I have a hard time dealing with the rejection.


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erichfromm is offline erichfromm Post #1  August 31,2009, 8:37pm
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I don't know why i do this. I sign up for these dating sites - I've tried them all(this is my 2nd time on eharm), they NEVER work. I realize after a short while that they've never worked for me and probably never will. I quit and decide that I'll try my luck in the real world (again), that doesn't work (again). Then I get desperate and lonely enough where I go back and try the internet again and it get's me nowhere. NOWHERE! I've tried using the internet for dating on and off for 8 years and it has yielded no positive results whatsoever. I've gone on a couple of first dates and that's it. I haven't been on a date in years.
Clearly I don't get it. I see know happy couples but there happiness eludes me. I understand that people are metting and dating all the time but I cannot achieve this seemingly simple thing - getting a date. I guess there's at least one single woman around my age that would be interested in dating me but i don't know where she is and I don't know how to find her.
I don't have low self-esteem, I just don't think most women are interested in the kind of guy I am.
I know - be positive - I know. But this dating online thing doesn't help. It makes me feel worse because all it is for me is rejection. I feel better when I stay home alone and pretend the world outside doesn't exist.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #2  September 1,2009, 11:05am
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Why not try a different approach if that's not working for you ?
There are some amazing women of all types on these boards. Fill out your profile, post a picture, and post on things you find interesting. Make some friends here and get your feet wet with male/female interaction. Who knows where that might lead ? Good luck.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  September 1,2009, 11:58am
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hazmat wrote :
Why not try a different approach if that's not working for you ?
There are some amazing women of all types on these boards. Fill out your profile, post a picture, and post on things you find interesting. Make some friends here and get your feet wet with male/female interaction. Who knows where that might lead ? Good luck.
I think hazmat hit the nail on the head here. A different approach might do you some good!
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #4  September 1,2009, 12:37pm
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At the very least these boards are a whole lot more fun than the online dating experience! Come on, get your flirt on!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  September 1,2009, 1:36pm
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Eric,
This is the 3rd or 4th time I've suggested something similar this week.
Almost all the guys I know that have trouble dating don't have very many friends.

Do you have friends? Guy friends? A group of dudes with the same interests and are also single? You live in the DC area so there shouldn't be a shortage of single women your age. If you don't have many friends, MAKE SOME!
Go out for a picture of beer on Sunday and watch football games with these guys at the local sports bar. A perfect place to meet and talk to young ladies. You'll have the benefit of a group of guys behind you supporting you (probably laughing while you do it but who cares), something fun to do, wingmen, and you can also see and learn how they interact with the gals.
Men without guy friends or who don't spend time with them never develop or loose the skills needed to be social. They also tend to have lower self-esteem and confidence in social interactions. These things (social skills and confidence) are REQUIRED to attract a woman. In fact, you can be the most physically attractive guy in the world but if you don't have friends, wit, charm, and the skill of gab, you're ugly.
Do you have friends you can go out with?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  September 1,2009, 10:29pm
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erichfromm wrote :
I don't know why i do this. I sign up for these dating sites - I've tried them all(this is my 2nd time on eharm), they NEVER work. I realize after a short while that they've never worked for me and probably never will. I quit and decide that I'll try my luck in the real world (again), that doesn't work (again). Then I get desperate and lonely enough where I go back and try the internet again and it get's me nowhere. NOWHERE! I've tried using the internet for dating on and off for 8 years and it has yielded no positive results whatsoever. I've gone on a couple of first dates and that's it. I haven't been on a date in years.
Clearly I don't get it. I see know happy couples but there happiness eludes me. I understand that people are metting and dating all the time but I cannot achieve this seemingly simple thing - getting a date. I guess there's at least one single woman around my age that would be interested in dating me but i don't know where she is and I don't know how to find her.
I don't have low self-esteem, I just don't think most women are interested in the kind of guy I am.
I know - be positive - I know. But this dating online thing doesn't help. It makes me feel worse because all it is for me is rejection. I feel better when I stay home alone and pretend the world outside doesn't exist.
The fact that you say you are desperate and lonely to us, I'm going to guess that you say this or convey that on your dates. Women do not like desperate and lonely men.

You say happiness eludes you, yet you say you don't have low self-esteem. Sorry, but my guess is that you really do have low self-esteem. You also say that you don't get it. Well, women like confident, happy men. Everything in your post seems to show that you are the exact opposite.

I would reccomend that you see a therapist. You sound like you have some issues that need to be worked out.
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #7  September 1,2009, 11:00pm
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Hey boccabum,

Erich lives in Washington state, not DC. He's in Arlington, actually that is quite close to me, I'm in Woodinville.

That being said, your advice is right on. Learn to be comfortable in a variety of social settings. Get yourself some guy friends, married or unmarried. Then go do stuff with them, and watch them and learn how to act in social situations.

Get involved in activities. Are you religious at all? Join a local church. Do you like to sing? Join the choir! It's really fun! Or join the church bowling league. Or the church singles group!

Not religious? Join a social club. Get a hobby like bird watching or sailing or hiking or stamp collecting... whatever! Just start a hobby and then join a club that meets around that. You'll meet some really interesting people.

OK and I know a lot of people don't like to do this, but go to stuff alone! I go to movies by myself all the time. At first I felt awkward but now I don't. If I really want to see a movie, and none of my friends are up for it, then I go. I go to the art museum alone. I prefer it, in fact. I can look at what I want to look at and go on my time frame.

So why is that important? Because the more things you do, the more interesting of a person you will become! If you come home and watch TV every night or work on your website, you won't have anything interesting to talk about! But if you can say, "Have you seen the Wyeth exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum? "Braids" is even more astonishing in person!" Well that makes you interesting!

Take a class at your local community college! They have adult community classes that aren't for credit, they're just for fun! Always wanted to learn Spanish? Or French Cooking? Do it!!

Your defeatist attitude is not helping you at all. Oregon coast guy is right. Women are not attracted to men who think they are losers. Get some therapy! Hey it's the Pacific Northwest, we're all in therapy here! LOL

I myself am a happy, confident, active person and if I never find another LTR, I will be okay. You know why? Because I have tons of friends, I am always doing something, I have a lot of interests, and most of all, I like myself.

That's the key. :-) Good luck to you!
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #8  September 1,2009, 11:01pm
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boccabum, I stand corrected. It IS DC, not Washington state! My bad. :-)
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #9  September 1,2009, 11:01pm
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boccabum, I stand corrected. It IS DC, not Washington state! My bad. :-)
 
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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #10  September 1,2009, 11:29pm
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I have had no luck with eH, actually more luck on the free dating sites.

I've had a lot of emails from girls looking for one night/weekend things with me, but I had to decline. I thought eH would be a good place to find nice girls, but I laughed after the first few weeks of finding inactive / fake profiles and the useless match system.

I will share a secret with you - go out and volunteer... and get a gym membership.

People can type all they want, but I'll just pretend you are pretty confident. So just join the gym, get in the aerobics classes and hit on the girls. Working out also helps with confidence, two birds with one stone.

I know guys who just volunteer to meet girls, but even if you go through the motions, you'll probably enjoy helping out the kids, animals or homeless.

I laugh pretty hard when I see a bunch of these guys just sign up to volunteer for a day and when they don't see any girls they just disappear. But there are a lot of nice girls here, just none that are my type. I'm too superficial.

Good luck!
 
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