hulas35851 is offline hulas35851 Post #1  August 25,2009, 11:44am
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Ok, I really need some help with this.

Backstory: A friend sort of set me up on a blind date (a group outing to a movie type of thing). It didn't go so well, the guy she introduced me to and I didn't really talk at all that night. Week later, she gives him my number, and he calls to ask me out for a drink. I say yes, we meet up at a local sports bar, and I actually had a really good time. He hinted about a 2nd date and told me to call him when I was ready. Only problem is that he smokes and I don't. He was upfront about it, but I didn't ask for details as far as how regularly he smokes.

I need some outside opinion on this. I wasn't expecting Mr. Perfect or anything. I did have a really good time and would like to see him again. But smoking is one of those things that I don't really care for. So do I go with the flow, see how things go and maybe down the road see if he's willing to quit? Or, should I not even expect something like that happening?

Any advice is appreciated.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 25,2009, 5:16pm
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Please...please please never ever ever ever date a guy and expect him to change some type of life choice behavior (like smoking) because of YOU. This is the time-honored tradition women have. Thinking their greatness and love will change a man from imperfect to perfect. If you want frustration, smelly clothes, and stinky kisses, then date this guy.
Personally, it's a deal breaker for me. A woman who smokes might as well have chronic flatulence.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #3  August 25,2009, 5:40pm
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I don't smoke. However, I dated a smoker for 4+ years. I liked him enough to put his habit aside. Kissing him though...blech!

I wouldn't date a smoker again for a host of reasons. But if your friendship blossoms into something more romantic, it's something you'll have to deal with or ditch the guy.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #4  August 25,2009, 5:41pm
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boccabum wrote :
Please...please please never ever ever ever date a guy and expect him to change some type of life choice behavior (like smoking) because of YOU. This is the time-honored tradition women have. Thinking their greatness and love will change a man from imperfect to perfect. If you want frustration, smelly clothes, and stinky kisses, then date this guy.
Personally, it's a deal breaker for me. A woman who smokes might as well have chronic flatulence.
I agree! That is a major problem we have - trying to change someone. You, me, none of us can do that. We can try but will probably just end up frustrated. And frankly if I were a smoker I would be offended if someone tried to get me to stop. I would stop, or not - only if I wanted to. I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke so that would be a deal breaker for me. Yuck. And when someone is a heavy smoker that smell never, ever gets out of their hair, clothing, car, yuck!
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  August 25,2009, 8:54pm
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boccabum wrote :
Please...please please never ever ever ever date a guy and expect him to change some type of life choice behavior (like smoking) because of YOU. This is the time-honored tradition women have. Thinking their greatness and love will change a man from imperfect to perfect. If you want frustration, smelly clothes, and stinky kisses, then date this guy.
Personally, it's a deal breaker for me. A woman who smokes might as well have chronic flatulence.
Gotta agree with Boccabum on this one. Women are always going into relationships thinking they will change 'just that one thing' about the man and it NEVER works. (Ask my ex-husband!)

Personally, smoking is a deal breaker for me. I love to kiss, but I want to kiss a man--not an ashtray!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is online now Wonderwoman402 Post #6  August 25,2009, 10:10pm
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It's a dealbreaker. Move on.
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #7  August 25,2009, 10:48pm
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Maybe I'm just the odd one out but I don't try to change the guy I'm with. Guys have tried to change ME and that was stressful but I am really picky about who I date. I'm not perfect either, don't get me wrong, but I take the guy as he is and also know from experience that the behaviors that annoy you only MAGNIFY a thousand fold once you get married so if you can't stand it now, it isn't going to get any better.

I dated this one guy who told me he didn't smoke. Well I picked him up for a date (he didn't have a car at the time) and kissed him and it was FOUL! Ugh! So awful! I proceeded to chew him out there and then and that if he ever even just wanted to light up once in awhile (like he claimed) then he had better scrub himself and his mouth before seeing me; otherwise, forget it. Found out cigarette smoke was the least of the problems, he was mainlining heroin and I dumped him there and then. Told him at the beginning that if he went back to those habits, I would break it off. He accused me of being 'a rat leaving a sinking ship' and I said call it what you want but this is not a part of my lifestyle and will not be in the future. Instead I marry a closet alcoholic... go figure.

But to the topic at hand, if not for yourself, think of any future children you might have with this man and the propensity for upper respiratory diseases. Worked with a woman whose husband is a chain smoker and BOTH of their children had severe asthma and upper respiratory problems but the father still continued to smoke in the house!
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #8  August 25,2009, 10:49pm
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What's a deal breaker for some, might not be a deal breaker for you. Do you like to kiss? Does bad breath and discolored teeth bother you? How is your sense of smell and taste? Does he only smoke when he drinks? Does he drink everyday? I could go on...but I think you have the point.

See if he's willing to quit down the road though? Seriously, unless you are the co-dependent type...Do not go into a relationship with the attempts of changing someone.
 
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MAC96 is offline MAC96 Post #9  August 25,2009, 11:35pm
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Oh go for it. if you can't stand the smell of smoke just wear a mask. Just remember second hand smoke can killl.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  August 26,2009, 1:53am
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I'd say it's a dealbreaker, but it's really up to you.
 
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