texx77 is offline texx77 Post #1  September 28,2009, 11:19pm
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Background:

I am a 21 year old good-looking (or so I've been told) college student who works at a very popular bar and has access to the most beautiful women on campus, I am in a [serious] relationship, which is also my first relationship, and I don't know how to end it without breaking her heart.

I have been dating this girl for about 10 months now, at first it was almost all sexual, we were having sex 3 times a day or more and barely spending any time with each other besides intercourse. After a couple of months we began to go on real dates and dinners and everything associated with a healthy relationship. This girl is absolutely perfect for me. I have zero complaints with her, (minimal things apply of course, everyone has their flaws, but nothing significant) and I feel like if I was 30 or so, this is definitely someone I could marry. But considering the fact that my entire life before her, I was an incredibly private, lone wolf type, who loved alone time, this was a huge change for me, and I don't know why I am having these feelings 10 months later, but I can't ignore them anymore, I simply just want to go back to my old single lifestyle of hooking up with as many girls as I want and doing whatever I want.

Over the course of our relationship, I think we rushed into it, spending days at a time with each other just because we were so infatuated with each other and now that our initial lust is cooling off, it seems abnormal to be spending less time with each other, when in reality this is how we should have gone about it in the first place so we didn't establish this norm.

I have just become so accustomed to everything associated with her, I have met her family multiple times and they all love me; she has met my family multiple times and they all love her. I love her friends and she loves mine, everything is so perfect, it just seems to be bad timing. On one side of the issue, I feel like I won't have another opportunity in life to just have guilt-free casual sex with an endless amount of women again, and on the other side, I feel completely immature and childish to end an almost year-long relationship, which has absolutely no significant problems, for the sole reason of getting more women.

She has noticed I have been acting weird and withdrawn lately and I need to make a decision ASAP, because even though breaking it off is (what I think) I want, I still feel like it will hurt me very much, and I don't want to go have a couple one-night stands and then realize I made a huge mistake. I have talked to multiple people, ranging from my hairdresser to my best friend, to a female bartender at work and all their advice is the same; don't screw up a perfectly good relationship just to have sex. But part of me still wants to go live care free and hope that either she will take me back at a later date, or hope to find another woman just as perfect as her when I actually am ready to get serious and just live life as it is in the moment right now.

I'm so lost.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  September 29,2009, 11:15am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I am not even going to touch this one.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  September 29,2009, 11:36am

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I'll take a stab at it..

Did you ever consider she feels the same way you do??
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; September 29,2009 at 11:39am.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  September 29,2009, 11:38am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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Tell her you need some space. Or, It's not you, it's me.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #5  September 29,2009, 12:58pm
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Let her get an account here and read your post. That should do pretty well, I think.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #6  September 29,2009, 3:59pm
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is keeping warm with her Honey.

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Tell her what you wrote here and let her go.

Then, a few years from now, after you've dated hundreds of women, you can wish you were back with her and she can be happy with the guy she met after you who knew a good thing when he saw it.

If you're not ready to be in a relationship, then don't be.
 
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br55 is offline br55 Post #7  September 29,2009, 4:19pm
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I think you are both too young for marriage, for sure, and also not ready in any way shape or form, so just tell her you are too young and need your time, but who knows what the future could hold?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #8  September 29,2009, 4:22pm
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I think that what you are feeling is normal.

That is unfortunate that you met such a great woman (marriage material) at this point in your life. The timing of it is the unfortunate part.

You may not meet someone better when you are ready but you can't just be ready when you are not.

Honestly, after college is over you will have a turning point where your lives are likely to shift away from each other anyway. It is also highly unlikely that the two of you will both be ready to fly through life at exactly the same pace.

The break up will definitely hurt the both of you. Not the end of the world though.
 
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texx77 is offline texx77 Post #9  September 29,2009, 5:01pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
I'll take a stab at it..

Did you ever consider she feels the same way you do??
No, if that were the case then I would not be asking the internet for dating help, because if we both felt this way, I assume our mutual separation would not be very painful.

She is incredibly into me, one of those things you can just sense.
 
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texx77 is offline texx77 Post #10  September 29,2009, 5:03pm
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br55 wrote :
I think you are both too young for marriage, for sure, and also not ready in any way shape or form, so just tell her you are too young and need your time, but who knows what the future could hold?
Marriage is not something that has crossed either of our minds at all, and its not that I wouldn't marry her, its just that we are in fact too young to even be thinking about it. But not everyone pursues a relationship for the ultimate goal of marriage, some just like the comfort of knowing someone else is there for you, or consistent sex, etc, etc.
 
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