dreambig81 is offline dreambig81 Post #1  October 3,2009, 6:33pm
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I have been writting to a man for a month now and he only writes every 5-7 days. I'd love to talk with him daily to see if we have that "something special". He is an awesome man and seems interested. However, in his "must have's", he says he needs considerable personal time to be himself. I feel as though if there were a "we". he would want to email, (phone), etc. at least every other day. Plz advise.
 
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SoNotRight is offline SoNotRight Post #2  October 3,2009, 6:37pm
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Well, either you two are incompatible in the "space" category and you'll always be disappointed.

OR

You could try moving to regular email and/or phone...maybe he doesn't enjoy logging into eH alot or it isn't easy for him to do so i.e. at work or something and regular email might be faster for him.

If you really like him I would try giving him another avenue to communicate and see if you get better responses. Good luck!
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #3  October 3,2009, 6:45pm
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Just over a message a week seems a little slow, but do you know how busy he is otherwise?

You don't really want to get the communications rate to once per day as that's not going to be sustainable for any length of time. (2 or 3 times per week is a good goal to set.)
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #4  October 3,2009, 7:02pm
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But what if you do begin to communicate more frequently? Are you sure you won't be overwhelmed?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 4,2009, 11:08am
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I think that if you are interested in someone then you should be responding to e-mail within a day or two at the most.

The very fact that you have asked this question indicates that you and he are not a very good match.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #6  October 4,2009, 11:09am
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this is precisely why i delay answering in guided communication but have been told on these boards i am being manipulative for waiting to answer for at least three days.

it is all about setting expectations. you should never do at the start of a relationship what you are not willing to do for the duration of the relationship. if you always intend to answer every communication, email, phone call, whatever as soon as it comes in- then you better never ever miss a call or delay an email.

but if the other knows up-front that you may or may not always be available and may or may not immediately return a call or pick up or answer and email- there will be less drama.

but then, i haven't been successfull at the dating game recently either...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 4,2009, 11:10am
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DDjr wrote :
Just over a message a week seems a little slow, but do you know how busy he is otherwise?

You don't really want to get the communications rate to once per day as that's not going to be sustainable for any length of time. (2 or 3 times per week is a good goal to set.)
Since I am truly interested in finding a date / mate I WILL find time to communicate on a regular basis.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 4,2009, 11:53am
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notyet wrote :
if you always intend to answer every communication, email, phone call, whatever as soon as it comes in- then you better never ever miss a call or delay an email.

but if the other knows up-front that you may or may not always be available and may or may not immediately return a call or pick up or answer and email- there will be less drama.
No, you are making your own artificial drama for no good reason.

If I know that you will respond to any communication as soon as you are able to, and that you are sincere and not playing games with your availability, then I know I can trust you.

But as soon as you betray my trust, you are out. Simple as that.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #9  October 4,2009, 1:07pm
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melman wrote :
...you are making your own artificial drama for no good reason...
if i were in a relationship with someone and we were discussing that communication, then i would agree with you. as it is, matches are not even acquaintances. how does one create drama when there is no relationship?

that is not to say consideration should not be given to all regardless of level of friendship. BUT... to sit at the computer continually checking for and sending responses is unrealistic and builds unrealistic/unhealthy expectations. even EH suggests giving matches time to respond and counsels patience.

if one cannot wait for a day or two for a response- let alone several days- i really don't want to be in a relationship with that person to begin with.

any of you lurkers out there who happen to be my matches and don't like what you read- feel free to close me out now.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  October 4,2009, 1:17pm
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No one is saying that we expect our matches to sit at the computer waiting for a communication.

But what we are saying is that if we send a communication, and we see that you have received it (the time stamps on the communications make this easy to see), and you choose to wait 1, 2, 3 days to respond, then you are playing a game that doesn't reflect well on you.

If you've got the available brain cycles to think about how long you're going to delay your reply, you've got the time to answer a communication promptly.
 
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