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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is online now
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BikerBeagle is, and always will be, a work in progress.

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You were his rebound. He used you - although maybe not intentionally, denial is a very powerful force in the rebounder's world.

Let this one go.
- August 24th, 2009, 05:09 am
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flowerchild66 flowerchild66 is offline
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slp421 wrote :
Hi,
I am a 46 year old woman, divorced with 2 children, ages 9 and 11. Every year during the summer my children visit their father and grandparents for 6 weeks. We live 12 hours apart. I meant a wonderful man at that time on an online dating service!!! He is very recently divorced with no children. His wife cheated on him and he has no children. We hit it off the first night we meant, very mutually attracted. From that night on we never went more than 2 days without getting together. He called and texted everyday. He took me to movies, dinner, and cooked meals for me at his home. We had incredible conversations and talked about everything and anything. He even surprised me by taking me to a 5 star restaurant to celebrate a new job that i had just recently taken. I cooked him a beautiful dinner the night before my children came home (the perfect date!!!) He sent me flowers the next day with a note thanking me for the wonderful dinner, that the night was great, but i was perfect. Then, I started to not hear from him. He called one day to say that he wondered if i noticed if he was being distant. Of course, I noticed. He went on to say it was too much, too soon and that he didn't know if he was ready for a relationship.
I agree with BikerBeagle. Let this one go. He had his summer fling with you as long as your kids were out of the picture, but as soon as they returned, he withdrew. His discomfort was such that because you didn't acknowledge his withdrawal, he brought it to your attention and put it on the table for discussion.

Yes he knew that you were a mother, but as your kids were temporarily out of the picture...well you know out of sight, out of mind. The prospect of interacting with the package deal was too much for him, especially as he has no kids of his own.

Closure is overrated, and often the motive is moreso to convince the other party to return, even if their relationship status is downgraded. The need for closure is often the need to have your partner validate you in some manner. Consider that you've had your closure when he said he didn't want a relationship. He doesn't need to hear how he broke your heart and led you on. Trust me, he knows. Contacting him won't change anything. Perhaps he will throw you a few crumbs where he once gave you the entire cake. You're better than that.

Don't give him the satisfaction OP of prostrating yourself, baring your soul, pleading your case, telling him off, etc. You're really raw right now, and you need triage. Silence from your end is the best medicine. Reflect on why you want a man who no longer wants to be with you, a man who selfishly timed his departure in a manner that would leave you an emotional wreck when you and your children were supposed to enjoy the last few weeks of summer.
- August 24th, 2009, 05:58 am
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flowerchild66 flowerchild66 is offline
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Oh, and it's DEFINITELY not you...it's all him. Guys who are so hyper-passionate in the beginning before they know the real you are usually sprinters, not marathoners in the relationship game. They live in fantasy land.
- August 24th, 2009, 06:04 am
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BLESS77 BLESS77 is offline
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BLESS77 I am soooooo ready for some FOOTBALL!!!

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Hmmm it seems like he doesn't want to deal with your children. Especially because they are so young and would still need to be cared for and planned around. I'm assuming that he is around your age and the fact that he has no children is a big factor. He's been without them so long he doesn't know how to deal with it. That by no means is a reflection of you or really him for that matter. It's better that he realized it would be too much for him to handle now, rather than later.

I too, see no need to contact him. What else is there to say to him? Cherish the time ya'll had together, how he made you feel and use it to make yourself smile every now and then.
- August 24th, 2009, 09:26 am
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Sierrad Sierrad is offline
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flowerchild66 wrote :
Oh, and it's DEFINITELY not you...it's all him. Guys who are so hyper-passionate in the beginning before they know the real you are usually sprinters, not marathoners in the relationship game. They live in fantasy land.
I agree! For me, the guys behaviour would have been warning signs, it was too romantic, too soon, and not the reality of your life without your kids around. I would not have believed it if he had behaved like that with me so soon.
How to cope? Get closure by talking to him if thats what you need, but I agree with the other person about not prostrating yourself and baring your soul when you do talk to him. If you picked up the online dating like before you may get distracted by another man, distraction would be a good thing now for you.
- August 24th, 2009, 09:26 am
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p_babe p_babe is offline
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You got humped and dumped ma'am.
- August 24th, 2009, 10:46 am
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legend29 legend29 is offline
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legend29 is looking for a loophole....

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p_babe wrote :
You got humped and dumped ma'am.
Oh dang....I read all of the thoughtful advice and got to your post.

Could you have been any more blunt? ....Ouch!

Not being judgemental...I'm just sayin'....
- August 24th, 2009, 11:01 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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p_babe wrote :
You got humped and dumped ma'am.
they had sex? i didnt assume that, but i suppose i should have. it would alter my response a bit.
- August 24th, 2009, 12:26 pm
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slp421 slp421 is offline
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wow!!! Humped and dumped. I feel so much better!!! assuming we slept together, what would u say different
- August 24th, 2009, 12:44 pm
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outdoorjeanie outdoorjeanie is offline
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Been there where you are. Dated a man that was extremely exciting to be with from the moment we met. One of the best dates I've ever been on was with him. We saw each other every other day for about a month and a half, and then one day I got a text message from him saying that he wasn't coming over that evening because he wasn't "sure about this" and "sorry for the drama". Naturally I was hurt, and no we didn't sleep together or anything like that. ( that would have made it far worse for me.) Thinking back it was like running into a supernova. Shines brightly for awhile and burns itself out. From that point on I paced myself and any dating partner to prevent the "supernova phenomenon."
- August 24th, 2009, 05:29 pm
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