joy2bewit is offline joy2bewit Post #1  October 6,2009, 2:43pm
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A friend of mines asked me a question and I didn’t really know what kind of answer to give her. So Here goes: She is in a relationship with a great guy, he treats her really well. She enjoys spending time with this man she truly see a possible fulture with him. But the only thing holding her back is the guy lives with his ex and he says they haven’t been intimate for 5 to 6 years they simply share the house together. My girlfriend simply can’t get pass this and is very skeptical about this situation and wants to go to his house so she knows that it is just a “roommate” situation. She can’t move forward unless. If it is what is and they are simply “roommate” like he indicates, should there be a problem him taking her to his home?
 
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foreverautumn is offline foreverautumn Post #2  October 6,2009, 3:27pm
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I'm curious. Do you know if he has invited her to his home?
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #3  October 6,2009, 3:55pm
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My response to this would be if it is indeed just a "roommate" situation, then he would have invited her to the house already and met the "roommate". This is highly suspect to me!!!!
I had a girlfriend who dated a guy for 8 months before she found out he was married!
She needs to see the house, bedroom(s), meet the roommate, etc.....
 
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joy2bewit is offline joy2bewit Post #4  October 6,2009, 4:20pm
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No he hasn't invited her to his house. She is constantly telling him that their relationship can move foward if he invite her to his house. His response is I will invite you there when I'm ready to do so. He acts as if she would be getting her way if he brings her to his house. I told her to leave him now before her feelings get deeper for this guy and she finds out that his relationship with his "roommate" is more than he says. But I'm not a therapist and I wouldn't want to advice her to leave him. I mean he could be telling her the truth. Right?
 
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foreverautumn is offline foreverautumn Post #5  October 6,2009, 4:53pm
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I agree with I couldwriteabook. If you have any influence on your friend, make her see the light.
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #6  October 6,2009, 5:10pm
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I can see maybe dating someone while they are still living with an ex if it's some kind of temporary situation. . . Like if, given the economy, they own a house together that they just can't sell and can't afford to live anywhere else? And maybe in that situation, even though there was absolutely nothing going on between them, it would be uncomfortable to bring dates over. But five or six years?? Why in the world are they still living together?
 
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Ciao_eh is offline Ciao_eh Post #7  October 6,2009, 5:54pm
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the question is...

Is your friend ready to accept that he might be lying? We can talk here all day, but these are her questions, not ours. In the end, he is either truthful or not and she is willing to explore this... or not. Sad to say, but as a friend, it seems like you have done what you can and she needs to take the next steps.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #8  October 6,2009, 6:02pm
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trackstar wrote :
I can see maybe dating someone while they are still living with an ex if it's some kind of temporary situation. . . Like if, given the economy, they own a house together that they just can't sell and can't afford to live anywhere else? And maybe in that situation, even though there was absolutely nothing going on between them, it would be uncomfortable to bring dates over. But five or six years?? Why in the world are they still living together?
Yeah like really temporary like one or the other is waiting for their new place to be ready to move into...or someone found themselves unemployed and can't get a place until they get a job. The clincher in this case is that this has been going on for 5 or 6 years. I can understand being uncomfortable bringing someone to the house if you are living with an ex even if things really are platonic. But there is something else going on here in my opinon.
 
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Desperate2009 is offline Desperate2009 Post #9  October 7,2009, 5:01am
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It sounds like a very complicated situation. She needs to ask her BF to be completely 100% honest, and tell her all the details and history.
Then she needs to decide whether she’s prepared to believe him, and whether the facts he has outlined are acceptable to her?
At some point in every relationship, you have to take a risk and start trusting your partner. She should judge the relationship based on it’s merits, and not dismiss it simply because his past is complicated.
Last edited by Desperate2009; October 7,2009 at 5:05am.
 
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