Great match, not so great timing.. :-/


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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #1  October 5,2009, 11:22am
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Still looking for that person whos life has given them vodka...

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I've gone through GC and OC with this match, and I have her cell #, and we have texted back and forth a few times now. Shes great, understanding, and really the first match I've had on here that clicked.
Problem is timing. Its not good for either of us at the moment. She just interviewed for a new job, which she is likely to get. So her schedule is undetermined right now. I also just went through the latest musical chairs of jobs at work and will be in a new position next week training, and who knows what my hours or availability will be yet. To top it off, it was going to be a LDR to begin with. An hour and a half away. We already had the LDR talk through email, and we were fine with it then. But this whole text/email communication can't go on forever, we have to meet at some point. I get the feeling she is starting to pull back because we haven't met yet. I figure things would be less hectic for both of us in a couple weeks, but I'm not sure I can keep her interested that long now. Any thoughts here?
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  October 5,2009, 12:29pm
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If it's really that great of a match, then why wouldn't you do whatever it takes to keep it going?

Of course, this is coming from a man who at one time drove three and a half hours one way every weekend for months, trying to make a relationship work, and in the end it failed anyway.
I flew to NYC (from south louisiana) once to meet a woman, didn't like her, but had a great vacation.
I flew to Lubbock Tx once to meet a woman, liked her, and she didn't like me. But again, had a nice vacation.
The dating pool for me locally is non-existent, so I just decided I'll look as far as I have to and if I find the one, we'll make it work.

I say, make the effort to meet her at least once. Even if you spend more time driving than you spend with her (3 hours driving + 2 hour dinner) if you can manage to do that once, on a weekend, then you'll have more experience to base your decision on - whether it's worth the extra effort or not.

It all depends on how much effort you personally think it's worth.
 
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whatalife1683 is offline whatalife1683 Post #3  October 5,2009, 12:48pm
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If you want to make it work, you can try if both parties agree. By the way, an hour an a half drive is really not a LDR IMO. However, i live in California, and many drive that daily just to go to work or school. Try to talk to each other, and let one another know you don't really live that far. You can easily meet each weekend, and occasionally during the weekday. If there is no agreement, then you cannot really force it.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  October 5,2009, 1:00pm
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I'm with Kevin. It's so rare that you meet a Match where you click right off that why sabotage it? I dated a man from Seattle for a year and I lived in Florida. It required some sacrifices and some effort but the time spent with him was worth it. I drove two and a half hours every other week to see another man I was dating. It didn't work out but the experience was well worth it. I've also been known to fly to other states only to have some of these Matches poof because they misrepresented. Still all in all well worth it. I found out what I needed to know before I'd emotionally invested.

My point- how often does the magic happen? Don't make excuses go for it.
As you said, timing is everything and she may be thinking ... excuses...excuses.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  October 5,2009, 1:27pm
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I long for being only an hour and a half away from my match! Like you and yours, we "clicked" right off the bat. Problem? He lives in California, I'm in New England. That wouldn't be so bad but he travels like crazy and was soon to leave for a trip to the South Pacific for work, which is where he is now. And before that, during much of our communication, he was in Latin America. We won't be able to meet until December. But each of us thinks our match seems good enough to be worth the risk of a wait. Meanwhile, we e-mail, video-link, & phone.

If you both think the match is right, you can work to overcome the difficulties. I wish you luck!
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #6  October 5,2009, 1:44pm
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True, an hour 30 isn't THAT far, but distance is relative.
Its not the distance thats a hang up. The only reason I brought it up, is that I can't "just stop by for tea" ya know? It takes a bit more planning than that.
My concern, is that shes gonna feel under pressure, (well, me too) because of all this outside stuff. First date jitters are enough on their own. I don't want to be caught up in thinking about other stuff, and I'm sure she doesn't want to be constantly thinking about other stuff. How are you supposed to concentrate on each other, when you have a lot of other stuff on your mind?
I'm not saying it can't work. I want it to work. I just want the first meeting to be low pressure, relaxed. I'm trying to figure out the best way to do that. Maybe a less "formal" date would ease some of the jitters?
 
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smileatjen is offline smileatjen Post #7  October 5,2009, 5:08pm
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I believe it has to the be the right person, at the right time, and under the right circumstances. If those don't exist, then its probably not going to work out. So if there is a lot of change, give it time and see what happens just don't have expectations.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #8  October 5,2009, 5:57pm
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Well, I'm making progress. I think. Every time I start second guessing things, she seems to surprise me. The whole texting thing just didn't feel right, so I went back to good old email. We both write a lot. And texts just made our back and forth banter seem really off. Sure enough, I get a lengthy email back, like nothing had changed. I've even finally got her to crack a few jokes at my expense. Finally! I'm one to playfully crack jokes and poke fun (all in good taste) with someone I'm interested in. And she finally turned on me and gave it right back. I figure her comfort level with me is good enough she can feel safe cracking jokes at my expense now, which is a really good sign I was hoping I would see from her. Shows shes letting her guard down, which makes me feel better. She realizes that we are both busy, and she made the comment that she loves her work, but knows there is more to life than teaching other peoples kids, and she is working on being "less busy". Maybe timing isn't as much an issue as I was thinking.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #9  October 5,2009, 6:04pm
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Iconography wrote :
If you both think the match is right, you can work to overcome the difficulties. I wish you luck!
Thanks! I wish you the same!
I hope my new manager can be accommodating of the idea. My other position I am being forced out of would have worked fine, because my work hours and her work hours would be similar. With the job change, I'm not sure how the scheduling is going to work yet, but hopefully my new boss will be understanding of this situation and work with me.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  October 5,2009, 6:17pm
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I still say don't wait too long for a meet up. When a man appears to be dragging his feet (I'm not saying you are) but we're from Venus we think differently - it's a major turn off. Time to invite her to lunch, and on a weekend when you can take the leisurely 1 and a half hour drive. BTW I read a survey that said if men have to drive longer than 20 minutes to where a potential love lives could be a deal breaker. You like this woman so at least let her know what you're thinking. We're rooting for you!
Last edited by Alli824; October 5,2009 at 6:27pm.
 
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