appleeyes625 is offline appleeyes625 Post #1  September 15,2009, 9:20am
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Hi everyone my name is Vanessa, recently I started dating a man that is twice my age ! And not only that but when we started dating and getting serious it had only been 6 months since his wife has passed away from a heroine overdose. At first I had it in my mind it was too soon to start a serious relationship with this person who just lost his wife of 8 years but I ended up having strong feelings for him and his 3 year old son. Now we have been dating for about 4 months and he wants me to move in with him and start a life and family with him , but we got into an argument over me not being ready to make that commitment because of my school not being completed and i need full concentration to finish in a timely and effective manner soooo we took a break for a few weeks. Although we were still speaking on the phone daily we didnt see each other and finally when i go to visit my man that i love and miss so much, i see him for the first time and he shows me a tattoo of his passed on wifes name and when i asked him why didn't u mention it on the phone we spoke everyday and his answer was that 'he was mad at me and we were taking a break and this was something he wanted to do anyway' ... Please help im trying to understand that this woman is gone and is the mother of his son but rite now i cant look at another womans name staring me in the face...maybe if he had it before we started dating i would have understood but im more upset that he didnt say anything and its not about getting a tattoo, its the concept of who is tattooed on him ..HELP !
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  September 15,2009, 1:16pm
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Taking a break doesn't mean the same thing to all people. To me, it most definitely means (unless we are married) that the relationship is off. Not dating.

His wife hasn't been gone long ... it seems from what you have written that you both started your relationship while he was still grieving. The grieving process will take as long as it takes, a new relationship isn't going to hurry that up.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #3  September 15,2009, 2:38pm
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IMO....he probably needs a physical connection and a body presence to survive the loneliness....but if the tattoo bothers you, then you probably also have to wonder who he's really making love with when you sleep with him....OK...I would wonder.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #4  September 15,2009, 6:33pm
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meri75 wrote :

His wife hasn't been gone long ... it seems from what you have written that you both started your relationship while he was still grieving. The grieving process will take as long as it takes, a new relationship isn't going to hurry that up.
Yeah, I think he is still grieving and it was probably too soon for him to start a new relationship.

I learned my lesson the hard way - never get involved with someone who is newly or recently divorced or widowed....ever. And I don't want to be the first person they date even after some time has passed either. Maybe I wouldn't mind being second after at least a year has passed.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #5  September 15,2009, 7:16pm
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Hi Vanessa: Not to minimize your situation, but please stay focused on your goal which is to complete your education. You can play "step mom" at a later time.

Then again, I'm not clear why the tattoo gives you pause. You mention that you "cant look at another womans name staring me in the face" but you see "her face" when you look at her son. You see "her face" when you visit her house. Although dead, she's in your face.

What's a little ink?
 
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