eHarmony Profile Makeover: May 2008


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Fatherof2gr8kids is offline Fatherof2gr8kids Post #21  November 23,2008, 1:11pm
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I was diagnosed unmatchable, what can I do to change this.
 
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teyasmom is offline teyasmom Post #22  November 27,2008, 5:48am
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I was very enlightened by this discussion. Previously I have revised my profile a few times but still have felt RESTRICTED by the questions themselves. Now, I think I realize what the questions ar really asking. Wish I read this article sooner!


I thought about the questions and how I think they restrict us.Here are my thoughts: The first two options are to explain the first impression that OTHERS have about you; to explain a quality that ONLY YOUR BEST FRIENDSknow. My struggle with these comes from the need to describe myself as I ASSUME others to see me!! In my life I have gotten very little feedback from others about what the first impression was. In the second case, since I am pretty much an open book and consistent with all of my acquaintances, the question about somthing thatONLY my best friends know would imply something VERY PERSONAL which I would definitely not place on a profile that is for a stranger. I would expect that to be something to share LATER in the relationship. So for me the honest answers to these questions would have been " I don't know" or "not applicable"!! Of course I didn't write these answers on the profile. But it was UNCOMFORTABLE to have to GUESS what the answer is. I could be guessing wrongly!Iwould prefer the questions to elicit information from us DIRECTLY, rather than putting us in a position of attempting to speak for others in our lives.


I had less struggle with the third and fourth questions, because they are DIRECT. But even then I think the questions can be restated to elicit more detail.You see, I think when someone is told to"name something" the tendency is to dojust that. In my profile I "named" something. I did not give a detailed explanation because I thought it was not the time or the place....I've noticed that a lot of my matches did the same thing.


My issue with the final question is this: from this makeover article it seems that thisquestion "is there anything else...." isintended as the place to really sell ourselves, yet it is placed a the very end and is asked as if we have already given a lot of information and this is just the last thing, the afterthought, the addendum....So my questionis:why leave it for the end? It implies something additional...like,"o, by the way, you should knowI own my own yacht..." or "I am allergic to bees...."The placement and thephrasing imply that it is just an additional comment. (At least that's how I interpreted it!) No wonder I struggle with this profile.From this article on the makeover, I realized thatthis last question might be the most important one of all because it is the first time we are FREE to express OUR OWN idea of who we are... So why not make it the center of the profile, and give it the importance it deserves?


The exercise was very enlightening about what is expected from us, and I'm gratful for that, but I do think that tweaking the QUESTIONS themselves would help immensely.








In the first case, I find that I am not always sure what first impression I give; it is a GUESS. I have not received too much feedback on this. The people in my life are loving and polite, and if there is something negative I am not always made aware.


If the intention of these questions is for us to express who we are more clearly, then the questions should be rephrased to elicit that!!! These questions (From the questions that are there, I thought that it is intended for the details to wait until we are actually in communication with a match.
 
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