Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #1  September 16,2009, 7:00am
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Hey folks this is new territory for me so advice would be appreciated.

The girl I was dateing all summer and had developed real feeling for broke up with me in an email. Not just that but it was in the middle of my work day. Her stated reasons were all about physical looks and attraction. She followed this up with asking to just be friends.

Fine.

I was hurt and confused but I take people at their word. I decided to save myself the trama and drama and simply told her I am disapointed but I can except that. I told her I hope she finds someone who will treat her like I treat her and is also exceptionaly attractive. I wished her the best in all things and started the process of moveing on.

I may not be the most attractive man in the universe but I am a good guy and not exactly Quazi Modo. So before to long I had a couple dates planed out. Well alright than things aren't so bad.

Than things got strange.

My now (ex)girlfriend calls me on saterday afternoon that she is almost at my house...Um OK...She arrives walks in as if nothing has changed and sets up shop on my kitchen counter with her laptop and schoolwork...She proceeds to study and write while I do housework (thinking WTH!) and resisting the urge to kick her out. Finaly she gets done and wants dinner. So we go out and we both pay for our meal. She starts talking to me about how confused she is about her life, wants, needs, dreams...In my head and heart is absulute tourmoul. But I do my best to listen and respond as I would with any of my other friends. I am a Christian man and so I talked to her about God and whether she had prayed about this stuff or not. She asked me if I had found someone to date yet or not and I told her I had one planed for the next day. She was visibly upset at this...We talked for a couple of hours. We went back to the house and I had to go to a party and managed to send her home with some friendly advice and not saying anything I would regret. (But boy I was thinking them)

I assumed we were going to be all set now she would go find some fabio looking dude to take her away from all this on a white horse. I would go back to the dateing scene and find someone who would look at me the same way I look at them.

I went on my date on Sunday night. It went extremly well. The girl was very cute and kind. We had a great time. We are going to spend this upcomeing Saterday togeather at the mall. We had a long call last night. Things seem well on track and she seems like someone who has way less trama and drama. Just fun even if it doesn't work out.

Well awsome except (ex)girlfriend calls me all distressed at 9:30 on Monday evening. She says she made a big mistake. She wants to keep dateing me. She and I talked for over an hour. I told her I am not sure what to do about this. It was her idea to just be friends. I explained that girls who are my friends don't come over to my house alone, call me late at night, or go out to movies or dinner togeather one on one. Those things are things I do with girls I am dateing. She can't have it both ways. I explained that it is not fair to expect me to be commited and loveing to her with no commitment or resiprication back. Thats not only unfair it's cruel. She asked me to give her a chance. I told her so you are asking for a second chance? She said yes. I said I am not sure about this but if you want to start dateing again and seeing what happens than lets go out Friday night and talk about how things are going to be diffrent. She was very excited and thankful.

Well so far I have once again heard very little from her. Same old same old. At this point I am set with other options and prospects. I think it would take a lot of changes from her to make it work. I love her but I will not let myself be destroyed by her. This is one of those times that I am sure I am makeing a foolish mistake. However I expect nothing to come of it so I guess worse case is not so bad and best case she makes a real change.

Well this went long didn't it. Your thoughts are always welcome.

Goodluck all,
Bearwolf102
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #2  September 16,2009, 7:16am
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RUN AWAY!!!
This girl is going to keep doing this to you as long as you let her. The best thing you could do for yourself is cut off communication with her. I've read your previous posts, and I really think this is an unhealthy relationship. I would not go out with her Friday night if I were you. In fact, I'd change my phone number and my locks. JMHO.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  September 16,2009, 7:26am
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you need to cut this girl off. something is seriously wrong. you sound like a very nice and patient person and she is taking advantage of it.

seriously next time she calls you for counsel tell her to go pray and read her bible or tell her to go to her pastor.

she is being extremely selfish
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  September 16,2009, 7:37am
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It sounds like the ex is going to drag you down. She probably wants you back because she's seeing you are being more successful than she is at dating and her ego can't handle that. She rather be dating you and be miserable (not a crack on you) than face the fact that you have moved on from her. It seems she wants YOU to pine for her when she's dating others, but not the other way around.

You had a good date. Follow up on that, and see how it pans out. Worse case scenario, do what she's trying to do to you. Go out with someone and if it doesn't work out, go back with her, although I seriously think you would not enjoy that relationship much if you really look at it.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #5  September 16,2009, 7:39am
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I've also scanned through your other posts about this relationship. It's not about what she wants anymore but about what you want. In another thread you mentioned that she kept you at arms length emotionally, that you put most of the effort into the relationship.

She ended the relationship via email then waltzes into your house making demands on you and your time which you put up with graciously. I can't see her behaving any differently going forward. So, if you are willing to put up with that kind of treatment then go ahead and get back together. If not, as you've found out already, there are other fish in the sea who will treat you as you should be treated.

Personally, I think you deserve better!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  September 16,2009, 7:40am
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She sounds like a wingnut...not only that, but a user as well..
Does she have a key??
Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get too involved with her.
She most likely got dumped by the guy she dumped you for, so now she wants to come back...
uh...no.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that she won't be dropping by unexpectedly anymore.
No way would I even talk to this woman again unless some serious ground rules were laid out.

If she wants to set up her laptop and study, tell her to go do it at Starbucks.
Last edited by TheThinker; September 16,2009 at 7:45am.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #7  September 16,2009, 7:46am

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Bearwolf102 wrote :


My now (ex)girlfriend calls me on saterday afternoon that she is almost at my house.... She starts talking to me about how confused she is about her life, wants, needs, dreams....

She asked me if I had found someone to date yet or not and I told her I had one planed for the next day. She was visibly upset at this...


I went on my date on Sunday night. It went extremly well. .





Goodluck all,
Bearwolf102
Hey Bear, From your last post in the other thread on this. I figured you were going to stand your ground. It does seem that you caved a little bit by allowing her to take over your kitchen.

Hmm.. interesting!. On Saturday she was so confused on about life. Then you tell her you have a date and Bam! 24hours later she has her life all figured out.

IMO she only figured out that she didn't completely crush you the last time and is disappointed you're not sitting on the couch without shaving or showering for weeks on end pining for her. I agree with MS This might be a reocurring theme with her. If I was in your shoes I don't know if I would run away.. but I'm also not sure I would give her a second chance either. I feel you already know what the best course of action is for you.

You had a great time with the other date.. I would continue to pursue that avenue and see where that leads.
best of luck
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; September 16,2009 at 8:24am.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  September 16,2009, 8:16am

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wrote :
Well so far I have once again heard very little from her
that doesn't seem like someone who wants to change.

she doesn't really want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either- she's just keeping you around until she finds a bigger and better deal. you are her insurance policy.

you seem like a great guy- you deserve better than her.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #9  September 16,2009, 8:18am
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Thank you folks. It's good to hear that my feelings about this are not unfounded. I believe Friday will be very telling. I expect that setting ground rules will be more than she will want to do. I am a nice guy but I won't be her door mat either. I am to busy to play highschool games with her.

We will see what happens. But I am looking forward to Saterday which I know will be fun. Friday night I could take or leave.

Have a great one,
Bearwolf102
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #10  September 16,2009, 8:27am
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P.S. she does not have a key lol
 
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