brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  September 26,2009, 6:24pm
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The topic of long distance relationships is one that has been popping up on the boards with more frequency lately. What general advice/rules of thumb would those of you with experience in this area recommend to a person who has chosen to embark upon a long distance relationship for the first time?
 
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SoNotRight is offline SoNotRight Post #2  September 26,2009, 8:05pm
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Don't.

Actually, I fell in love with my long distance eH match. The beginning was wonderful...until "real life" set in. Travelling all the time is very expensive, very tiring and very stressfull. We didn't make it. Guess our love wasn't strong enough.

If you still attempt it...be realistic about how often you will meet...be realistic about someone having to move at some point...be realistic about missed hugs/kisses after bad days...it is possible to sustain, but it's not the easiest thing to do, at least for a very long time.

Good luck and I wish things had worked better between my and my ex because I did really love him. But, this economy isn't really the best for blowing money on travel all the time and for selling a home and finding a new job...that was our reality and it tore us apart.

I know, I know...please no one blast me that "our love wasn't strong enough then" because I already realize that so your saying it won't make me feel any better to be reminded of the worst breakup of my life.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  September 27,2009, 5:40am
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Go for it, it can be done. Yes, there'll be lots of e-mailing, phone calls, texting, traveling to meet but it's all exciting and definitely worth it.
The 2 years I had with my LDR was definitely worth it and something I will treasure for the rest of my life.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #4  September 27,2009, 12:09pm
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You have to both be able to trust each other. If you can't be apart without constantly wondering what they are doing, then its not for you. If you have a tough time talking on the phone, its not for you. If you already travel a lot, then traveling somewhere to meet a person is less of an issue. Normally, you wouldn't start thinking about the future so soon in a relationship, but LDRs operate under different assumptions.
Consider your job, your living situation, other aspects of your life which you might or might not be tied down to, and how big a deal it is to change them in the future.
I haven't even met my latest long distance match yet. But, we have talked already about the distance, living situations, and job situations. We have both been in LDRs before, so we know what to expect going in. It isn't for the casual dater. If you are serious, then you have to be serious about it, time, distance, travel, all the issues associated with what will happen. If you can't look ahead in your lives and see a point where you will be physically close, through a major change on someones part, then its not gonna happen.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #5  September 27,2009, 12:20pm
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I will also add a tid bit that really worked well for my last LDR.
Have a hands free headset for your phone. Be prepared to spend quite a bit of time on the phone. It is the next best thing to being there.
We each had a headset while on the phone with each other. Sometimes she would call me from work, sometimes while grocery shopping. I might be doing dishes, watching TV, doing work. Having to hold a phone up to your ear becomes a chore. It may sound simple, but its effective. You feel more connected to the person, like they are in the room with you. You forget that you are on the phone, and they are a long ways away. It removes that "mechanical" connection between you. We could easily talk for hours. Silence wasn't an issue, because we both knew the other was doing something else as well. But talking to each other, even while doing mundane things like shopping or dishes, made it a lot more comfortable, and conversation would flow naturally. Believe me, if theres any advice I could give someone in a LDR or attempting one, that would be it. Makes a huge difference.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 27,2009, 12:33pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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SoNotRight wrote :
Don't.

Actually, I fell in love with my long distance eH match. The beginning was wonderful...until "real life" set in. Travelling all the time is very expensive, very tiring and very stressfull. We didn't make it. Guess our love wasn't strong enough.

If you still attempt it...be realistic about how often you will meet...be realistic about someone having to move at some point...be realistic about missed hugs/kisses after bad days...it is possible to sustain, but it's not the easiest thing to do, at least for a very long time.

Good luck and I wish things had worked better between my and my ex because I did really love him. But, this economy isn't really the best for blowing money on travel all the time and for selling a home and finding a new job...that was our reality and it tore us apart.

I know, I know...please no one blast me that "our love wasn't strong enough then" because I already realize that so your saying it won't make me feel any better to be reminded of the worst breakup of my life.
I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you. I've been down the LDR path several times myself, so I know how this can feel. Best wishes to you.
 
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sara826 is offline sara826 Post #7  September 30,2009, 7:25pm
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I met my man on EH in Feb. and in June I met him, we talked every night and emailed everyday it was something that was pushing us together, in July I moved in with him it is wonderful nither of us want to marry because I was married for 34 years and he is divorced after a 20 year marriage, my husband past away, we talk for hours at a time and he does his work during the day and I do mine. I hope this works but I live day to day. and right now I am very happy, I left my family and crossed country to be with him.
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #8  September 30,2009, 9:22pm
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I met my LDR BF in June of 2008, we are less than 3 hours away, it sounds close to some but in the big picture it is not.

We see each other 2 to 3 times a month and have never gone past the 3 week mark.

It have been wonderful and also very lonely. I miss the hugs and coming home every night to have dinner by myself is really starting to suck! I miss the everyday things. I am tired of attending most events and functions alone.

We talk on the phone at least twice a day. Sometimes it is quick some times we talk for hours. Trust has not been and issue for us. I do love this man with all my heart. He has put in for a job transfer and I have hope that someday he will be able to move here. It could take a year or more and I wonder how and if the relationship will survive.

I don't know if I would or could do this again. It has been one of the best loves in my life and one of the hardest.
 
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