks. His words to me were I would love for us both to take down our profile and see where this goes. My answer was yes and we have been together for six months and things are progressing nicely. Good luck.
- October 19th, 2009, 11:09 am
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dixiechemist dixiechemist is offline
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NathanCM wrote :
Cried with her?????

Sorry dude, you are totally in the friend zone. My condolences...
+1. She's using you emotionally, and getting her other fixes from the other dudes. It probably sucks for all of them.

I wouldn't end it w/o trying some of the other advice. I really like the idea of telling her you aren't interested in dating other women, giving her some time (like a week), and then asking at the next date if she's seeing other guys still. If she is, tell her you aren't willing to be in this sort of relationship, and if she says she doesn't know, tell her to call you when she does, but you aren't going to be around forever.

Ultimatums suck, and it isn't the way to go 90% of the time, but IMO its the best way to deal w/ it right now.

7 dates in 5 weeks is a lot for a girl who is seeing 3 dudes... Girl must be part player.
- October 19th, 2009, 12:07 pm
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KungFuFtr KungFuFtr is offline
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She's dating 2 other guys and you? Yeah, that would be a little much for me. Why does she need to date multiples. I understand initially for a few dates; however, you have been dating her for 5 weeks? How old is she?
- October 20th, 2009, 10:49 am
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Jamesks Jamesks is offline
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I've been in similar situations, and my response to learning that a date is seeing other people is to finish the evening politely, tell her "thanks for the fish.", and move on. I suppose that I'm a differant sort, but I've always been a one-on-one guy my-self and expect the same of others.

Also I have to wonder, like other posters, if she not just using you for emotional support.
- October 20th, 2009, 11:03 am
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