I found him, now what about the others?


View Poll Results: How do you close a match that you have been communicating with
Cold as Ice - Select Close 2 10.00%
Email him telling him why then Close 7 35.00%
Email him telling him why and not close 4 20.00%
Keep all options open just in case 7 35.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

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idoneedyou is offline idoneedyou Post #1  September 28,2009, 12:37am
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I am fortunate to have the dilemna we are all hoping for - i narrowed my matches down, began the open communication process at about the same time with everyone, went on 3 dates, Mr. Incredible was #3, what do i tell the remaining 4 that I had started communicating with but had not met?

Do I tell #3 to wait until I finish with the selection process? Do I shutdown everyone but #3 and count my blessings? What is the best way to tell the others that I have found Mr. Right? Do I close the remaining matches (I have over 230 that I never had a chance to open for which I am constantly getting "icebreakers" and "nudges" to reply? How do I possibly close 230 matches in my lifetime?
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #2  September 28,2009, 3:24am
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idoneedyou wrote :
I am fortunate to have the dilemna we are all hoping for - i narrowed my matches down, began the open communication process at about the same time with everyone, went on 3 dates, Mr. Incredible was #3, what do i tell the remaining 4 that I had started communicating with but had not met?

Do I tell #3 to wait until I finish with the selection process? Do I shutdown everyone but #3 and count my blessings? What is the best way to tell the others that I have found Mr. Right? Do I close the remaining matches (I have over 230 that I never had a chance to open for which I am constantly getting "icebreakers" and "nudges" to reply? How do I possibly close 230 matches in my lifetime?
You are a newbie at this aren't you?....

But seriously, I wouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...nor put all of my eggs in one basket at this point.

Besides, you really won't know if "Mr. Incredible" is 'the one' until lots more dates, and time spent together. He may turn out to be Mr. So-Wrong, and then where will you be?

Furthermore, the nudges and icebreakers don't really mean anything because most are probably not paying members anyway, so don't kevetch too much about what to do with those matches.

But, if you are sure you have found 'the one', closing the 230 matches is easier than you think. Just close matching so that you don't get any new matches, and then sit at your computer and patiently close each match. You can close 20 to 30 per evening, or close them all on a weekend... It is the only civil thing to do, (IMO)....

...or you could just do what most people do from what I have been reading on the boards, and just let 'em squirm wondering whether you are interested or not.

BTW: You found 3 real live paying members?....you do have a charmed life!
Last edited by legend29; September 28,2009 at 4:00am.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  September 28,2009, 5:16am
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First of all, you should close the others once you and guy #3 become exclusive. Are you exclusive? If not, don't close them out.

Second of all, it's always polite to send a message saying hey, I found someone, best of luck to you. At least, that's what I did. I did receive several "thanks for letting me know" emails.

Third, it's time to take a good 20 min and close the 230 matches that you're not interested in.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  September 28,2009, 5:25am
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Turn off the matching for the time being if you are uncomfortable communicating with or dating guys # 1, 2 & 3 at the same time. You're going to need those matches later after you find that guys # 1, 2, & 3 weren't all that great. I wouldn't close anyone out just yet until you've had the 'talk' with Mr. Incredible #3. (BTW, Mr. Right's already getting married.)
Last edited by tweet37; September 28,2009 at 5:28am. Reason: I'd keep all options open 'cause I've been doing this longer than you have.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  September 28,2009, 5:40am

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idoneedyou wrote :
I am fortunate to have the dilemna we are all hoping for - i narrowed my matches down, began the open communication process at about the same time with everyone, went on 3 dates, Mr. Incredible was #3, what do i tell the remaining 4 that I had started communicating with but had not met?
That's great you found Mr. Incredible.. but has he found Miss Wonderful?

I have to agree with Mr. Right. until you're both exclusive, I would not close the other matches you are in OC with. You do need to turn off matching until you are sure. Until you and Mr. I have the converstation I would be going thru and clearing out the matches I have no interest in.

Good luck with Mr I ...
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #6  September 28,2009, 6:18am
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I agree with those who say wait until you and "Mr. Right" are exclusive. Don't count your blessings yet on this one!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #7  September 28,2009, 9:58am
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Mr_Right wrote :
First of all, you should close the others once you and guy #3 become exclusive. Are you exclusive? If not, don't close them out.

Second of all, it's always polite to send a message saying hey, I found someone, best of luck to you. At least, that's what I did. I did receive several "thanks for letting me know" emails.

Third, it's time to take a good 20 min and close the 230 matches that you're not interested in.
20 minutes?????

Once I let my matches go unattended for about two weeks and had over 200 matches to read and review.

It took me a week to respond and/or close those matches...and then I had to spend time closing matches that closed me because EH does not automatically close those matches... and some messages required a final message when you are closed by a match. I don't want to send a final message (what is the purpose of that?), and don't expect one when I closed a match...it was all so irritating and way too much work/time.

I'm just sayin....
 
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idoneedyou is offline idoneedyou Post #8  September 29,2009, 9:52am
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of Course we are exclusive, I'm not that new in the dating world! I have dated Mr. Right for over 3 months. Sure, we are not married yet, but we do have an understanding and are not dating other people.
 
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idoneedyou is offline idoneedyou Post #9  September 29,2009, 9:54am
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....don't count my blessings yet??? When do you propose I should be able to count my blessings? When he proposes or after we are married?

I do appreciate everyone for their feedback!
 
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idoneedyou is offline idoneedyou Post #10  September 29,2009, 9:56am
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I have been doing this since 2008. I just joined this forum in September of 2009.
 
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