Lilsporty2 is offline Lilsporty2 Post #1  October 1,2009, 3:02pm
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I live in california, I have been in my relationship w/my boyfriend for 6yrs 3mos. now. Living together for a little over 5yrs now. He is still legally married, not legally separated, he's been out of the home w/her & his kids for 7yrs now. He hasn't filed for a Divorce or a Legal Separation? He says that's due to financial reasons and her being ill w/Lupus and her needing his Medical Benefits? He has assured me that he is no longer in love w/her, nor never wants to return to her. I have spoken to her, too. She feels the same.
He says he plans on retiring in 5yrs, and when he's ready to retire, he will then consider Divorcing her cuz he says by then he would need to in order to add me to his retirement plans and his medical? All this sounds fishy to me and I feel like he's stringing me along??
He insists that I be patient and wait, cuz it will all work out?? I am very much in love with him, as he says he feels the same for me. I'm 45yrs old and I'm tired of waiting......I'm worried he's just stringing me along. Unsure of which way to go?? Do I hang around and wait for him because I love him?? Or should I move on until he corrects his problem??
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 1,2009, 3:14pm
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Since he is married to someone else you should have moved on 6 years, 2 months and 29 days ago. The only thing worse than the situation you are now in is being in it for 6 years, 3 months and 1 day.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 1,2009, 3:39pm
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I gather from your post you live with this man? This suggests that the part about not “being in love” with the wife is true.

For sure, men tend to get destroyed in divorce, so his situation might be optimal under the law and other constraints he faces.

In my opinion, all of this might be legitimate. While I do not think I would tolerate it personally, I suggest you get professional advice on any statements he has made, and any rights you feel you should have. (Meaning, consult your own attorney, who can inform you of the legal issues pertinent to your situation in your state.)

If his statements appear correct, then it is in your heart to decide to stay. If your counsel demonstrates his statements to be false (and in a way due to self-serving and not ignorance), then I think you should exit the situation.

***

I expect you will get some pretty strong, one-sided opinion on this issue. However, unless people understand the legal and economic issues at hand, I would discount their opinion accordingly.

If I was in a situation with a woman, due to external constraints, and she left me to “move on while I corrected it,” I would find a different woman.

Good luck to you.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #4  October 1,2009, 4:09pm
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He will "consider" divorcing her in 5 years ?

Actually...are you happy ? Do you need his medical or to be married to stay happy ? If not, why worry about it ? 6 years together...what do you have that would make him string you along if he didn't care ?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 1,2009, 6:41pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Since he is married to someone else you should have moved on 6 years, 2 months and 29 days ago. The only thing worse than the situation you are now in is being in it for 6 years, 3 months and 1 day.
+1E99
 
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