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Bearwolf102 Bearwolf102 is offline
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Bearwolf102 Loveing life

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So here is an update.

I have started looking again at the advice of family and friends. I have started communication with a few girls who seem interesting and more over interested.

Funny thing is all of a sudden girl A. comes over last night and we have a great date. She even cooked part of the meal. (a first and cooking is really not her thing) She had clearly worked hard on it and made way too much (lol thank goodness it came out really well) now I have enough “side” to feed an army for a month! We talked about a lot and things. I would say things are good but I still have many concerns that need to be addressed if this is going to work long term. She is going away this weekend to Tulsa to see friends. She said when she comes back she wants me to come over for dinner at her place (a first for both). So I will wait and see.

I am going to try to remain objective and continue to look at other options. If we get to a better place along the way and the communication and other issues get resolved awesome. But if not I will not be left licking my wounds in a corner somewhere. Until she shows that she wants to be committed and can give as well as receive affection I need to keep my eyes open.

Thoughts,
Bearwolf102
- August 20th, 2009, 10:20 am
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Ms666 Ms666 is offline
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I'm glad you are trying to stay objective. It sounds to me like this girl really doesn't know what she wants from you. She could be trying to be a 'friend' to you. In my experience, it's no fun to be friends with someone you have or had romantic feelings for.
I'd keep up the communication with the other girls in the meantime if I were you.
- August 20th, 2009, 11:35 am
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Bearwolf102 Bearwolf102 is offline
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I agree it is hard to tell and perhaps even she isn't sure. I agree that I should continue to communicate and even meet casualy other girls. If something changes with us great. If I meet someone awsome great.
- August 20th, 2009, 01:20 pm
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Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
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Hey, sorry to hear some issues came along, but they do.... Sounds like there is compatibility, with the cooking together and all, so it seems affection and commitment are the issues?...By "commitment", do mean she is seeing others, does not make time for you?...And the affection thing is clear, while she may want to move slowly, is there a cold fish issue?
Do your friends and family dislike her? Would it mess things up if you went on dates while she was out of town, and she found out?...... Hope it works out for the best..
.
Bearwolf102 wrote :
So here is an update.
I have started looking again at the advice of family and friends. I have started communication with a few girls who seem interesting and more over interested.
Funny thing is all of a sudden girl A. comes over last night and we have a great date. She even cooked part of the meal. (a first and cooking is really not her thing) She had clearly worked hard on it and made way too much (lol thank goodness it came out really well) now I have enough “side” to feed an army for a month! We talked about a lot and things. I would say things are good but I still have many concerns that need to be addressed if this is going to work long term. She is going away this weekend to Tulsa to see friends. She said when she comes back she wants me to come over for dinner at her place (a first for both). So I will wait and see.
I am going to try to remain objective and continue to look at other options. If we get to a better place along the way and the communication and other issues get resolved awesome. But if not I will not be left licking my wounds in a corner somewhere. Until she shows that she wants to be committed and can give as well as receive affection I need to keep my eyes open.
Thoughts,
Bearwolf102
- August 20th, 2009, 02:33 pm
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TiffanyDiamond TiffanyDiamond is offline
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I think you should take things veryyyy slowly with this woman and I would continue to try to meet other people.
- August 20th, 2009, 02:51 pm
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Bearwolf102 Bearwolf102 is offline
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I feel like I am always kept at arm’s length. Heck we have been dating for awhile and there is very little physical in our relationship. The only kiss we have had was me kissing her with no reciprocation. (well boy did I feel like a smuck) She hugs and touches my hand and things but nothing more than that. Part of this is her upbringing her family wasn't touchy feely and part of it is that she has been hurt badly multiple times by other men. If this were the only issue it would not be a big deal I could wait until she felt better about it with no issue.

The problem is this lack of physical interaction is coupled with a lack of communication. I will send her an email or leave her a voice mail and it may be days before I get a response. I know she is busy with her school work normally but she has been off for the last two weeks. She returns to classes full time (more than full time 15 CH) on Monday.

I understand she has a life, we all do. So it’s perfectly fair if she wants to go let’s say to Tulsa for the weekend. (she left yesterday) but I only found out she was going on Wed. She had canceled our date last weekend do to neck pain (but managed to go out with friends all weekend) I am not sure where I stand here.

I guess I am ok being second to her school work. I am ok that she sometimes wants to spend time with her friends instead of spending time with me. But what I don't like and what is becoming a problem is the lack of communication and consideration for how I feel. She doesn’t tell me what she wants she just does. She doesn’t tell me that she is going away she just does. She doesn’t say hey I want to spend time with my friends she tells me she has neck pain and then spends time with her friends and tells me latter. I feel like not only am I not first on her mind. I am not even sure I am on the radar.

When we spend time together it is really fun but it’s more like hanging with a good friend than a romantic relationship. We cooked together on Wed and that was great and there was some really cool things that happened between us that night that reminded me about why I care about her so much.

I don’t know how to approach these issues with her in a way that she will hear them and not run for the hills. I don’t want to ruin a good thing but I have to be honest here. I am looking for a relationship not another friend.

I am going to give it more time but I am concerned.

Bearwolf102
- August 21st, 2009, 07:56 am
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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Bearwolf102 wrote :
I feel like I am always kept at arm’s length. Heck we have been dating for awhile and there is very little physical in our relationship. The only kiss we have had was me kissing her with no reciprocation. (well boy did I feel like a smuck) She hugs and touches my hand and things but nothing more than that. Part of this is her upbringing her family wasn't touchy feely and part of it is that she has been hurt badly multiple times by other men. If this were the only issue it would not be a big deal I could wait until she felt better about it with no issue.

The problem is this lack of physical interaction is coupled with a lack of communication. I will send her an email or leave her a voice mail and it may be days before I get a response. I know she is busy with her school work normally but she has been off for the last two weeks. She returns to classes full time (more than full time 15 CH) on Monday.

I understand she has a life, we all do. So it’s perfectly fair if she wants to go let’s say to Tulsa for the weekend. (she left yesterday) but I only found out she was going on Wed. She had canceled our date last weekend do to neck pain (but managed to go out with friends all weekend) I am not sure where I stand here.

I guess I am ok being second to her school work. I am ok that she sometimes wants to spend time with her friends instead of spending time with me. But what I don't like and what is becoming a problem is the lack of communication and consideration for how I feel. She doesn’t tell me what she wants she just does. She doesn’t tell me that she is going away she just does. She doesn’t say hey I want to spend time with my friends she tells me she has neck pain and then spends time with her friends and tells me latter. I feel like not only am I not first on her mind. I am not even sure I am on the radar.

When we spend time together it is really fun but it’s more like hanging with a good friend than a romantic relationship. We cooked together on Wed and that was great and there was some really cool things that happened between us that night that reminded me about why I care about her so much.

I don’t know how to approach these issues with her in a way that she will hear them and not run for the hills. I don’t want to ruin a good thing but I have to be honest here. I am looking for a relationship not another friend.

I am going to give it more time but I am concerned.

Bearwolf102
Treat her like a love interest and not a friend... or at least that's what I hear people should do to stay out of the friend zone.

Personally, I definitely think this girl doesn't know what she wants, and when anybody says "I don't know what I want", what that really means is "I know what I want, but it's not you".

So, I would say to keep on dating others until this girl either breaks it off with you, or comes around and you become exclusive. Take control of your dating future, don't let others decide for you.
- August 21st, 2009, 09:10 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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Bearwolf102 wrote :
I guess I am ok being second to her school work. I am ok that she sometimes wants to spend time with her friends instead of spending time with me. But what I don't like and what is becoming a problem is the lack of communication and consideration for how I feel. She doesn’t tell me what she wants she just does. She doesn’t tell me that she is going away she just does. She doesn’t say hey I want to spend time with my friends she tells me she has neck pain and then spends time with her friends and tells me latter. I feel like not only am I not first on her mind. I am not even sure I am on the radar.
The general vibe I get is that she definitely doesn't feel the same intensity of attraction that you do and that she is confused on how to mitigate it without hurting your feelings. I think she likes you but you might be coming on too strong emotionally.









- August 21st, 2009, 10:57 am
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