Very Confused Here - Question About a Girl?


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dtt2802 is offline dtt2802 Post #1  October 6,2009, 3:55pm
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Guys I have a question here well I'm kind of over it now to be quite honest with you, but still got me wondering a bit. Well anyhow I took this girl out last Saturday and it was going great. Well as we was leaving the restaurant she's likes no you don't have to go back home yet, so she invited me to her dorm / apartment.

I was like great, so I followed her to her house. We talked for awhile and everything was going great. She asked me like 1000 questions I mean was asking me all kinds of stuff and just showing very high levels of interest. We made out and from what I sense she liked it a lot, she was all gloomy, and giddy.

Well then a few days later I ask her what her intentions were with me. I wasn't trying to jump into anything of course, but I'm just trying to figure out what her intentions are or who she see me as. Well she replied on Yahoo telling me that she was not ready for a relationship right now because she just got out of a relationship a month and half ago.

And most generally when a girl says that what she is trying to say is that she does not want a relationship with you. Well this was very confusing because she shows such high levels of interest in me even the next day messaging me. I even told her I wouldn't bother her no more and she like NO and I confronted her about what she said and what it usually means when a girl says that. She said that's BS, that I need to forgot about what I know about other girls because that is not what she means and she promises she is not playing games with me (she started getting really worried about if I was not going to talk to her anymore).

Then she just stated that she just can't make a decision yet. I think she thinks I'm trying to like tell her to make a decision now and I'm not. I was just asking what her intentions were, but it's like she can't even describe that...

What's even more interesting is that she was back on the dating site the next day and is on there everyday. Which granted she does get piled with messages, so she is probably checking them. The reason I know she was on there for is because I viewed her profile and said she was online. And I seen her on there various other times doens't really matter or anything just don't want to put too much effort into someone if I'm wasiting my time that's all..

What do you guys think? She seems to be really worried about me going the other direction.. I'm thinking I should just throw the ball in her court now and not message her and see what happens from there on out. I asked her if she wanted to come over this weekend she said yes as long as her friend is not coming to town this weekend....

What do you guys think, think I'm being played or this girl just doesn't know what she is doing and I should just leave the ball in her court and give it time? Maybe she is being honest... and I'm over reacting?
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #2  October 6,2009, 6:53pm
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I think you are too into her. Things went so quickly so soon, and you are expecting a lot from her. Take a step back from things. You are acting needy, and needy = bad.
Put some distance/time between yourself and her. Take the time to evaluate if she is really worth going after in the long term. Maybe she is full of it, maybe not. If she just got out of something, you may well have been the rebound guy, and now shes second guessing her actions. If you pressure her, she is going to regret taking things so quickly, and you wont stand a chance.
Be unavailable for awhile. Be busy. Do something that takes your mind off of things. Don't over-think this and get so attached so soon. Take your own advice, don't message her for awhile, and leave it up to her to figure out what she wants.
 
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dtt2802 is offline dtt2802 Post #3  October 6,2009, 7:09pm
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centralnydude wrote :
I think you are too into her. Things went so quickly so soon, and you are expecting a lot from her. Take a step back from things. You are acting needy, and needy = bad.
Put some distance/time between yourself and her. Take the time to evaluate if she is really worth going after in the long term. Maybe she is full of it, maybe not. If she just got out of something, you may well have been the rebound guy, and now shes second guessing her actions. If you pressure her, she is going to regret taking things so quickly, and you wont stand a chance.
Be unavailable for awhile. Be busy. Do something that takes your mind off of things. Don't over-think this and get so attached so soon. Take your own advice, don't message her for awhile, and leave it up to her to figure out what she wants.

Very good, I Agree! I think I might of over reacted a bit. By the way she just messaged me tonight, well it was the first thing she did when she got online. She sounded all excited for whatever reason, but she was wanting to know what we were doing this weekend and she wanted to come over.

I do need to pull back though. I think I gave in enough and I think it's time to set my distance like you stated. By the way she told me she is not playing rebound I didn't even ask her that she just brought it up out of the middle of no where and said she is not like that...

I'll just have to see.. Take it slowly and I'm not going to get all intimate with her this time like we did last time you know kissing and etc.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  October 6,2009, 7:35pm
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You only went on a date with her 3 days ago and you're asking her what her "intentions" are with you?!? How do you expect her to answer that? It's far too soon to assume you're exclusive, and even though you spent a wonderful night with her with lots of questions, you two really don't know each other that well.

I don't even understand the "what are your intentions" question. Are you asking her if she wants to be exclusive? Sleep with you? Marry you? Or what? What kinds of possible answers could a woman give to that question?
Last edited by Wonderwoman402; October 6,2009 at 7:37pm. Reason: typo
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #5  October 6,2009, 10:16pm
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It's the classic "it's me not you" BS using a previous relationship as a screen. As you can see, her actions, the only true metric on which to judge someone, say exactly the opposite.

She's lying. She wants to date, just not you. Why? Gods only know. Not worth your time to find out, though I will echo already-mentioned advice that the "what are your intentions" line of questioning sounds a bit strong.

Either way, forget it. She's playing games, and you're better than that.
 
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timairborne is offline timairborne Post #6  October 7,2009, 1:28pm
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Bro, I just had the same exact thing happen to me. only it took her a month to decide she wasnt ready for one. Only thing i can say is its either one of 3 things.
- she really isnt ready for a relationship or she still wants to date people so she can decide on who she would like to spend her time on
- You probably scared her with the "what are your intentions question.. very early to say that especially to someone thats still skeptical of another relationship
- or, shes one of those b***** that like to string along alot of guys for the ego boost/fun of it

Step back, give her some space and if she comes back to you then she did like you. if not you may have screwed it up or she was just playin you.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #7  October 7,2009, 1:59pm

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dtt2802 wrote :
Well then a few days later I ask her what her intentions were with me. I wasn't trying to jump into anything of course, but I'm just trying to figure out what her intentions are or who she see me as. Well she replied on Yahoo telling me that she was not ready for a relationship right now because she just got out of a relationship a month and half ago.
centralnydude.. hit the nail on the head.

I will only add..
Don't worry if your dates go back on line. You only went on one date with her. Did you expect her to cancel her account after one date.

This is called "dating". Some people will go on multiple dates until they become exclusive with a particular person. Now you may not agree with this, but it is a reality. So you're going to have to deal with the idea.

good luck..
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #8  October 7,2009, 7:02pm
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You're too into her, and she's losing interest in you fast.

People want what they can't have. Make yourself unavailable to this girl for a bit.
 
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Nurse22 is offline Nurse22 Post #9  October 7,2009, 8:18pm
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Sorry but i just had to...
She has been in a relationship for however long now and she is use to someone always being there for her no matter what....now that she isn't in a relationship she is lonely as hell and doesn't know what to do with herself.
Do not meet up with her this weekend.
She is looking for the attention and affection that she has lost. Trust me if she wanted to be with you, she would be.
Give it some time and dont give in to her. Save your self the heartache because your worth it.
Hope it all works out and Im sure there is another girl who would much rather be with you
 
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Derulux is offline Derulux Post #10  October 14,2009, 6:10pm
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Nurse22 wrote :
Sorry but i just had to...
She has been in a relationship for however long now and she is use to someone always being there for her no matter what....now that she isn't in a relationship she is lonely as hell and doesn't know what to do with herself.
Do not meet up with her this weekend.
She is looking for the attention and affection that she has lost. Trust me if she wanted to be with you, she would be.
Give it some time and dont give in to her. Save your self the heartache because your worth it.
Hope it all works out and Im sure there is another girl who would much rather be with you
Since everyone agreed with centralnydude, and rightfully so, I decided to agree with our resident Nurse. Couldn't agree more to the "do not meet up with her this weekend" line. I would just like to add, don't tell her today that you can't meet up with her. That will give her time to make other plans.. plans with someone whose company she may enjoy.. plans with someone whose company she may realize she enjoys better than yours. And that ain't the road you want to walk from the sounds of it....

I am also going to add that it sounds like you are the type of person who needs a concrete, well-defined world in which to live. You want the answer to "ultimatum" questions, and get frustrated pretty easily when someone is still trying to figure out what they want, mostly because you know what you want. Now, I'm not going to chime in whether this is good or bad, because that is very subjective and not at all constructive. But I think you're dealing with someone who is clearly the opposite of that, or is very close-guarded about her thoughts. In the first case, you will need to cope with that to make it work. In the second, you need to run. Run fast. Run far.

Lastly, be yourself. If "yourself" doesn't work, then "it" (relationship) won't work. That's why most relationships start at least six months in.. when two people finally let their guard down and are just themselves. That's when the real exploration begins. So, I say, skip the six months. Be yourself from the start. You may go on fewer dates, but the ones you go on will be worth it. Now, if you're looking to be a player, go on more dates, not have deep, meaningful relationships, then by all means, tell 'em what they want to hear. But I gather that's not what you want here...

Hope it helps!
 
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