sex question. Male insight plz!


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umbrella is offline umbrella Post #1  August 29,2009, 11:02am
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Could someone plz offer some insight to the following?

My b/f didn't tell me that he has ed until after we've had sex for 4 mos. I noticed things were a little off but not sure since he's the first guy I've ever had intercourse with. I loved him and agreed to work with him. When I try to talk to him or have him explain his condition to me so that I have a better understanding of it, he always brushed me off and got impatient (male ego?)

He asked for oral sex and seems to enjoy it. But he tells me that he doesn't like given it even with dental dam (I had a big fight w/ him over this). Foreplay has been very short b/c he claims he loses hardness when it takes too long. BUT how come the intercourse itself lasts up to 30 minutes? and he never cum?

Could someone PLZ shed some light as to why he told me that he is able to cum when masturbating but not able to cum when he is w/ me? I questioned does he not get turned on by me. He told me that he loves me and desires me when he sees me.

Thanks for any input.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 29,2009, 2:07pm
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First off, I'm sure he's embarrassed by this and you asking him to talk about it makes it worse. It also now puts more mental pressure on him. So don't bring it up. If brings it up, then talk about it.
This sounds medical. So no...it's not you.
It could be anything but most likely it sounds like anti-depression medication. Is he on it or was he ever on it? The medication is known to cause this and some men, even years after being on it, continue to have this type of problem. How old is he? A prostrate enlargement might also cause this.
As for him not wanting to perform on you, the only thing you can do is ask him again AND make sure you're well groomed and hygienic down there. Those two things are enough to make a man that is wary of doing that not want to if it's unpleasant.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #3  August 29,2009, 2:25pm
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Stress can also cause problems in men. I know from my own experience and I was only in late 20's at the time.

He needs to be able to talk about his problems with you. If not it is likely not going to work out.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  August 29,2009, 2:32pm
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Like boccabum said, it sounds medical or caused by medication.

I'm just going to throw this out there, though ...the idea that he can't have an orgasm with you while he can masterbating is possibly a problem with him not getting enough - or any - stimulation during sex. This can be be caused, obviously, by size differences - he's too small and/or you are too big.

But, it also sounds like he's a selfish lover and the two of you aren't sexually compatible in more than a few ways. Don't expect him to change.
 
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NurseNelly is offline NurseNelly Post #5  August 29,2009, 3:38pm
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I have a woman's perspective on this... You said:
But he tells me that he doesn't like given it even with dental dam (I had a big fight w/ him over this).

Could someone PLZ shed some light as to why he told me that he is able to cum when masturbating but not able to cum when he is w/ me? I questioned does he not get turned on by me. He told me that he loves me and desires me when he sees me.

Conspicuously absent is any mention of your pleasure. Does he satisfy you in ways other than oral sex? Would he be this concerned if it were you that didn't have an orgasm?

Umbrella, the hygiene issue is an important one, and I trust that you have thought of that already. If you take anything from my message, I hope it is this: DO NOT, do not, do not assume that there is something wrong with you!!

That he did not tell you about it and doesn't want to talk about it with you says to me that it's a longer-standing problem. Why not ask him if it's happened with other partners?

There are a few medical and a bunch of psychological conditions that can cause this. If he can get an erection without medication, it's not strictly erectile dysfunction, but is a sexual dysfunction. Some nerve injuries or surgeries in the pelvis can cause retrograde ejaculation - the man feels the orgasm, but the seminal fluid goes into the bladder rather than out the penis. But the sensation is still there, and you would know if he had an orgasm.

No matter the cause, if after 4 months it makes you question your desirability and damage your self-confidence, it is probably not a healthy relationship for you. It takes a huge amount of patience, love, and committment to deal with this kind of problem, and it doesn't always work out.

And here's another consideration - despite the fact that being gay is much more widely accepted now, most of us don't realize how many gay and lesbian people live in heterosexual marriages due to social stigma and fear of criticism from family, business associates, etc. It's sad, but true.

You have some decisions to make, umbrella. If he will talk to you about this or seek counseling, perhaps your relationship will have a chance. If not, consider moving on.

Whatever you choose, be true to yourself.
 
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umbrella is offline umbrella Post #6  August 29,2009, 4:51pm
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First of all, I appreciate all for your inputs.

He'd gone to the docs and the only thing he is willing to share with me is that there's a lack of an enzyme or sth like that and cialis helps. Not on antidepressant or other known medical causes.

He told me is the female taste/smell in general, the same w/ his ex g/f. Could it be sexuality issue? Does it happen to any of you (straight) that you are not able to cum by bj, hj, or intercourse except your own hand?
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #7  August 29,2009, 6:24pm
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Let me get this straight...He has ED and performance issues, has the nerve to request oral sex, but won't return the favor, and tells you you're less stimulating than his hand ?

You're not compatible now, and you never will be. Stop wasting your time.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  August 29,2009, 9:19pm
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First, he is a terribly selfish lover if he wants a bj but won't reciprocate. That alone should be a deal breaker. So females have a taste & smell? Well so do males. That's no excuse.

I had a boyfriend who preferred to "end" by his own hand, no matter how many different activities we'd tried and no matter how long it lasted. I concluded two things: (1) he felt it was 'safer' as far as birth control was concerned, even though I was on the pill, and (2) he'd spent too much time doing it 'his' way and after all that time it was the only way he could come.

The man had a lot of other hang ups, too, but that would be a different discussion....
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #9  August 30,2009, 8:14pm
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If smell/taste is a problem, you might try using flavored lube...
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #10  August 31,2009, 8:43am

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How does one have sex with a man for 4 months and not realize he has ed?

Thats sort of like saying that one goes swimming every day and never realized that water is wet..
 
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