big_k is offline big_k Post #1  September 20,2009, 3:24pm
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im going to start from the benging of how we met and the events that led to our break up, and i would like some honest opions from both males and females on this plz.


in oct/nov 2008 i met a girl online from myspace, i saw her on a freind of mines friends list and emailed her. we started chatting pretty regulary, then in december we met and went on our 1st date, i took her out to a nice high class steak house, i wasnt really attractive to her at 1st. night went well, we both went out own seperate ways, she called me when she got home to let me know she made it. a week or two later we went out on a 2nd date and went go kart racing, once again night was good we spent about 3 hours togather then i took her home, gave her a hug outside of her place. a week or so later we went to the movies and dinner, everything still good. xmas comes i go home to my family about 3 hours away. new years come and we decide to spend it togather so we go out downtown, they were having their 1st annual ball drop in sacramento, we go back to my house have some drinks and watch a movie. we go to bed then wake up and have sex, thats the 1st time we have had sex. a few days later we made it official we are now a couple. a few weeks go by just us seeing each other here and there, she lives about 40 mins away from me at this point, so wend night she would come stay at my house, i would cook dinnerl then friday and saturday and sunday i would stay at her house. uselly saturday night we would go out have a nice dinner and go do something. one day we were out shopping and i came across a pair of sunglasses i want but they were $200.00 so i decided to hold off until summer came closer, this was end of jan beg of feb. vday comes up she was suppose to work that day, and we decided we didnt wanna go out to a nice restraunt so i decided to cook dinner. i ordered a dozen of roses and nice choc to be delivered to her work, well the night b4 she told me she got the day off, i had plans for vday and had to rush and get her flowers from being delivered and gave them to her a night early.. she said she has never gotten flowers b4 and she loved them.. so the next day is vday i made mashed potatoes, ny steak, and a salad. dinner was great. at this point we both know about our past serious realtionships, she had an ex named ..... they were togather for about 4 years but have known each other for about 8. he is 9 years older then us, oops we were both 25 at this time. she said they broke up because he cheated on her, lied to her, he had kids she never knew about. but she said they still talk here and there because they have been through so much togather.. for vday she got me my sunglasses i was wanting. so a few weeks ago by and i dont know why but she was in the shower and i went through her phone and saw some txt from him, about meeting up...so a friday morning comes and i ask here what we are doing tonight and she said she wanted to take her mom out, so i know she is lying but i play dumb,, so i plan to go out with the guys. that night my plans change i go get a tattoo. she calls me to see what i was doing and i told her i was over at joshs shop getting a tat, thats who i stole who page from. so she comes over then we end up going back to her house and i stay the night. next morning she is in the shower getting ready for work, and i get dressed and leave because it got to me that she lied to me about who she was with. i dont say bye to her or anything, so she calls me after she is out of the shower and she knows something is up. i just say i had stuff i had to get done and etc.. well at lunch she txt me and tells me she lied to me about something and she didnt go with her mom and she went with her x but she didnt wanna hurt my feelings and blah blah blah..so i dont respond until about 2 hours later and told her we will discuss it later.. so we meet up after she gets off work, and i told her i can forgive but not forget. i dont think they had sex because she came to me the night b4 and we did it...so we talk and then go on.. on occasion im still going through her phone to see if they r still talking..now middle of march, im basiclly living there, all my clothes are there, we are grocery shopping togather, she is making dinner. i leave her house go to work, come back to her house. this last for about 3 weeks. we decide to make a day trip to the bay area on a sat, come back home around 11pm and we go to sleep. at 3am her phone goes off its a txt from the ex. i heard it and asked who it was and she said the ex.. next morning comes and i asked her what he wanted and she said dont worry about it, so i got a little upset and flipped out, and we ended up getting into a big fight, we decide we need a break for a few days/ a week. on wend 3 days later i showed up to her work with flowers out of the blue. went back to her house, stayed the night then went on. at this point about a few days after vday we are telling each other we love each other and etc...so saturday comes, she calls me on lunch and says she thinks we should go our own ways, and i told her i would see her at her house when she got off. got to her house she had all my stuff packed, and says shes going out with her freind.. ive never met any of her friends, she has a met a few of mine, so we talked, i then left all upset..come to find out she didnt go out with her friend she went over to the exes house,,so that hurt me even more..by now i have his phone # and we exchanged words here and there...we quit talking for about 3 weeks. then she emailed me and we started hanging out again, i thought we were trying to work things out, but she just wanted to be friends..it was hard and tough on me because i loved her. so i asked her why we broke up and she said it just didnt seem right, and it was like a honeymoon and it was over, and i said no i think its because we had our first fight and you ran away and didnt wanna settle it..she would never tell me bout how she was feeling, so now she says she did need space after two weeks of me being there straight but we both worked full time, so didnt see each other except at night, and i asked her if she wanted me to go home and she said no it was fine. and so we even talked about me moving in there with her before we got into the fight over the txt from the ex.. so in the 1st week of may we get into a fight, and i kind of went a little overboard. trying to talk to her, she changed her #, blocked me from her emails. she found out me and the ex had words was the cause of the fight.. her bday comes up end of may, i get flowers sent to her work, got an email saying thanks for the flowers but i still have nothing to say to you, so plz leave me alone...a few weeks go by. we slowly start talking again. about a week after that someone vandlized my vehicle and tryed to break into my house, not sure who it was but all the fingers pointed to her ex, so i asked her about it and she says she didnt show him where i lived, but she could see him doing it.. i just let it go, and say screw it. im still in love with her, we both have not dated anyone else, still have not had sex with each other since we were dating.. had some deep talks about how we both felt and she told me not to wait around for her...i wanted to be with her she didnt want it, but i still told her i loved her, and etc kissed her held hand, etc. at this point she is going clubbing every weekend, and getting drunk, she never did that when we dated at all.. she changed since we 1st dated. about 3 weeks ago we decided we should go on our on ways because its too hard to be friends, when my feelings are still strong. i went out the following weekend and got a little drunk and called her, i have no clue what i said to her and she wont tell me. i left it on her vmail. since then we have had a little communcation but she was not a very nice person and she refuses to tell me what i said to her.. it has been ten days since we have talked, but i really miss her.. is this just a phrase she is going through wanting to club all the time?? we both rarely drank when we were togather. why would she want her ex in her life, after what he did, of course i dont know what he did was good i just know all the bad stuff she told me. but i can tell u i dont like him and would like to kick his ass.. i know it was wrong for me to go through her phone, but i had a feeling something was up..i told her she needs to open up on her feelings and talk more often. she needs to get rid of the x because no future husband or bf, would not wanting you guys to talk 5 years down the road you just need to let go. i know he owed her $3000.00 for a credit card when they were togather. and he recently paid her for it.. she told me she knows what she wants in her husband and im not it, and i asked her what she wanted in him, and she wont tell me. so i guess what i am asking is do you guys think we will work things back out or not?? if not how do i get her out of my feelings and my mind?? if i think back to the night we broke up and how she lied to me and went with him, that makes me want to hate her, but i just cant because i love her to much.. she says she loves me, but as a freind not as a lover. so what should i do now guys?? THANK YOU
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #2  September 21,2009, 4:57pm
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big_k wrote :
she told me she knows what she wants in her husband and im not it... if i think back to the night we broke up and how she lied to me and went with him, that makes me want to hate her, but i just cant because i love her to much.. she says she loves me, but as a freind not as a lover.
She is telling you exactly how she feels and as bad as it hurts, I do not feel there is any hope here. I do not understand why you would want to be with someone who continuously lies to you! You can do better then that! By trying to make it work, it seems you don't have respect for yourself because you should want to be with someone who wants to be with you as well! I feel if you try to date her again it will only be emotionally abusive to you and you do not need that.

The sign is that she keeps seeing her ex. Regardless of why she wants him in her life, she is seeing him behind your back and lying to you about it. That is the biggest red flag right there. I know it hurts, but you are better off with someone who will not lie/cheat on you. Good luck.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  September 21,2009, 5:37pm

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wow.. that's a long one.. bottom line is you are never going to trust her ever again. So regardless of what she is looking for or the ex it just doesnt matter. Once trust is broken it is very hard to regain.

Sorry bro, but you need to move on. I would even suggest not having contact with her for a few months or years!
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  September 21,2009, 5:57pm

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why were you going through her phone, anyway?
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #5  September 21,2009, 6:27pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
why were you going through her phone, anyway?
This is very true. It just shows that something inside of you was telling you to check it. You don't trust her and that's another problem.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #6  September 21,2009, 7:28pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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You have answered your own question. You know what you must do. It won't be easy, but yo have to accept that it's over.

The only way for it not to be is that you will need to forgive her if you can, and never bring it up again. But if you don't trust her, it always will linger in the back of your mind. It will eat away the relationship from the inside out.
 
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howlong is offline howlong Post #7  September 21,2009, 8:24pm
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Here is my opinion.

She changed.
You changed.
She is trying to move on.
You arent.
Yah she lied to you.
But you invaded her privacy, ends do not justify the means.
 
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big_k is offline big_k Post #8  September 21,2009, 8:31pm
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not sure why i went through her phone, the 1st time i did it and look at what i found...everything was fine until the x came back into the picture. thanks guys, i know i need to move on and can do better, i guess i just need to hear it from enough people, all my friends have even said the same thing..
 
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