What do you think is his intention? Need advice...


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RookieGrl is offline RookieGrl Post #1  September 24,2009, 8:51pm
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Hi... (this might be long..sorry..)

I have never been in a real serious relationship before..and i really don't understand guys very well.. which is why i am seeking your advice. So last year i was seeing this guy, we lasted for about 3 months. I ended it bc i felt we wanted different things in the relationship.. i felt he was more into the physical aspect whereas i wanted to connect with him emotionally. I never felt like i got that from him and i didn't feel like we were communicating well bc he never open up.. and i felt like our relationship was not developing eventho he thought differently. Plus it didn't seem like he wanted a serious relationship and be exclusive.... He never wanted to get into serious talk and told me to just go with the flow and just have fun.. and for me to stop overanalyzing things. i am not the type of gal to jump in bed with someone who is not going to be exclusive with me.. (sorry but i dont' share).. When i ended it.. it went well.. no hard feelings.. he said lets be friends etc.. i said 'sure' (but i honestly didn't think we would stay in touch).. To my amazement, its been over a year now since we ended the relationship and we had stayed in touch all this time.. The effort is mostly due to him.. he has kept his words and been very active in staying in touch with me.. calling me, asking me to hang out etc.. I will admit after we ended it. we did hooked up twice.. and after the last time (in Jan09), i kinda distant myself from him for a bit. After that, we never got intimidate again or has he tried to do so. Even tho, we have stayed in touch all this time. ..I must say the friendship is weird and kinda uncomfortable tho.. Bc at times, we would do things a couple would do, like talk on the phone daily at work, have long conversation at times like an hour or so at home... run errands together, grab dinner.. i would sleep over his place in the same bed (nothing happen tho..i made sure i am in my corner) etc.. Even tho, we keep in contact a lot, we don't open up to each other ... we communicate better tho but we dont' ask about eachother dating life ..its like a taboo... another weird part about this.. we dont' have any mutual friends.. we don't hangout in a group.. it would only be me and him or sometimes hangout with his cousins. i just dont'know how long i can maintain this friendship with him.. bc at times, i feel it is superficial.. just do casual talk..nothing deep.. and i asked myself am i wasting my time with him.. i mean are we really friends? Then i also asked myself "what does he want in this.. just friendship?" Bc through the entire time, he is the one reaching out to me and keeping in contact with me.. there were times, where i ignored his calls and stuff bc i really wanted to forget him bc i didn't want to get into that comfort zone of him contacting me or me falling for him.. And when he is n ice to me, i feel like i have to pull away bc i don't want ot fall for him.. and i put my wall up.. and to me, i feel like i am being unfair to him.. bc i don't think i can ever be a good friend to him bc i don't know how to be a friend to him.. it is very uncomfortable.. part of me is still attracted to him.. but i don't feel like he is ready for a serious relationship and i don't want to put myself out there like that..

so what do u guys think? any advice how i should approach this.. or what do u think this guy's intention is? some of my friends think he wants to keep me as a "backup" just in case he can't find someone else.. or until he is ready to commit.. other thinks maybe he doesn't have a lot of friends and is bored and just want ot hang out with me.. who knows..

thanks for reading and being patience
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #2  September 25,2009, 7:21am
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I think some people can just be friends and some people we care about on a level that makes friendship very very difficult. I think being friends with him does not work for you and limits your options moving forward with your life. I would consider calling it done with to be fair to you and to be fair to him.

Take care,
Bearwolf102

Advice I may have to take to heart myself....
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #3  September 25,2009, 3:29pm
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RG,

Just a comment on your post...

It's OK if it's long, just please use paragraphs and whitespace. Reading blocks of text on the internet is very difficult.
 
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