Undesirable & Unwanted around Single Girls


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Shaun85 is offline Shaun85 Post #1  October 6,2009, 7:14am
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I am a 23 year old male. I've never been in a relationship nor have I had sex. I've counted nearly 19 girls since i was 20 that I've asked out and they were all either in existing relationships or told me i wasn't their type. And I don't understand why!! I feel that I get along great with girls. The female friends I do have all have boyfriends and don't seem keen enough to give me advice or tell me what im doing wrong. Im strongly in favor of the idea in meeting single girls and just starting off being friends for a while getting to know them first and weighing up whether i'd like to date them at some point, but it always seems to backfire! they hook up with new boyfriends much quicker than how fast Super Man can fly. I can't understand why girls don't find me attractive or desirable enough to go out with me. I never try to come on too strong, i approach it in a calm, polite and humble manner around girls ive never met. I compliment them on somethings that attract me be it their hair, dress, smile, sense of humor etc. I never judge or try to make a person feel uncomfortable about themselves. Im not shy I am usually the first to make a move. I'm very easy to talk to, I listen, Im outgoing, love to laugh and I'm reasonably good looking. I go out to plenty of places like Singles functions, bars, clubs, parties, college and participate in numerous outdoor social group activities and still don't find any luck. What is wrong with me? and what should I do?
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #2  October 6,2009, 7:48am
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Your answer.. these points:
Shaun85 wrote :
Im strongly in favor of the idea in meeting single girls and just starting off being friends for a while getting to know them first and weighing up whether i'd like to date them at some point, but it always seems to backfire! they hook up with new boyfriends much quicker than how fast Super Man can fly.

I never try to come on too strong, i approach it in a calm, polite and humble manner around girls ive never met.
In as nice a way as I can say it, you sound boring. If you want to get to know a girl in a romantic way, make your intentions clear at the start. Be bold, be funny, be charismatic, but don't be "friendly". When you meet a girl, they are going to fairly quickly, lump you into one of 3 categories. 1. Loser, 2. Friend Material, 3. Dateable. Of course if you play the friend right off the bat, its gonna backfire. Its a lot easier to move from 3 to a 2, than a 2 to a 3. If you don't spark an attraction in the first couple sentences you say, you are most likely going to be stuck in category 2.
Thats not to say that you have to throw yourself at them, or be a jerk. You have to change your approach. Being a reformed "nice guy", trust me here. Humble is probably the worst way to approach. Being over-confident will probably get you farther. You have to approach them with the idea that you are a funny, confident guy.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #3  October 6,2009, 8:18am
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centralnydude wrote :
Your answer.. these points:


In as nice a way as I can say it, you sound boring. If you want to get to know a girl in a romantic way, make your intentions clear at the start. Be bold, be funny, be charismatic, but don't be "friendly". When you meet a girl, they are going to fairly quickly, lump you into one of 3 categories. 1. Loser, 2. Friend Material, 3. Dateable. Of course if you play the friend right off the bat, its gonna backfire. Its a lot easier to move from 3 to a 2, than a 2 to a 3. If you don't spark an attraction in the first couple sentences you say, you are most likely going to be stuck in category 2.
Thats not to say that you have to throw yourself at them, or be a jerk. You have to change your approach. Being a reformed "nice guy", trust me here. Humble is probably the worst way to approach. Being over-confident will probably get you farther. You have to approach them with the idea that you are a funny, confident guy.
+1

Humble is probably the worst way to approach.
Be confident. Know you are worth having. Women can smell that.

I'm still a nice guy, I just learned not to care. So I'm still single, but it doesn't bother me any more. But some women are attracted to me - it's always the ones I don't care about, so I'm not overly nice to them. If you really want your dating life to improve, stop thinking of yourself as "undesirable and unwanted" and start projecting confidence. To a woman, a man who is intimidated by her is not usually attractive.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #4  October 6,2009, 9:00am

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I did not read anywhere in your post that you are tyring e-dating?

While I do agree with the above posts. There is a possibility you are trying to date women who are out of your league.

You might want to consider trying e-dating, where your profile will give a brief insight to who you really are. Some women will find what you have to offer attractive.
Just a thought
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #5  October 6,2009, 9:10am
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Part B here, is numbers.
Look at it this way. 19 girls approached in 36 months works out to about 1 approach every 2 months. Not only do you need to change your approach style, but frequency as well. No matter what you do, or how confident you come across, you will get rejected. For whatever reason. The only solution to that is to keep trying.

Say hi to everyone. Male, female, old, young, etc. The more you talk to people, no matter if you are interested or not, the more confident you will feel approaching ones you are interested in. Up your odds. Try and set a goal to approach 1 girl every couple weeks, then every week. The more comfortable you get, the more approaches you will be able to do.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #6  October 6,2009, 11:57am
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I think maybe your approach might be a problem as well, but not necessarily the quantity of girls you are trying to ask out. I think the problem is how you said that you are interested in taking things slow and being friends and then deciding if you want to be with them romantically. If you like a girl and want to see her as more then a friend, you should tell her this upfront or make it clear that you are not looking to be her friend. The problem with taking things slow and becoming friends first is that you will most likely do just that: become a friend. Then it becomes hard to get out of that zone. Also, confidence speaks numbers to a girl. If you walk up to her and act like you are worth dating, she might see that. With the number of girls you say you have asked out and got rejected with you have now got this attitude that you are "undateable" and maybe that comes across when you are asking girls out. Just a thought.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 6,2009, 11:58am
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Absolutely excellent advice by centralnydude - listen to him.

Starting off as "friends" is a nice theory that for the most part does not really function. Yes, sometimes this happens, but normally romantic relationships start out with romance and the friendship develops more or less simultaneously. However if you friendzone yourself, the chances of you becoming more than that is one in a billion. Just remember, there are fair tales, there are theories, there are one in a million chances and then there is the real world and that's where you live. In the real world, if you want a relationship, you will have to say so from the get go and you will need to build up your confidence and grow a really really thick skin for rejection and 19 girls rejecting you is absolutely nothing.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 6,2009, 5:05pm
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Shaun85 wrote :
what should I do?
You should sit back with the beverage of your choosing and realize that this is what adulthood is like.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  October 6,2009, 7:59pm
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If you treat a woman like a friend, she will see you as one. If you treat a woman like a girlfriend, you increase your chances.
 
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datinglol is offline datinglol Post #10  October 6,2009, 8:23pm
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Centrainydude's advice is great. Just to add there a few things that stood out about what you said. If you approach as a friend and want a long time to get to know a girl you're very likely to come off as uninterested or even cold. I've had guys just hang around as 'friends' and to me that means 'he's not interesting in dating me'. Strike while the iron's hot, as the cliche goes. Personally, I want a guy who's warm, affectionate, and open to love. If he's afraid to move in for a kiss he may be afraid to fall in love.
There's an Awesome book called How to be a People Magnet. It's not just about what you do, but also how to tell what someone else is saying with there expressions and body language. It's not a body language book, it just lets you know the big signs. If a girl sees you and looks down - she's open, sees you and looks to the side - she has mixed feelings, if she sees you and look up she's either happily dating or otherwise uninterested (this is just an example of the info). Its a one at a time type book - so you won't wind up seeming clinical
But above all - don't be afraid of a failed relationship. Don't be the casual sex type (women think as lowly of man whores as men think of sluts) - but you learn a lot from both successful and broken relationships. We all hope to find 'the one', but if we never dated that would never happen.
Good luck
 
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