so hurt!!! I just don't understand what happened


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #21  August 24,2009, 4:43pm
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outdoorjeanie wrote :
Been there where you are. Dated a man that was extremely exciting to be with from the moment we met. One of the best dates I've ever been on was with him. We saw each other every other day for about a month and a half, and then one day I got a text message from him saying that he wasn't coming over that evening because he wasn't "sure about this" and "sorry for the drama". Naturally I was hurt, and no we didn't sleep together or anything like that. ( that would have made it far worse for me.) Thinking back it was like running into a supernova. Shines brightly for awhile and burns itself out. From that point on I paced myself and any dating partner to prevent the "supernova phenomenon." !-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } -->
this

most women give in to every request to see them that a new and exciting dating partner will make when she really needs to limit it.
 
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logicalmind is offline logicalmind Post #22  August 24,2009, 5:28pm
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flowerchild66 said it perfectly!!! I would read her words of advise to you a dozen times because she nailed it on the head!
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #23  August 24,2009, 6:31pm
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Hi.

I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is very stressful indeed.

This kind of thing happens a lot. Many times it's too much, too soon and the man either gets cold feet or spooked.

Don't blame yourself BUT I would give him his space. Contacting him in anyway would not beneficial for you...it could easily annoy him when he is trying to figure things out. Give him space and just wait and go on with your life. If he comes back to you, he might be ready to start a relationship...if not, it's because for whatever reason he felt it wasn't "Right".

If you are not exclusive...then I would be open to date others. Go on with your life, pursue your hobbies, do things that bring you joy and really try to forget about him for now. Give it 8 weeks, if he doesn't come to you by then, it's probably over.

This happens a lot. Maybe what you could do in the future is more of a slow burn...so the relationship progresses at a more comfortable pace.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #24  August 25,2009, 9:41am
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flowerchild66 wrote :
Oh, and it's DEFINITELY not you...it's all him. Guys who are so hyper-passionate in the beginning before they know the real you are usually sprinters, not marathoners in the relationship game. They live in fantasy land.
This is great advice! Very well said, flowerchild66!
 
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MAC96 is offline MAC96 Post #25  August 25,2009, 10:39pm
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There's a saying: It takes a real man to be a father. it also takes a real man to date a woman with kids.The fact that your children were not there made it easy for this man to throw the charm and bs out to you.When you do find another person in your life, have your kids around. kids are a true test of a new relationship.Good Luck!
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #26  August 26,2009, 1:58am
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There's some great advice in Steve Harvey's book about the type of men who date single moms, and when to introduce the kids, and so forth.
 
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nicegirl777 is offline nicegirl777 Post #27  August 26,2009, 10:39am
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I'm so sorry this happened to you. You got good advice on the board. Sometimes we don't see it coming, we trust. You have to go on and keep on. Good things will come.
 
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BriteEyze is offline BriteEyze Post #28  August 26,2009, 9:17pm
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I would not call him. He knows how you feel. If he wants you, he'll come and get you. Also, I am suspicious of being told that someone was "cheated on"--there are two sides to every story. The last date I had when the man said his wife cheated on him , I asked what he had done to provoke that type of betrayal. His response was very revealing--and I began to think HE was the cheater. For a lot of reasons that you mention, he does not sound ready for the type of relationship you want to have. Nothing can speed that along.
 
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baileyandwoof is offline baileyandwoof Post #29  September 15,2009, 9:17pm
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I disagree with the responses that blame his behavior on his divorce and his rebound status. You describe several of the red flags of very concerning behavior - you were immediately "mutually attracted", would not go more than "2 days without seeing each other", constant, repeated communication, etc. There is a part in us all that longs for that connection with another, but when a suitor becomes this involved, available and persistent, rather than accept this as a sign of his interest in you as a person, run like hell the other way. Is this behavior really normal for anyone over the age of 14? As you unfortunately experienced, this intense devotion can easily, and quite suddenly, turn the other way, leaving you, as you are, asking what you did wrong. Consider yourself fortunate that you did not waste any more time and cross him off your list. Do not call, write, etc. You don't owe him anything, and what he would offer would not give you any resolution. Instead, be observant for this type of behavior in any future suitors and listen to your gut about it being too much, too soon.
 
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