Date #1 was AMAZING. Date #2 was cancelled. Please help


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CMackNJ is offline CMackNJ Post #1  September 9,2009, 2:47pm
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I went on my first date last Thursday with "Joe". It was a date that you just didn't want to end (which never ever happens for me). We laughed all night. After dinner we came back to my place & talked into the early hours and ended up falling asleep in each others arms. I promise you NOTHING happened. The next morning we made plans to get together again on Sunday. He couldn't kiss me enough as he was leaving. Before I got to work he already called asking if he could bring breakfast to my job since he was in the area. I said no but thank you. He told me again what an amazing time he had the night before. I was heading down the shore for the weekend so he asked me to call him later. I did call him when I got down- everything was still great. Saturday I left him a vm in the early evening to say hello and to call me if he had a chance otherwise I would talk to him the next day (date day). I didn't hear back from him which I didn't think anything about. I called him Sunday morning & no answer. Now I was beginning to wonder. I didn't hear from him all day. Tried him again in the afternoon to see if we were still on for Sunday night. He couldn't get me off the phone fast enough. Said "he believed" we were still on for that night but he would have to call me back. Around 6:30 I got a text saying we'd have to make it another night bc he had his kids. "Thanks for understanding". Needless to say I didn't reply to the text. Now here I am- it's Wednesday. Can someone please explain to me what the heck happened between Fri night & Sunday??
I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  September 9,2009, 3:56pm
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Too many possibilities here:

1. He truly got tied up with legitimate things and can't get around to scheduling another date.

2. He is already in a relationship.

3. Something happened which you haven't told us but led him to lose interest or think you are not interested.

That's for starters. I don't know why you didn't reply to his text, though. He probably senses that your lack of response means you're not happy with him, and maybe he's letting you "cool off" before trying to contact you again. It really could be any number of things.

It sounds like you were caught up with that first date, but if he doesn't contact you by the end of this week you should probably move on. Best of luck to you.
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #3  September 9,2009, 3:58pm
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Oh gosh, if I had a nickel for every time this has happened to me. I am truly sorry; I know this hurts.

John Gray ("Mars & Venus") calls this guy the blowtorcher. Comes on extremely strong, but burns out just as quickly. Who knows why? Either:

1) He liked you SO much, his feelings scared him
2) He was multi-dating and realized he likes someone else better
3) He has an issue with his kids/ex/job, that has nothing to do with you
4) None of the above, just a classic blowtorcher.

You are still communicating with others? My advice: get a date with someone ASAP. Just meet someone for coffee, just get out, get some conversation going, and leave this guy.

You've communicated enough with him via texts and phone calls; the ball, if it is still alive, is in his court. But do not sit and pine over this; you have done nothing wrong.

Again, I'm sorry about this. It does bite.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  September 9,2009, 4:00pm
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Let me go with the short version: He's not that into you.

Let me go with the longer version: With a combination of no sex and the residual doubt that he undoubtedly is feeling (possibly he's thinking that you're not interested), he's reevaluating where he stands with you, and he's going to end up to the point where he's just not that into you.
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #5  September 9,2009, 4:02pm
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tbesq wrote :

I don't know why you didn't reply to his text, though. He probably senses that your lack of response means you're not happy with him, and maybe he's letting you "cool off" before trying to contact you again.
tbesq and I must have posted at the same time; I just saw this. I guess I didn't read that you didn't respond to his text.

Why didn't you respond to his text? When you date a person with kids, many things will come up. He probably sees your non-response as lack of interest or just plain coldness, which he doesn't want to have to deal with. "This girl just doesn't understand my situation".

You might send a quick "Hi, how is your week going? How are your kids?" text.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #6  September 9,2009, 4:18pm

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I have to agree with tbesg & zisagirl.. The no reply of the text,would've made me think the same. that quick text suggestion sounds like a great way to reach out to him..
Oh.. and Mr. Right is way off on the lack of sex comment!
 
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Jato87 is offline Jato87 Post #7  September 9,2009, 4:26pm
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It might be his kids, but I'm inclined to think that he's either married, or, since he spent the night, that he's still involved in another relationship that suddenly reasserted herself into his life.

His actions really seem like panicked excuses rather than the considered actions of someone who is in total control of his own life. He isn't.

Ignore him. He'll surely get back in touch once his "crisis" is resolved. That will be the time to insist on logical explanations.

In the meantime, occupy your time with others. That's always the best medicine.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #8  September 9,2009, 4:28pm
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Either he's already taken or he was just in it for a super short ego stroke.

For your own peace of mind, call to reschedule something for this upcoming weekend and see where it goes. What do you have to lose at this point?
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #9  September 9,2009, 4:32pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
Oh.. and Mr. Right is way off on the lack of sex comment!
Has it come to this...no sex on the first date is an open invitation to bail? What happened to withholding the cookie until 90 days?
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  September 9,2009, 4:52pm
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It's not something I would do, of course.

I can only go by generalizations due to the lack of information.

And flowerchild66, I agree with you and Steve Harvey about withholding the cookie for 90 days.
 
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