Girl turns boy to ball of goo


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Joeyaz is offline Joeyaz Post #1  September 14,2009, 4:57pm
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Warning I enjoy writing...

To explain my title I have met a great amazing girl who makes me feel foolish - in a good way. My mind and everything I've learned about women in my life become .. just straight goo

Some back story on myself, So I'm never been a smooth type of guy with girls. In my younger years I was horribly shy almost paralyzing, I'm slightly more comfortable now almost what most would consider normal. Yet somehow I've been very fortunate with women. Most of the time I can say its because they approached me or pursued me. You think I wouldn't be picky right? Yeah a guy who grew up a chubby boy with acne and has/had low self esteem is picky.

Well I don't think I'm picky but friends and family say I am. I guess its hard for me to find someone I like. Is that so wrong? I'm just not a serial dater. The last person I liked was at the beginning of the year.. that was a crazy experience but it was good. In fact after it was over I was down and came here for advice (thanks guys!)

I seem to find about one girl a year who I really like and this has gone on for a few years since about age 25 from 16-24 I was in a LTR. I'm 28 now. I keep hearing from everyone how I'm aging and need to "settle" for someone and stop being picky. I've gotten this bad rep from friends and family as someone who will never settle down That's not me I do enjoy being in a good relationship and do want to settle down if I find the right person.

Okay enough of that. I told you I like to write! Let me tell you about this girl I met and why I'm here.

A good friend/co worker of mine has wanted me to meet his sister in law for about 2 years. I finally broke down and went to a gathering of his and she was there.. of course me being my shy self didn't talk to her all night. Her sisters kept making lil comments for me to talk to her (we were the only 2 single people there) Finally she came and sat down next to me and broke the ice. We ended up talking all night for about 3 hours till everyone left. I excused myself to leave and she walked me out.. all I could must was... "well.. goodnight" and ran off with my tail between my legs. My friend was texting me and telling me to not leave without her number. I felt dumb and convinced him to ask her if I could have her number the next day.

We texted and talked a little and have gone on two dates so far. One on 9/3 and then on 9/6 after that and I haven't seen her since. They went great! I mean we got along really really good and have so much in common, share so many goals and well I feel we fit pretty darn good I am amazed that she is single and on a date with me! She is definitely someone who I can date seriously. She is everything I have been looking for. I wanted to do this the right way. I totally respect her and want to be the gentleman and great guy she deserves. I feel really nervous around her. Both dates have lasted hours and both times I walked her to her door, we end up talking in her door way for a bit and then and asked if I could give her a hug. I got a good hug both times. This is way new for me. Sad as it is I have never courted a women like this.. previously things have progressed really quickly and became physical and the ice was melted. I don't want this with this girl.

Okay to my problems, she is really really busy. Works two full time jobs and spends lot of time with her nieces and family. I understand this and she has told me before. Regardless I try to keep in touch with her daily at least to say hi in a simple text. She usually gets back to me within a few hours... and once or twice not at all. She cannot have a phone at either job so its on silent or put away. I'm not the type of guy who is persistant. Meaning if I don't get a reply to a text or call I won't text or call again. I'm trying to be different with her I think she is worth me being kinda persistent and perhaps looking foolish and being out of character.

I try to get information out of my buddy who hooked us up but he doesn't feel that would be fair and I understand that. (His wife who is her sister threatened him not to be feeding me information lol ) Still though he has given me hints before like she prefers a call rather then a text. she is not a texter and I am.. I'm working on it. In fact I just called and left her a message right now just to say hi and see how her sisters baby shower was the day before. He also mentioned that he had heard that she feels that I'm not that interested and don't ask her out to do things.

I've held back because I know how busy she is. I took his advice and asked her out on Friday for a late movie. She said she was too tired. We talked about plans for a bit and she mentioned she don't like to make plans but likes to do things on the spur of a moment. She kinda hinted around the fact that if I want to see her I have to ask. "If you don't ask you wont know" was one thing she said, also "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" this is out of character for me I like to plan and know whats going to happen... but I'm going to be a squeaky wheel.. or try too because I really like her. I don't know if she "likes" me though.. I'm clueless when it comes to that.. I can't read signs or anything. Still I think she might like me. I came out and told her that I really enjoy her company and getting to know her and formally asked for a third date. She replied that she had a good time and that would be fine. I worry sometimes that she is being nice cause I'm her sisters husbands good friend and doesn't really feel the spark like I do. I don't want to move quick and perhaps I like her too much already...

That third date hasn't happened yet but I'm optimistic it will. I feel like a goofball around her.. I'm scared to get near or to touch her. I really want to maybe hold her hand but I get nervous.. silly right? Ladies should I just ask "Can I hold you hand" or just reach for it? What would be a good time for that? I'm thinking our next date will be a movie or dinner.. should I reach for her hand when we are walking up to the destination. She had touched my shoulder a few times and I tense up. Should I plan on something more informal and silly like mini golf or bowling? Our second hug I felt her turn towards me like maybe I should of gone for a kiss? Is this wrong should I wait.. or maybe one on the cheek. I feel silly being a 28 year old dude asking these questions but who else can I go to but my friends at eHarmony advice ?

Normally I can handle myself in these situations well but in this case I'm a ball of goo, its like I'm that inexperienced young boy again on his first date. Its a great feeling though. I'm happy I can still feel this way with someone

I should mention that I have met her parents when I picked her up and they seemed to like me and all her sisters (5) totally like me for her from what I've heard.

Sorry for the novel!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 14,2009, 7:44pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Abridge version maybe?
 
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OneDollar is offline OneDollar Post #3  September 14,2009, 7:57pm
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Hi Joey.

Wow, you do like to write. And that kind of analysis-paralysis is keeping you from enjoying a friendship with this lively gal you really like.
1. If it's going to interfere with your family relationships, you may want to reconsider your pursuit.
2. Sound like you might benefit from a dose of testosterone, my friend. Do something that really gets you pumped, like lifting weights or something, make up your mind, and dive in with this girl. Do what it takes! Just don't play any games, she'll know.

She sounds like the kind of girl everyone wants to be friends with, so really, she told you! she only has so much time.
And so do you.
Better to get smacked on the nose than to die wondering.

Go man, go!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  September 15,2009, 3:19am
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Joeyaz wrote :
That third date hasn't happened yet but I'm optimistic it will. I feel like a goofball around her.. I'm scared to get near or to touch her. I really want to maybe hold her hand but I get nervous.. silly right? Ladies should I just ask "Can I hold you hand" or just reach for it? What would be a good time for that? I'm thinking our next date will be a movie or dinner.. should I reach for her hand when we are walking up to the destination. She had touched my shoulder a few times and I tense up. Should I plan on something more informal and silly like mini golf or bowling? Our second hug I felt her turn towards me like maybe I should of gone for a kiss? Is this wrong should I wait.. or maybe one on the cheek. I feel silly being a 28 year old dude asking these questions but who else can I go to but my friends at eHarmony advice ?
I'll get to your questions in a moment as they are related to what I really want to say ...

You have far bigger problems than you think, Joey. If you are coming out of the starting gate as a "pile of goo" around her, you are already doing the wrong thing. It insinuates that you have placed her on a pedestal, that you have self-esteem issues, that you think she is somehow 'better' than you are, that you possibly bring no value to the table ...all of it, wrong wrong wrong. She is just a woman, Joey ...a silly, cootie-filled, woman and nothing special. Wrap your head around this. She's human, if you poke her with a stick, she will bleed red blood just like you do (although, as a rule, I do not suggest this =P), not sugar and spice. Man up and start manufacturing some testosterone, Joey, or all of this is going to turn her off.

Your second mistake, and related to your first mistake, is that you are way overthinking this ...planning the 3rd date in excruciating detail, a date by the way, you don't even have yet ...when to hold her hand ...when to kiss her ...bad bad BAD. You need to get this stuff out of your head. I liked One Dollar's statement, "Analysis-Paralysis" because that's exactly what this kind of behavior does, it gets you so locked up in your head that you fail to act ...then you are kicking yourself later because you let an opportunity slip by.

Third, let's talk about the girl here for a moment ...she's already throwing up some really big red flags - she's ignoring your texts and phone calls, she's already turned you down for one offer of a date because she's "too tired", she's too busy to probably even be dating in the first place, has all but come right out and said that she wants you to chase her ("the squeeky wheel get's the oil?" ...lol ...wth?) and be at her beck-and-call when *she's* ready to go out ("I'm a spur of the moment kind of person"). You should honestly step back and gauge what kind of interest she's showing you because, from where I'm sitting, it's pretty minimal.

Seriously, this woman doesn't need a man, she needs a dog.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #5  September 15,2009, 3:32am
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Highlighted are some comments to your some of your text.

Still though he has given me hints before like she prefers a call rather then a text. I hope you have called her more than the once you mentioned.
He also mentioned that he had heard that she feels that I'm not that interested and don't ask her out to do things. I know it is easier said than done, but just ask her already.
I've held back because I know how busy she is. Don't hold back, especially BECAUSE she is busy. If she is busy and you hold back you won't be able to see her very often because of her schedule. I took his advice and asked her out on Friday for a late movie. She said she was too tired. We talked about plans for a bit and she mentioned she don't like to make plans but likes to do things on the spur of a moment. Seems like you are getting mixed signals here a bit. She wants to do things spur of the moment, yet is very busy. Hopefully she has a regular work schedule so that you can try to do things spur of the moment. She kinda hinted around the fact that if I want to see her I have to ask. But didn't you? Sounds to me a little like she doesn't want to meet you half way and make any moves herself. Maybe she prefers the guy to always be the pursuer? If a guy called me and asked me out and I was too tired, I would suggest an alternative day "How about such and such day instead?" By the way, you should have also done this if she didn't. If she said no to that night, then suggest another date to get something down. FYI, if I was really interested in a guy, even if I was tired, I probably would have gone. "If you don't ask you wont know" was one thing she said, also "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" this is out of character for me I like to plan and know whats going to happen... but I'm going to be a squeaky wheel.. Definitely sounds like she wants you to be more aggressive. I don't know if she "likes" me though.. I'm clueless when it comes to that.. If she keeps going out with you, she likes you. Don't overthink things!!!!
I came out and told her that I really enjoy her company and getting to know her and formally asked for a third date. No need to be formal for a third date.
I worry sometimes that she is being nice cause I'm her sisters husbands good friend and doesn't really feel the spark like I do. She doesn't have any obligation to go out on 3 dates if she didn't like you a little, irregardless of who she is related to. Her "obligation" was over after the first date, or even the first conversation. I don't want to move quick and perhaps I like her too much already... There's nothing wrong with liking her, and yes, you need to move quicker! She said "the squeaking wheel gets the grease!"
That third date hasn't happened yet but I'm optimistic it will. If you "formally" asked her out on a third date already, then why is it not scheduled? I am very confused......Now I feel like I am getting mixed signals from you too.
Ladies should I just ask "Can I hold you hand" or just reach for it? I am a firm believer in politeness on a date, however, I also do not like it when someone is so overly polite that it is cloying. For God's sake, don't ask permission to hold her hand and just do it! What would be a good time for that? Any time.
should I reach for her hand when we are walking up to the destination. Again, don't overanalyze! Just do it when it feels right. She had touched my shoulder a few times and I tense up. One of the indicators that someone may like you is when they touch you casually. It may also indicate that she wants you to touch her. Should I plan on something more informal and silly like mini golf or bowling? Sounds good, but also if you have chosen the date suggestions before, maybe ask her if there is something she might like to do? Be ready with a couple suggestions (hopefully you have some ideas of her likes and dislikes from your conversations). Our second hug I felt her turn towards me like maybe I should of gone for a kiss? Go for it already!!! .

Sorry for the novel! Novels are okay on occasion, I am prone to them myself, however, the extent of time spent on mentioning the "picky" part told us a little about you as a person, but really had no relation to your questions about this girl. When you write your novels, go back and read it and then ask yourself, "does this pertain to my actual question(s)?"
Some posters will disregard a post completely if it is too long, so you could miss out on some valuable responses. Too short is not good either of course!
Good luck to you and keep us posted.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #6  September 15,2009, 3:39am
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Ditto on what what both OneDollar and BikerBeagle had to say too.
 
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blueshoe is offline blueshoe Post #7  September 15,2009, 1:35pm
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Well I can relate as someone who anilyzes every detail but I think BikerBeagle has some good points.
If you have so much in common why not try something you would do with your guy buddies. Try asking yourself this question..." If she were a man would he be my friend?" If the answer is yes your on good ground. Take her to a sporting event or horseback riding or something. Just the two of you having fun with the event not necessarily something where you are so focused on each other. Get physical to fast and thats a sure way to end it pronto.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #8  September 15,2009, 2:19pm
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I might be slightly dyslexic....was there a brass pole anywhere in that novel that led to this goo factor ?
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #9  September 15,2009, 8:18pm
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Joeyaz wrote :
Warning I enjoy writing...

To explain my title I have met a great amazing girl who makes me feel foolish - in a good way. My mind and everything I've learned about women in my life become .. just straight goo

Some back story on myself, So I'm never been a smooth type of guy with girls. In my younger years I was horribly shy almost paralyzing, I'm slightly more comfortable now almost what most would consider normal. Yet somehow I've been very fortunate with women. Most of the time I can say its because they approached me or pursued me. You think I wouldn't be picky right? Yeah a guy who grew up a chubby boy with acne and has/had low self esteem is picky.

Well I don't think I'm picky but friends and family say I am. I guess its hard for me to find someone I like. Is that so wrong? I'm just not a serial dater. The last person I liked was at the beginning of the year.. that was a crazy experience but it was good. In fact after it was over I was down and came here for advice (thanks guys!)

I seem to find about one girl a year who I really like and this has gone on for a few years since about age 25 from 16-24 I was in a LTR. I'm 28 now. I keep hearing from everyone how I'm aging and need to "settle" for someone and stop being picky. I've gotten this bad rep from friends and family as someone who will never settle down That's not me I do enjoy being in a good relationship and do want to settle down if I find the right person.

Okay enough of that. I told you I like to write! Let me tell you about this girl I met and why I'm here.

A good friend/co worker of mine has wanted me to meet his sister in law for about 2 years. I finally broke down and went to a gathering of his and she was there.. of course me being my shy self didn't talk to her all night. Her sisters kept making lil comments for me to talk to her (we were the only 2 single people there) Finally she came and sat down next to me and broke the ice. We ended up talking all night for about 3 hours till everyone left. I excused myself to leave and she walked me out.. all I could must was... "well.. goodnight" and ran off with my tail between my legs. My friend was texting me and telling me to not leave without her number. I felt dumb and convinced him to ask her if I could have her number the next day.

We texted and talked a little and have gone on two dates so far. One on 9/3 and then on 9/6 after that and I haven't seen her since. They went great! I mean we got along really really good and have so much in common, share so many goals and well I feel we fit pretty darn good I am amazed that she is single and on a date with me! She is definitely someone who I can date seriously. She is everything I have been looking for. I wanted to do this the right way. I totally respect her and want to be the gentleman and great guy she deserves. I feel really nervous around her. Both dates have lasted hours and both times I walked her to her door, we end up talking in her door way for a bit and then and asked if I could give her a hug. I got a good hug both times. This is way new for me. Sad as it is I have never courted a women like this.. previously things have progressed really quickly and became physical and the ice was melted. I don't want this with this girl.

Okay to my problems, she is really really busy. Works two full time jobs and spends lot of time with her nieces and family. I understand this and she has told me before. Regardless I try to keep in touch with her daily at least to say hi in a simple text. She usually gets back to me within a few hours... and once or twice not at all. She cannot have a phone at either job so its on silent or put away. I'm not the type of guy who is persistant. Meaning if I don't get a reply to a text or call I won't text or call again. I'm trying to be different with her I think she is worth me being kinda persistent and perhaps looking foolish and being out of character.

I try to get information out of my buddy who hooked us up but he doesn't feel that would be fair and I understand that. (His wife who is her sister threatened him not to be feeding me information lol ) Still though he has given me hints before like she prefers a call rather then a text. she is not a texter and I am.. I'm working on it. In fact I just called and left her a message right now just to say hi and see how her sisters baby shower was the day before. He also mentioned that he had heard that she feels that I'm not that interested and don't ask her out to do things.

I've held back because I know how busy she is. I took his advice and asked her out on Friday for a late movie. She said she was too tired. We talked about plans for a bit and she mentioned she don't like to make plans but likes to do things on the spur of a moment. She kinda hinted around the fact that if I want to see her I have to ask. "If you don't ask you wont know" was one thing she said, also "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" this is out of character for me I like to plan and know whats going to happen... but I'm going to be a squeaky wheel.. or try too because I really like her. I don't know if she "likes" me though.. I'm clueless when it comes to that.. I can't read signs or anything. Still I think she might like me. I came out and told her that I really enjoy her company and getting to know her and formally asked for a third date. She replied that she had a good time and that would be fine. I worry sometimes that she is being nice cause I'm her sisters husbands good friend and doesn't really feel the spark like I do. I don't want to move quick and perhaps I like her too much already...

That third date hasn't happened yet but I'm optimistic it will. I feel like a goofball around her.. I'm scared to get near or to touch her. I really want to maybe hold her hand but I get nervous.. silly right? Ladies should I just ask "Can I hold you hand" or just reach for it? What would be a good time for that? I'm thinking our next date will be a movie or dinner.. should I reach for her hand when we are walking up to the destination. She had touched my shoulder a few times and I tense up. Should I plan on something more informal and silly like mini golf or bowling? Our second hug I felt her turn towards me like maybe I should of gone for a kiss? Is this wrong should I wait.. or maybe one on the cheek. I feel silly being a 28 year old dude asking these questions but who else can I go to but my friends at eHarmony advice ?

Normally I can handle myself in these situations well but in this case I'm a ball of goo, its like I'm that inexperienced young boy again on his first date. Its a great feeling though. I'm happy I can still feel this way with someone

I should mention that I have met her parents when I picked her up and they seemed to like me and all her sisters (5) totally like me for her from what I've heard.

Sorry for the novel!
Does this come in an audiobook?
 
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Joeyaz is offline Joeyaz Post #10  September 15,2009, 8:53pm
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Okay thanks for the advice

I came here for advice because I haven't ever really pursued a girl and romanced her this way. So I think about it alot. This kind of messes me up and I don't know how to handle it. In previous relationships things turned physical really quick and after that I wouldn't worry about holding her hand or going in for a kiss or whether she really liked me
Lets see a few things.. she is a sister in law of a friend. So no interfering with my family relationships

Some Testosterone would be good I do work out 4 days a week so maybe I need to try something else, I'll remember be the alpha be the alpha..

I'll try to remember she is human and has insecurities like me and if things don't go great.. Well its not the end of the world. I'll try to take her off the pedestal she is on now!

I do over analyze things that are important to me at the time. I see this and its good to see other peoples point of views on my behaviour.


I'm not sure I made it clear but a couple times I didn't hear back from her right away but I do hear back. She will call or text and apologize for not getting back that evening or whatever. She knows I'm up early and won't want to disturb me after she gets off late.. although I really won't mind a late text or call. I've played games you can say and purposely haven't texted or called all day just to see if she will bother to make contact and she does eventually ..

The day she turned me down late in the evening cause she was tired she did say that it sounded really great and fun just that she was exhausted. I try to understand.

The last time we went out when I was saying good bye I mentioned that I had a good time and I'll talk to her again.. kinda lame I know I should of set something up there but I got nervous and she surprised me when she said she would be really busy these next two weeks but maybe we could do something again soon. Sorry I left that out of the novel.

I kind of see of it this way. She does want to be pursued, is this a bad thing? I was talking to someone about my hesitation to pursue what I want. I've never been that type of guy. He kind of put it in perspective. "Is the juice worth the squeeze" I think so.

Okay guys I'm gonna try to remember the valuable advice I'm reading here. I do over think things way too much and become a worrier I need to work on that. Deep down I know what I need to do I just need to hear it from you guys

Thanks again!
 
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