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srmbsrvt srmbsrvt is offline
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Hi, I'm sorta new to this eharmony thing. I have had several matches. Many of which i would love to be communicating with. I've been proactive in sending out my questions, but it seems that no one is replying. What should I do to increase my reply rates. If they aren't interested, that's fine, but don't leave me hanging!! That's just rude! Anyway, thanks for any thoughts you may give!
- December 19th, 2007, 09:31 pm
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PeskyPixie PeskyPixie is offline
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Hey, Texas (SRMBSRVT is a little wordy). I just started too. No, I have had several 'non' replies. I think it is a matter of weeding through a lot of chaff to get to the grain you are really interested in. Do you really want to bother wasting time on someone who isn't interested anyway? I know, I know, how can one page answer that question? But, for some people, they make snap judgments. (Hey, I've done it too.) Read the message board posts, I've found one that indicated it can take up to 6 months to make a connection that you are interested in. Good luck to you and me both!
- December 20th, 2007, 06:59 pm
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Energizerbunny Energizerbunny is offline
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I too am relatively new at this - never tried online match-making before. I struggle with sending first questions when that person says so very little in their introductory information. I also struggle with not receiving responses to questions I send out. They don't close the communication - you just don't hear anything. I'm not in a hurry because I want to find the right person (for both of us), but I feel a little sad when they don't respond and then don't even have the common courtesy to close communication. (I'd get the point, really I would!)
- December 31st, 2007, 12:22 pm
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sunshine4227 sunshine4227 is offline
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Being fairly new to eHarmony, I tended to wait until the man initiated communication. The fear of rejection was there. Now, if I'm presented with a possible match who peaks my interest, I send off the first set of questions. If the match responds, great! If not, after a week I close the match for failure to communicate. I agree with energizerbunny, a simple thanks but no thanks goes along way in being considerate. I've also wondered if those "trying the site out free" are allowed to communicate back. Anyone out there know the answer to this one?
- January 1st, 2008, 11:33 am
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ekmf ekmf is offline
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During the initial communication phase a non-repsonse is an almost certain indication that the person is not a paying member and therefore cannot respond. If they are a paying member, but not at all interested in you they will close you without hesitation.

Additionally, incomplete introductory info is also a near certain indication of a non-subscriber. Some people balk at the expense. Others might join in a month or two, and then finish their profile at that time. I don't close these out - I bank them because they may have potential. Keep an eye open for profile updates.

The real rudeness occurs after you've established communication, and then the person disappears without notice. These are the matches that should be closed after two weeks of inactivity. Best of luck...
- January 1st, 2008, 05:28 pm
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Energizerbunny Energizerbunny is offline
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How can you tell when someone updates a profile? Do you receive an email or is there somewhere that you should be looking? Thanks, EB
- January 2nd, 2008, 09:05 am
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beloved0000 beloved0000 is offline
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I don't think EH contacts you when a match updates their profile. I think you just need to be checking back peiodically. I'm not quite as forgiving as EKMF tho...I close all matches that don't respond within 2 weeks. I give them 1 nudge and then another week. If no response, I close, 2 weeks total. Same with any level of communication. I have this quirk in my personality. I wanna be somebody's priority. I don't think anyone who joins an online dating service that cruises past my pic and profile is making me a priority. I don't wanna be somebody's 2nd choice. Maybe I'm being too vane in saying this, but that's the way I think. I've tried keeping those matches that don't communicate, some for up to 3 months if I thought they would be a great match. Of course, this was before EH added the "nudge." But none ever wanted to talk to me. Heavy sigh. If they only knew...
- January 2nd, 2008, 08:00 pm
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yespeggy yespeggy is offline
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hi energizer, updates are listed on your home page. You do not receive an email for updates og closeurs.
I've been on eh about 2 years and didn't realize the non-response could be due to a nonpaying member. As paying members we should be alerted to who is not a paying member, since they can not answer.

My first match initiated our meeting and we dated about 2 months. That didn't work out. I was very hesitant about initiating the communication after this, but now I read through each profile and initiate if I feel there could be a good connection. The weird thing is I end up going out with the guys that initiate and closing the ones I initiate. I am meeting a guy on Sunday who did initiate, but only right before I was going to! Ya never know who it could be God has prepared for you! Good luck to us all and Happy New Year!
- January 3rd, 2008, 12:54 am
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marthak marthak is offline
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Go easy on non-paying members. They come in two varieties:
1) The person that wants to quit eHarmony but doesn't do it correctly...doesn't shut off matching, doesn't close their account, doesn't close matches...they just stop coming to the site.

2) There is also the person who has been on eHarmony for an extended period of time, is serious about their search, but is taking a break for various reasons be they time or money. (Currently eHarmony allows you to pause your matches, but your subscription keeps ticking...going non-pay is the only way around that.) They may open matching during the free communication weekends, see if they receive communication from interested matches, and will join up again to talk to matches they are interested in. Monitor the free weekends and membership promotions and have a little patience. Close them....errr "us" if you have to, but try setting them aside for a while first. If the match isn't worth that little bit of patience to you, why are you pursuing communication?
- January 3rd, 2008, 07:50 am
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carolina girl carolina girl is offline
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I've come to realize that what marthak and ekmf are saying about people who don't respond is probably true - they are no longer members or only signed up on a free communication weekend. I think I get a lot of those matches! But since I decided to stop initiating communication, it's hard for me to tell how many are genuine and how many are bogus. I only respond now if the match initiates, as the ones I initiated never seemed to maintain interest and I only got my hopes up for no reason. For me, I have decided it is best to wait and see who is interested. If no one is interested, well, I've lived alone for a long time and being alone a while longer is okay, too. What kills me is those guys who ask for a picture then close the match for reasons such as "too far away" or "pursuing another relationship". Presumably, they didn't move or suddenly get into a committed relationship in between their request for a picture and my response!!
- January 3rd, 2008, 05:01 pm
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