What would you do? Is this wishful thinking?


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SweetNSassyMe is offline SweetNSassyMe Post #1  October 5,2009, 8:51pm
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Hi all

What would you do if you were in these shoes??

Met a guy who is close to my age of 35.. pretty much everything I'm looking for in a guy. He is active duty military, which I come from a military family.

We met up at a local sports bar we both were familiar with, we were talking for a bit while the game was on (i more of a fan than he is) and went to dinner and did some more talking, finding out about each other and did a little dancing after that. The date seemed to last for hours.. about 6-7, where we both didn't want to go home, but at about 1am we had to because we both work early hours. He kissed me goodnight. Btw.. A Complete Gentleman throughout the night, walked me to my car, held my hand, opened doors, etc.

Two days later he called me for a second date which we planned for the next day, We went to a movie, and had dinner. We talked during dinner and learned more about each other after a movie where we were cuddling during the entire movie, yet still being "polite" about it as much as possible because we were in a family oriented movie. We again had a difficult time saying goodnight, and spent about an hour talking outside the theater where he admitted that i've been on his mind alot, and again this time around 2am we had to go home, since I had to get up at 6am and he cannot be late for work in the military.

3 days later we plan a third date for saturday night.. I found out about a free drink night happening at a local resort here, and they have a live band. We went, danced a bit and was able to talk in between live sets. We didn't have any time restrictions, and honestly I was a bit tipsy enough to let my guard down a bit. Not so much that I couldn't drive, or be in total control of my own body. It was getting to be about 1am again, and we were out in the parking lot. I initiated the drive back to my place.. I was starting to feel the alcohol a bit and I know what I wanted, he having no objections at all, and I didn't want to leave my new car I just bought at the resort. He followed me home, we had sex that night, he stayed the rest of the night, cuddling me most of the night. He noticed when I left because I couldn't sleep.

All that happened about 2 weeks ago now. He has said in subsequent emails, calls, and text messages, that he had a great time, enjoyed the times we have been out, and would like to do it again. However, he hasn't asked to see me again, even though I have asked him. I again get an email this past Saturday again expressing that he's enjoyed our time together, likes me, and wants to see me again... that he is just really busy.

I tend to give military guys a break because being active duty is such a guessing game with where you are from day to day. I've personally experienced this when in just one year I moved 7 times to different Army bases in the US. So what gives?? I mean, I've always heard my friends say if a guy doesnt contact you after 7 days he is no longer interested. He's contacted me.. but hasn't seen me... I would think someone who claims to still be interested would want to see that person. But he hasn't...

Any suggestions?

S
 
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Sucia1969 is offline Sucia1969 Post #2  October 5,2009, 9:33pm
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dang, I keep seeing similar situations all over the boards, wich is kind of good, because now I know it didn't just happen to me. Honestly I don't know what the deal is.At least he is still contacting you. With my experience I completely backed off when the contact slowed down, and changed tone, for fear of being hurt further. I still want to contact him every day to see how he is, but don't. trying hard to be mature
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 6,2009, 2:43pm
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Perhaps he is genuinely busy, but more likely he is just a weak person when it comes to personal matters who does not have the guts to tell you that he is not that into you and hopes that you will figure it out and move on on your own accord. Or a worse alternative is that he put you on the backburner and is keeping in touch just enough to keep you there in case things don't work out with more exciting options.
 
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SweetNSassyMe is offline SweetNSassyMe Post #4  October 6,2009, 7:38pm
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And that is exactly what I am doing.. walking away.

I really dont understand why guys cannot be honest...
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  October 6,2009, 7:41pm
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Everyone likes to "earn" things. To have to work a little for what they want.

You gave him what he wanted on the third meeting. So is it any wonder that he isn't working as hard any more?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  October 7,2009, 4:37am
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I kind of have to agree with Melman here ...he feels like he has 'conquered' you ...so now he either no longer feels like he has to work as hard and put in all the major effort, or he's keeping you on the back burner while he is off to his next conquest.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #7  October 7,2009, 5:36am
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I'm in agreement with melman and bb, they've both summed it up pretty well.

It seems possible that the guy is keeping contact with you in order to keep you as an option. Back burner. (I think that was already mentioned?)

He already knows where 3 dates worth of effort led... he probably sees no reason to cut off all contact at this point, and figures he'll go along with this as long as you'll let him. Have you considered that he may just be tossing crumbs in your direction?

My suggestion? Consider if you want to be a crumb-picker, and someone's (possible) booty-call. If that's not your thing, stop responding to his emails, texts, phone calls and leave yourself open to the possibility of meeting someone who's interested in more than an occasional get-together with you.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #8  October 7,2009, 2:11pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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"He noticed when I left because I couldn't sleep."

Were you trying to tip toe out un-noticed?

Maybe he thinks that he's the booty call?

Wouldn't be especially flattering to wake up in the middle of the night and discover the drunken fling you just had was trying to get away whilst you slept.

Or have I got it all wrong?
 
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