How to explain this living situation...


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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #1  September 24,2009, 4:12pm
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I live at home. Go ahead. Laugh.
Yeah, thats typical of first reactions I get.
Now, I have reasons why.
A bit of background.. I am 31, have been employed at the same company for 4 years, and 8 more for the company this one took over. I have never collected unemployment, and have steady, reliable work, and collect a decent paycheck. I've lived on my own since college, until now.
Why I live here. Our family lost our mother a few years ago. My dad has been living alone for quite some time. In this time, his health, both mental and physical has deteriorated. Besides a string of serious health issues including heart attacks, he honestly has never really been on his own for long, and was married for 26 years. Due to his health, and his age, he cannot hold a steady job, and just does some freelance photography on the side. I am here, trying to help him out the best I can, both monetary and as a friend rather than typical father-son.
I try my best to be as honest about it as possible. But its really tough getting personal about my living situation when asked. But its also caused me to be easily dismissed as a bum, loser, etc because I live at home. And people don't stick around to hear the full explanation. They stop listening at "I live at home" and poof.
I care for my father, and if someone can't handle this situation as it stands right now, then thats too bad. But I'm not going to lie about it, I just have to find the best way to get the idea across without it sounding like I'm a 31 year old loser playing video games in the basement and not working.
Any suggestions? Its tough to explain why my fathers name appears on the caller ID instead of mine.... just got a girls number, and trying to figure out how to explain this.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #2  September 24,2009, 4:16pm
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And about the phone, I do have a cell, in my name. However, here, we do not have cell coverage (yet), so I am limited to the landline, If I want to call from here.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  September 24,2009, 4:28pm

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i would just keep it short- "I'm caring for my father at this time"

if she wants to know more, she'll ask. and true, some women would not want to get involved with you just like they would prefer a man with no children- that's their right-i don't think most would care. I wouldn't.

 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #4  September 24,2009, 4:30pm
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If someone can't stick around to figure out your rationale for still living at home, then she's not worth your time. I agree with the above post, simply state that you're caring for your father.

I'm 31 and no longer live at home since I went away to college. As a 31-yr. old, I wouldn't be turned off if you told me you live at home. I'd assume there's a reason why you do (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with this in my eyes), provided you demonstrate maturity and responsibility in other aspects of your life. In fact, I'd view your concern and parents' caretaking in a positive light.

Folks shouldn't question your level of responsibility/maturity simply because you live at home. If they judge you because of this and don't take the time to get to know you, then they're probably not worth your time, either.


....Best wishes :-)
Last edited by Doctora2012; September 24,2009 at 4:33pm.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  September 24,2009, 4:49pm

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You explained it to us..and we got it.. just cut it back to a few lines.. Just like Doctora said positive light!
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #6  September 24,2009, 4:55pm
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Thanks for the replies.
You wouldn't know it, just by being around him. He does have his good moments. Its not like he is very sick and can't do anything for himself. A lot of it is the emotional support, since he has no job and no real friends that he sees. I am his best friend of sorts. The meds he is on make him sleepy, and he gets depressed easily. I try to get him to eat better, since in addition to his heart problems, he has hypertension and type 2 diabetes. We actually were just squabbling over his poor choice of dinner. I actually try to cook stuff for him, since he will eat it (yes lades.. I can cook!! wink wink..lol), but when I cook its better than him eating the frozen dinner crap he gets that I keep trying to talk him out of.
Hes really a decent guy. Just needs some support. Right now its both financial and emotional, since he is trying to straighten out his retirement fund from the state, which they are giving him a tough time with. Once he gets that settled, I might be able to be out on my own again, but around enough to check up on him.
The only match Ive gone to open comm with was a dietitian, so she was understanding. My current match owns her own home, on her own, and is very independent. So, I'm not sure how she will view it. We are in open comm now, and she gave me her number. I figure I should explain the situation to her through email first, before calling, rather than having the subject of our first call be my fathers health and living situation.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #7  September 24,2009, 4:56pm
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Rather than putting the emphasis on living at home, you should put the emphasis on the fact that you are caring for your ailing father. You started this post off in a negative light. That is probably where your problem stems from.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  September 24,2009, 5:00pm
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About half the women I dated lived at home (they were in their 20’s), and I had no issues at all. I had my own place during that time, though.
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #9  September 24,2009, 5:22pm
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Guess I write too much. Getting moderated again..

I don't view it negatively. Its the connotation that people have.
I think my initial tone was misread. I get that a lot. I am very sarcastic, and sometimes I just fail to convey that. We need a "sarcasm" smilie.

I don't play the child role here, actually its almost opposite, with circumstances being what they are. One of my matches was a dietitian, who understood perfectly the situation, especially with the diabetes mixed in.. But, there have been others that don't quite understand. I'm trying to gauge a current match, and her view. She is very independent, and owns her home. Shes a great girl, but highly values independence. I haven't had the issue come up yet, but she gave me her number in email. I feel like I need to explain this first before calling, and having our first phone chat end up being about my living situation. Agree?
As far as dating, I always go to them, with the majority of them being longer distances. Theres nothing to do here (its a very small town), so it makes more sense to meet elsewhere.
Last edited by centralnydude; September 24,2009 at 5:31pm.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #10  September 24,2009, 5:28pm
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And dating partners are a priority. Just as long as his general health isn't in immediate jeopardy. If he has another attack, then of course my focus would shift to him to make sure hes ok. But its not taking anything away from a relationship simply by being here. Aside from doing car repairs for him to help him save more money up, the demand on my time is minimal. It really is a more "room mate" type living situation than father son. Its hardly much different than living with my room mate back in college. (beer drinking and partying aside, anyway..lol) It is far removed from the way things were 16 years ago.
 
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