nicoleak3 is offline nicoleak3 Post #1  September 19,2009, 3:10pm
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I was with my ex for three months, then he left me for his ex....then 4 months later got back together so obviosuly not stable as it is. Now we are broken up and this is why.

(I have anxiety issues, not severe but something he could deal with so he says)

for one whole week he was being very distant wouldnt come over and barely calling me so i asked a couple times if everything was ok he said yah everythings fine. After this long week of being confused and lost to why he was being wierd i confronted him and said i know somethings wrong lets please talk.
He responded with i don;t want to talk about it, leave me alone. i asked if our relationship was ok, he says im not going to answer that.

So i left balling my eyes out and that was that he did not talk to me for 6 weeks straight (we work together and i ignored him becuase i was hurt) ((itsup to him to come and talk to me at this point right?))

after this passed i get a call from him 6 weeks later for him to tell me the reason he was distant was because i was up his *** at work all the time, and if he told me he wanted space i would have started to cry so he didnt say anything just left me in the dark. and continued to tell me that i did this and i did that wrong, and my anxiety needs to be fixed (which i know) continues telling me that he has no issues and he doesnt have to change a thing and I do. and i was a virgin until him and im 24, keep in mind. he then tells me all i wanted him to come over for was sex. really?? now hes attacking me with random things and i hang up im done and anry with it all. But i need advice, i fear that going into any more relationships im always going to do something wrong? i dont know what to do.
Last edited by eHA_Admin_Lori; September 23,2009 at 12:42pm. Reason: removed obscenity
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  September 23,2009, 12:43pm
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My one wish for you, is love. :)

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Bumping this to see if we can lend the OP some of our great Community expertise....
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #3  September 23,2009, 1:03pm
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I'm really sorry he said those things to you. Nothing hurts more like someone you care about lashing out at you.

As far as advice, I can't offer much. My luck with men isn't great, so I don't have that experience to fall back on.

But as far as fearing you'll screw something up in future relationships, no one is perfect. From your post, you didn't screw anything up. We will all screw up, whether it be in dating, marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It's when the other person can overlook this and still love you for you, it won't matter.

I have an anxiety of crowds. The larger the crowd, the worse I am. I recently went to a bar w/a friend to see a band. I was so tense most the night, but she helped me ease up. Having anxiety is not doing something wrong. And even if in your mind you feel it is, it can be worked on.
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #4  September 23,2009, 10:22pm
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is happy.

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Are you receiving counseling for the anxiety? I'm confident that with counseling, you'll be fine and engage in healthy, loving relationships.

Manifest your destiny. Believe that you have what it takes to live a happy life and share it with someone worthy of your time. If your thoughts are fixed on thinking that you'll end up doing something wrong and ruining every relationship, then chances are high that this will happen. Focus on being the best that you can be to yourself and others.

There's no reason to believe that you'll ruin future relationships (don't place blame only on yourself; it's possible that the guy with whom you engaged in this relationship may not have been ready for one, either). Trust that you have the capacity to establish fulfilling, loving relationships and that you will not ruin this potential.

Provided you're seeking help to deal with the anxiety and that you're simultaneously working on being the best person that you can be to yourself, you're bound to have great relationships and attract men that are also ready to engage in them.


....Best wishes
Last edited by Doctora2012; September 23,2009 at 10:24pm.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  September 23,2009, 10:57pm
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well, quite honestly, that does sound like he's attacking you with random things. he's just not equipped to deal. my auntie has agoraphobia, and she and my uncle are lovey dovey like newly weds.

don't worry. cut worry off at the knees, sister. what he's saying is babble. don't try to reason through his individual points; it's all a white noise blur of babble. it's him not you.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  September 24,2009, 2:45am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Well, it sounds like a fair amount of emotional and psychological abuse is happening here and you should treat it as such, get counseling.

You honestly need to get away from this guy, cut all contact ...no answering the phone, no email, no IM, change jobs or get a transfer if you have to (this is why you don't date people from work) ...get this psycho leech out of your life.

You can't change him and you can't control how he has chosen to treat you ...you can only change yourself and control how you allow him to treat you.

Your choice, the ball is in your court.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #7  September 24,2009, 2:55pm
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is happy.

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To borrow a line...."So how's that workin for ya ?"
 
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