confused_dater is offline confused_dater Post #1  September 22,2009, 6:24pm
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A guy friend that I am attracted to and have been friends with for awhile has been sending mixed signals for awhile.

I wanted to know where I stand in his eyes. I feel we're not in the same place as it relates to attraction. He flirts and appears to want more. But, the fatal blow I think came today.

He tells me "I find you to be a good friend - thx for caring" This comes after I tell him I care and was worried about him because he's not getting enough rest.

"Good Friend" I guess that's my answer.. Not girlfriend material. ??? This wasn't said face to face.

I wonder if I should talk to him about this in person or just take the time and get over it.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  September 22,2009, 7:04pm
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I see that statement, "I find you to be a good friend - thx for caring" to be a bit too formal to be translated for anything other than it is, a friend telling a friend "thx".

Not sure what you expected him to say, though, to make it appear as though you are "girlfriend material" ...? ..."thx for caring, I love you"?

wrote :
"Good Friend" I guess that's my answer.
Did you ask him a question? Maybe you should ...

On the surface, it does look like he is 'just' a friend, but you didn't mention anything about what you've been doing to show interest in him? Maybe he simply doesn't know how you feel about him (other than, of course, that you care if he isn't getting enough rest)? Maybe you are the one sending mixed signals?

Not nearly enough information here ...
 
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confused_dater is offline confused_dater Post #3  September 22,2009, 7:22pm
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Let me clarify on this post.. I am trying to tell him how I feel by showing him that when he's not feeling well.. I worry. We talk several times a day. He states I'm very important to him. But, he hasn't stated if we're more than friends.

I am "skiddish" because I've been hurt before and it's hard to just come straight out and ask.. "what are your feelings for me?"
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #4  September 23,2009, 6:18am
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Right now, it could go either way. Its tough to tell. You are doing things that indicate to him that you only want to be "friend" material. You are sending mixed signals.
I had this girl I only had a few dates with, offer to come "take care of me" when I was sick for a few days. She came over, made soup, helped me finish my work for classes, etc. It was all very, friendly. It weirded me out, because it changed how I felt. I wasn't sure what to think.
Friends go through times with people, both good and bad. If you want to be more than friends, the normal rule is to stay the heck away from them when they are in a bad mood, or feeling down. In the early stages of being with them, anyway. You want to associate your presence with good things, good feelings, good times. Not being sick or being down. Thats what friends are their for, not the person you intend to date. You are also too available to him. You talk several times a day? Again, doing things that indicate to him you want to be friends, nothing more. Your intentions are good, but they are telling him the wrong things if you really want to be more than friends.
You have to make your intentions clear, or you'll never find out. Invite him out, on a date, and gauge his reaction to it. If he keeps trying to downplay it as a formal "date", then you know he would rather consider you a friend.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  September 23,2009, 3:48pm
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confused_dater wrote :
Let me clarify on this post.. I am trying to tell him how I feel by showing him that when he's not feeling well.. I worry. We talk several times a day. He states I'm very important to him. But, he hasn't stated if we're more than friends.

I am "skiddish" because I've been hurt before and it's hard to just come straight out and ask.. "what are your feelings for me?"
Would you rather be sent on a emotional rollercoaster by not finding out, or would you rather find out sooner, get over it, and free yourself up to actually find someone who is interested in you?

I love asking questions I already know the answer to.
 
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SpookyMulder is offline SpookyMulder Post #6  September 23,2009, 6:14pm
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My gut instinct on this one is that your in the "friend zone".

If you talk twice a day, he obviously enjoys your company and/or input, but if he was attracted to you he would make a move.

Guys are sometimes torn by girls like this. On the one hand, we love a woman we can talk to and share things with, but it's equally crucial for us to be physically attracted to a woman.

If you were both to him, he wouldn't dare let you go too long without trying to secure such an extremely rare combination.

P.S. dont push the question. I'v been down that road and it can be more painful to know for sure (especially if you already know the answer. not to mention completely alienate yourself from him).
 
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Jesaira is offline Jesaira Post #7  September 24,2009, 6:02am
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Do not go down this road with him. It is very clear to me. I've learned to pay attention to what HE SAYS not what he does. Often, the actions and statements of men are confusing. And I learned the hard way. Stop making yourself available to him. When he calls, resist the urge to always answer...let someone facilitate that need. If you can't just be friends, then you need to move forward. It will be very difficult because of your feelings to have a "normal" friendship.
Move on, my friend!

Also, know that you are worth loving and you deserve a committed relationship. If that's what your heart desires, then don't waste time pursuing something that will only hurt and devastate you in the end!

Been there, done that...have the "goods" to back it up!!
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #8  September 24,2009, 11:53am
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Hm, centralnydude, I have never heard that you should be anything less than a friend to someone you intend to date or are dating. If I were sick, and somebody/anybody came over to feed me, do my work, and just plain keep me company while I felt like crap, I would associate them with very, very good things and feelings.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #9  September 24,2009, 2:35pm
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There is the problem. You used "friend" and "date" in the same sentence. Most of the time, you can't be both at first. You either fall into "friend" category, or "date material" category. Trust me, I had to learn this the hard way. You think that being nice, and doing nice things is going to win you points with them, but it doesn't work that way.
I'll give you a picture. You're sick, might have the flu. You're coughing, sneezing, and blowing your nose. You feel like carp, and you just want to rest. This person you have dated a couple times decides to come over to take care of you. How comfortable are you gonna feel? This is a person that you spend your time trying to be at your best, look your best, say the right things, do the right things, make the best possible impression, and suddenly you are at about 15% instead of the 100% that this person normally sees you at. Tell me the thought doesn't seem a little weird.
If your SO that you've been out with for awhile decided to do this, chances are he/she has seen you at some pretty bad moments. The initial "gotta be at my best, want to impress them" stage is over. You know they are accepting of you, flaws and all. Blowing your nose a bit isn't gonna deter them.
While it sounds like a good idea, people can feel smothered. Your space is being invaded when you are at your worst, by someone you are still trying to make a good impression on.
Its a friendly gesture. Not a date. Works great if you want to be seen by them as a friend. Not so well as date potential.
 
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