lkean8 is offline lkean8 Post #1  August 27,2009, 9:40pm
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I want to move a 2 year relationship to the next stage (cohabitation, marriage). He won't even discuss it. There are some practical issues, but we are not even on the same page. Should I end the relationship knowin we'll never get married (What I ultimately want)?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  August 28,2009, 8:30pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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lkean8 wrote :
I want to move a 2 year relationship to the next stage (cohabitation, marriage). He won't even discuss it. There are some practical issues, but we are not even on the same page. Should I end the relationship knowin we'll never get married (What I ultimately want)?
If marriage is what you want, and you know that the two of you will never get married, then I think you already know the answer to your question....
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  August 28,2009, 9:06pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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lkean8 wrote :
I want to move a 2 year relationship to the next stage (cohabitation, marriage). He won't even discuss it. There are some practical issues, but we are not even on the same page. Should I end the relationship knowin we'll never get married (What I ultimately want)?
I was just in another thread, same thing, except hers was 15 years!

Between marriages, I was dating my second husband. I knew from the get-go I wanted him. After 2-3 months he wanted us to be exclusive. I told him I intended to remarry, and that I would give him one year. If he wasn't there in a year, I would end it. Within the year, we married.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 29,2009, 7:57am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
I was just in another thread, same thing, except hers was 15 years!

Between marriages, I was dating my second husband. I knew from the get-go I wanted him. After 2-3 months he wanted us to be exclusive. I told him I intended to remarry, and that I would give him one year. If he wasn't there in a year, I would end it. Within the year, we married.
Good strategy - an ultimatum. Are you still married to him?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  August 29,2009, 8:05am
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lkean8 wrote :
I want to move a 2 year relationship to the next stage (cohabitation, marriage). He won't even discuss it. There are some practical issues, but we are not even on the same page. Should I end the relationship knowin we'll never get married (What I ultimately want)?
Of course you should end the relationship! Why continue it? You aren't going to change your mind and be happy un-married, right?
And to try to convince him or give him an ultimatum will have 1 or 2 outcomes.

1. He gives into the ultimatum and you get married. But you marry KNOWING the only reason he did it was out of fear for loosing you. IMO a crappy reason to get married.

2. He calls you on your ultimatum and leaves.

Either way, you don't get what you want.

There's a 3rd option which is to drop your need to get married if you and this guy are perfectly happy and you want to be with THIS PARTICULAR GUY for who he is and not for what status (married) box he allows you to check off on the gov't census.

PS: I suspect that next time you'll find out about a man's thoughts on marriage or cohabitation before you date him for two years? I mean, that's a pretty big matza ball of missing information!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  August 29,2009, 10:23am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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"Should I walk away?"

If you have to ask, then the answer is probably 'yes'.
 
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cjbabyboom is offline cjbabyboom Post #7  August 29,2009, 10:27am
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I really think that two people know within a year if a relationship is going to move on to the next step. Whether actually making plans of what that will look like - but certainly at least talking about it. If he doesn't even want to talk about it - then that may be your answer. If he knows what your heart's desire is and he won't entertain a conversation about it .....then maybe you shouldn't and move on.

We all know at a deep level the answer to the questions we ask of our friends, family and others....sometimes the answer is not sitting well in our heart and we don't want to face what we need to do.

I also hear a lot of people say that they are invested or they have put X amount of years into a relationship and it still isn't going anywhere. Recognizing that it may not move forward is the first step!

I would much rather be single and happy than with someone and miserable.

Good luck
 
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dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #8  August 29,2009, 10:42am
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brneyedangel wrote :
If marriage is what you want, and you know that the two of you will never get married, then I think you already know the answer to your question....
.....I agree with brneyedangel.....

I wish you well.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  August 29,2009, 11:11am
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boccabum wrote :
Good strategy - an ultimatum. Are you still married to him?
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

Unfortunately, he died last year. But he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I had the 15 happiest years of my life with him. I'm grateful I had it at all.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #10  August 29,2009, 1:42pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

Unfortunately, he died last year. But he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I had the 15 happiest years of my life with him. I'm grateful I had it at all.
Maybe just a tiny-insy bit of sarcasm. But I actually did want to know.
Perhaps he would have asked you to marry him anyway. I suspect this was either a long time ago or he was from a different generation. Which, the paradigm for men was to get married and start a family. No other reality. Since there is no stigma any more to get married, many men opt out of it for various reasons. So they serial date and get into serial monogamous but temporary relationships.
Many women on the other hand, still have a negative stigma attached to being single. So when you forced the hand of your future husband, he called and you won the bet. Of course he was bluffing.
Today's men hold more wildcards in their hand and marriage is simply one of them.
 
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