Up front about my income-is this important?


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wheezer is offline wheezer Post #1  September 24,2009, 5:20pm
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Help, I have a situation that is bothering me regarding my "income". Basically I have not dated since I was 17 .... 43 years ago. Long dating time and 26 year marriage. Anyways, I want nothing more than to be honest in any future relation but when it comes to my career and position vs. my actual salary.
Occupation Director of Stratigic Planning for a major institution. Salary is not 6 figures but very close.....well the final divorce decree recently filed, left me with about 1/2 of my monthly salary from now and for the time being I am getting things in order. Now we all live on what we have, adjust and move on. I am blessed with what I have and will live happily on it.
Maybe I am too sensitive about this issue since I could not live in a relation where finance-or what I make was most important. But is this something I should reveal in a relation? There will be times when I would like to go someplace nice for dinner or a play but it would be financially streching the monthly budget. Is it appropriate to ask your date to pay for her way. Not all the time but there may be times. I just do not want to mislead, I don't want to appear a "penny pincher", or insult a womans intention by implying that I think she would be more interested in my income.
Ladies what do you think.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  September 25,2009, 6:29am
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To me, income and financial situation is a very personal thing to me. I will not divulge specific financial information to anyone i'm dating, even seriously.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #3  September 25,2009, 7:12am
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Dude this is not a topic that is relivent in meeting, chosing, or even first date or first few dates thing. If you guys are getting along and have been seeing eachother for a bit than you share the hard stuff. If she can accept that and move forward great! If not than she wasn't right for you anyway.

Goodluck,
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #4  September 25,2009, 8:28am
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I would not touch that subject before the relationship gets serious.
Asking her to split the bill is fine, where I come from (Europe) it's normal to go Dutch. I have never been on a date where I didn't pay my own way.
 
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ironangel is offline ironangel Post #5  September 25,2009, 8:44am
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Ok, Iron Angel to the resuce. Did you ask her out? Did you choose the place? If yes to both..then fork out the dough. If you can't afford it, don't offer to take her some place expensive. If she ask to go somewhere expensive...just say up front, I'd really love to, but it isn't in my buget at this time, would you like to go to ______ for dinner instead.
I hope this helps you out.
I am former Marine..Woman Marine. I have been told that I am brutally honest at times. I haven't been on a date in .......ok, I don't even remember. But to be courted...ahh..that would be nice. Have a great day.
Semper Fi
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #6  September 25,2009, 3:36pm
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Not really sure what you are asking...

If you're not making 6 figures, you're not making that much money! Especially if you have a big alimony payment.

As indicated above, don't try to be someone you are not. Other than the fact that you are destitute or not, not much of a woman's business exactly what you make.

-------------------------------------------------------

If you are worried that your job title may make women think you make a lot of money, then change it.
Last edited by DDjr; September 25,2009 at 3:40pm. Reason: Additional thought..
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  September 25,2009, 5:53pm
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I agree with the post from Iron Angel. That was good advice.

In my experience, your occupational attainment will be extremely important to your dates (I am much younger, and there seems to be regional variances in this, too.)

Just be careful - 43 years, keep your eyes open and your wits about you. Dating can be ruthless.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  September 26,2009, 11:59am
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I don't believe this is a conversation that should take place before you're both comfortable with it happening. When it does come up, be honest, which incidentally does not mean that you must reveal anymore than you are comfortable revealing. Quite frankly, a woman who is interested in nothing more than your income is obviously shallow. Would a woman like that really be worth your time and effort?
 
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earthlyangelchristina is offline earthlyangelchristina Post #9  September 26,2009, 12:58pm
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What I think as a lady is that a man should pay for the dates until they decide they are a dating couple. Why? A lot, and I mean a lot, of women want to know what a man will do for them in regards to respecting them as a woman first. Second: without having to get anything for it in return. AKA: sex... boy, some men really bank on a lot of expectation with that one, and it is a real date dropper for me. It is not a free meal as a lot of men keep referring to it as either. To me, Men would not believe how many women find that to be an insult. Women pay bucks out for nice hair, nails, clothes, perfume, etc. to look as nice as possible for a date- and none expect anything else by it but to go out with a nice man who asked them out on date...and all are hoping to find a meaningful relationship by going out on a date. It has nothing to do with a free meal, or time out on the town..we got girlfriends for fun outings. For us...It is all about character with a man for dates. No, you don't need to take them out to a high cost restaurant. No, not McDonalds either. Just somewhere in between is fine, and it is considered a great date place for dining out. After showing them that you are genuinuely interested in them then women like to treat men out, but only here and there. Remember the character... Again, Women like men who have character about dating. It's not about the big $'s spent. Maybe real successful women might disagree with having men pay, or what amounts they are expecting out of him, but hardly any that I know want a man who wants it dutch either. Dutch is a nice way of going out with a friend not a date. If you cannot afford to date once a week than wait until you can. No lady wants a man to bury himself in debt over a date. Not one.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #10  September 26,2009, 1:47pm
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Every time a man discloses his financial status to me and we are not in a relationship: I'm uncomfortable.

You can still go out to a play or nice restaurant with your dates. It just means that you have to search out these places with your new budget and then you will know where you can take your date for a nice meal without breaking the bank. It may take awhile to find some places you consider nice, but less expensive.

There is no harm in you choosing a place within your budget - for both of your meals - and then accepting if she offers to pay for her own meal or your drinks. As per Mokkesofie's advice, it's common for people to go dutch here too.

The other thing: it seems as if your change in your financial status has just occurred, or will be about to occur. I would seriously recommend that you sort out your new living budget (if you haven't already) and give yourself enough time to get used to it. I know that I found when my mortgage repayments kicked after I finished building my house, it did take me a couple of months to re-adjust to my 'new' budget.
 
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