LilyV is offline LilyV Post #1  September 20,2009, 9:24pm
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Hello everyone! I'm Mary (or Lily), a journalism student, writing a feature article on on-line dating. I'm happily currently in an on-line relationship with my boyfriend of 3 weeks (there's actually a longer story to us than that) -- nothing beats personal experience, as I like to say. Input and advice would be gladly appreciated.

So, dating experts. What do you think of on-line relationships?

Whether it may be the pros and cons? What takes someone to actually motivate them to be in one? Are there benefits in being in an on-line relationship than in-real-life dating? What sacrifices did you both have to make in order to make it work? Do you think it's demeaning to date "on-line" simply because you two are in different parts of the world and the internet is the only (well, cheaper) source of communication? Is the level of insecurity and trust higher than those who are in-real-life dating? Do you think on-line relationships work?

I'd love to hear stories too. As much as I'd love to hear from those who are/have been on-line dating, it's interesting to hear the other perspective of those who disagree on the idea.

Private Message me if you feel uncomfortable talking about your on-line relationship to the forum.

*btw, I'm sorry if there were another topic about this? I started searching, but the pages were 154+...lol

Thanks!
- Mary
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  September 21,2009, 7:15am
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The definition of online dating to me is you use the internet to meet people and then you meet.

I'm thinking your definition is that you two are dating, but the only line of communication is online, correct?

Personally, I feel there is no such thing as "online dating" as per the definition that i think you mean. If two people's only way of getting to know one another is online, then I don't think there's even a dating relationship. Its a pen pal relationship. I don't believe that a dating relationship can exist unless you meet the person first. I would go further to say, at least for myself, that a dating relationship has to consist of some real face to face contact. Anything less, is not dating.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #3  September 21,2009, 7:30am
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Online "dating" is just another avenue to meet people. Not meant to replace face to face contact completely. Sure there might be distance involved, but the idea is to talk to them online first, then meet if the two of you are compatible. That is like meeting a girl in a coffee shop, and only limiting the contact between the two of you to that coffee shop. You will eventually want to take the relationship outside that coffee shop!

Its a good way to weed out people that wouldn't be compatible with you. I managed to quit smoking, and be smoke free for over a year now. So, I wouldn't want to be with someone that is a smoker. But you might not find that out right away meeting someone through conventional ways. The internet allows you to be more selective and stick to your ideals.
Realistically, there is no "online dating". Its online "meeting" which leads to dating. Like the above poster said. You are pen pals until you meet and have a real date.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #4  September 21,2009, 7:36am
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Lily,

Want to echo and expand on what Dafearon said...

1. A real relationship is a situation between two people that do things together in person.

2. "An online" (non-real) relationship has no more validity than interacting with "Eliza" (or whatever the old Apple program was).

3. In terms of "online relationships", you are kind of in "enemy territory". EH (w/EHA as support) is designed to introduce real people to real matches to meet in real life. This is why we (collectively the members) pay for the service and put up with the frustration.

-------------------------------------------------------

In terms of EH matches, EVERYONE here agrees that you need to segue from an online interaction into a real life meeting before the spark of the match dies. (This means sooner rather than later!)
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #5  September 21,2009, 8:03am
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Online dating elevates our expectations beyond reality.

Our imaginations take over, and before we meet someone, we fill in the gaps with an idealistic vision of someone who, in real-life, does not exist. We become obsessed over someone we've never met. We feel dejected when that same person, after a few emails, severs contact without politely letting us know they are not interested in being our mate.

We're encouraged by the online dating industry to maintain this illusion.

"Success Stories" are a huge part of online advertising, leading us to believe our relationships have evolved to a point-click solution. The truth is you're more likely to meet a successful partner in college, in classes, at a bar, in church, at work, at the park, or in the gym, yet these places do not pound us with blinky online ads about their success stories.

Furthermore, using the anonymity of the keyboard, we're encouraged to put our best face forward. In fact, this is not our face at all. Not only do we idealize people we never have met, but we idealize ourselves.

We post images of ourselves, but cleave out the parts we don't want you to see. We post only the images we like, sometimes with years between the now and the snapshot.

We lie about our height, weight, age, and the status of our relationships.

We mislead you about our income and social status.

We create an illusion of ourselves, then attempt to date other illusions, and when we're disappointed by the reality of the initial meeting, we claim that somehow it must be that particular site, it's EHa, or Match, or Yahoo's fault. We change sites, create a new illusion, and go about finding our perfect pretend, point-click match on Facebook.

The reality is you should spend your time in the real world, opening your mouth and moving your lips and tongue in front of real-world people.


- Saul
 
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LilyV is offline LilyV Post #6  September 21,2009, 3:25pm
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Wow! Thank you everyone for your responses. I really appreciate it!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  September 21,2009, 5:00pm
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saulgoode wrote :
Online dating elevates our expectations beyond reality. ...
Brilliant. This post should be a sticky on every forum. Although I doubt our hosts would go along with the idea.
 
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