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Emme Emme is offline
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This hasp probably been covered before but I missed it if it was.

Recently a guy I sort of knew from high school (I was in the same class as his brother, 3years younger than he) went to a multi year reunion and then friended me on face book. We started emailing and it was really nice, chatting, friendly, sweet. Of course I got a bit of a crush on him, which is fading in the face of an actual relationship. But I know if this guy ever wanted to so much as meet for a drink I would do it. Aside from shared childhood stuff and tons of people we know in common, we both like to do most of the same stuff - sports, following the local teams, reading, biking, hiking, etc.

My question is, if this crush was not fading, would there have been a nice way to find out if the crush was even remotely mutual? He emailed and responded to every email, revealed some fairly personal stuff but was not particularly flirty. But he was definitely there. Most of my friends told me not to say anything because the guy likes to be the pursuer, but I'm soooo not that way. Usually if I'm interested I ask and if he's not interested I move along. Or stay friends with him. Is there a "what most men prefer" answer to this, or is this just I should be myself even though it's never worked for me before? I'm not patient with these things, I fully admit.
- September 19th, 2009, 06:51 pm
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brneyedangel brneyedangel is offline
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I'm not particularly patient with these sorts of things, either, Emme, but aside from flat out asking him, I don't know how else you would go about finding out what you want to know. When I work up my nerve to find something out, and nothing else has led me to believe that I shouldn't put much stock into the whole thing, I just go with it and ask!
- September 19th, 2009, 07:19 pm
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pussinboots pussinboots is offline
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If the guy is attracted to you whatsoever, he would have to be a moron not to appreciate your making the first move.

Hope it's not too late. Good luck!
- September 19th, 2009, 07:33 pm
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When_I_See_You_Smile When_I_See_You_Smile is offline
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Wait. It doesn't sound like your crush is fading to me. Bite the bullet and invite him out.
- September 19th, 2009, 07:49 pm
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Robert_inSD Robert_inSD is offline
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It's unanimous thus far... see if he'd like to meet. As a guy, I can say that I'm very flattered when a lady expresses such interest. I do not regard such an expression as being "desparate". Since you have already been communicating, it is simply a development or progression within the relationship.

If he seriously hesitates in response, you can always move him to the "friend zone". We'll all hope that you get the best of results.
- September 19th, 2009, 07:53 pm
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RebornInFire RebornInFire is offline
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I wish you luck but I'd like to correct what might be a misperception. For some guys (like myself) it's is easier to reveal personal information to women they view as friends. Revealing personal information early to someone you want to amorously pursue is a lot of harder and probably counterproductive.
- September 19th, 2009, 07:54 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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Is this all strictly hypothetical? Or are you really going to ask him?

Assuming you ask him, and he's interested, what then? Do you want to see them both?

You should be prepared to deal with that, if you do ask him.

If it were me, I would make sure I knew what I wanted to do, so that I didn't make things awkward needlessly....
- September 19th, 2009, 08:16 pm
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Emme Emme is offline
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If I ask him and he wants to meet, I will definitely meet him. I am casually dating the other man and he's extremely nice, but we are lacking connections in certain areas and I'm not sure that can be overcome. I'm still seeing him because he is truly a nice man and I really want a nice man so I'm hoping we can make the connections I want. It is because of him that the crush is fading. I was wondering about all this today because I got an email from the crush and I got to thinking. Not sure yet if I'll ask him, but knowing me I probably will suggest something, just to see where it goes. I'm not really holding out much hope for anything, but it seems a shame to feel like you've "met" someone easy to talk to with whom you have so much in common and let a possible good thing go by because of inertia.

Thanks for the unanimous advice! And, if it's true as one poster noted that it's easier to tell a friend somewhat personal things, I'm good with that too. He seems like a good guy. I'm always looking for good guys to do sports stuff with since most of my female friends aren't as tomboyish as I am.
- September 19th, 2009, 09:21 pm
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I'll repeat my response to notyet in another thread to you...

C'mon Emme, take one for the team and go for it.
- September 19th, 2009, 10:17 pm
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Monica1 Monica1 is offline
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Just ask him! I know after sharing lots of things as friends, if things evolve into something more it can make you feel extra vulnerable when taking that step, but sometimes it's worth giving it a shot! Maybe the next move is yours?
- September 20th, 2009, 07:04 am
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