Stewie772 is offline Stewie772 Post #1  August 15,2009, 8:08am
Stewie772's Avatar

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

HI All,

So I got divorced over a year ago (it ended mutually and peacefully) and I'm starting to get back into dating again. Looks like I've got someone interested and I have a feeling we'll go on a date soon (ish). My feeling is that I need to be open and honest about me being divorced (and specifically me having moved on). Saying this early on I feel is the better move rather than holding out and risking her finding out through some other means.

What say you? Tell her even before the first date? Tell her on the first date? Don't tell her early (I don't agree with this one, but I'll listen to the argument for sure).

Thanks!

~Stewie772
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 17,2009, 3:16pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

I'd keep the first date light.... you're meeting mostly to make sure you have chemistry. I would say disclose it sometime within the first 4 dates or so. If she asks before that, tell her. Be brief, but honest. "I'm divorced but it was amicable" type thing.

I don't know what your age is, but over 40 this becomes less of an issue. Most people that are dating beyond 40 have been married once.
 
  Reply With Quote
waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #3  August 17,2009, 3:54pm

Unregistered

Joined: Aug 2009

Texas

Posts: 212

See profile

I think you should tell her in your profile, thus having given her a choice just in case divorce isn't her sort of thing.
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #4  August 17,2009, 3:59pm
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

Tell her sooner vs later. I would think something will come up on a first date that would make it easy to bring up. Often you talk about old relationships, why you moved somewhere, big events in your life.

Are you ashamed of what happened? If so maybe you need to take some time and get okay with it all. I am not proud of the fact that I am divorced but I would never date anyone without disclosing it (and I have kids which I will bring up when a guy shows any sort of interest).

Honesty is something I value greatly. You lie to me (or hide the truth) and it is over.
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  August 17,2009, 4:31pm
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

In this day and age, being divorced is just about as common as anything and nothing to be kept secret or delicately revealed. So I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she asks, tell her the truth at any stage. Even first date. It's about as uncomplicated a question to answer as what you do for a living (unless you're a career criminal).
 
  Reply With Quote
MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #6  August 17,2009, 4:41pm
MCMLXXII's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

...in the Bible-belt.

Posts: 252

See profile

Hey Stewie: You can tell her now or save the information for one of your initial dates...but I wouldn't dwell on it. Otherwise, you look like a man who hasn't gotten over his ex-wife and that would be my cue to exit.

Save the details for later in the relationship or if she asks. Focus on getting to know your new friend now.

Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
tirhod is offline tirhod Post #7  August 17,2009, 6:13pm
tirhod's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Indiana

Posts: 33

See profile

I asked basically the same question earlier this month. Since then, I've taken to telling people early into open communication (as early as the second message, though never the first). This seems to work well as long as you realize that not everyone will be interested in you if they find out your divorced.
 
  Reply With Quote
DLance is offline DLance Post #8  August 18,2009, 8:09pm
DLance's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Indianapolis

Posts: 31

See profile

The last time a date brought up her divorce or mine. I left money on the table, paid for the dinner and left.

If you cannot get beyond the divorce, you need to go back to the guy. Only date when you cannot speak their name, and if it should every come up. Be nice to your kids....say only good things. You took the guys money, had his kids, and lived with him. So get over it. Neither of you were good to your children; otherwise you would never have gotten divorced. You abused your kids for their lives and their childrens. So grow up.
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #9  August 18,2009, 8:31pm
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

DLance wrote :
The last time a date brought up her divorce or mine. I left money on the table, paid for the dinner and left.

If you cannot get beyond the divorce, you need to go back to the guy. Only date when you cannot speak their name, and if it should every come up. Be nice to your kids....say only good things. You took the guys money, had his kids, and lived with him. So get over it. Neither of you were good to your children; otherwise you would never have gotten divorced. You abused your kids for their lives and their childrens. So grow up.
huh?
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #10  August 18,2009, 9:17pm
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

I would just expect this to be covered when you're exchanging your basic demographic info. If you haven't volunteered the info already, your match will most like ask if you've been married before (at which point you will, of course, tell her). It certainly doesn't sound like you have anything to hide regarding your divorce...

If she is someone to whom this info is very important, you can assume that she will screen for it early; it's not up to you to try to plan for every contingency regarding when it's most appropriate to inform every individual match...
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Too Hesitant | Ask a Dating Expert | where to start? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
did God allow us to divorce febee Christian Singles 117 August 10,2009 11:54am
Conservative and Liberals Divorce Agreement shellyg Politics 10 August 6,2009 12:04pm
Chemistry, Compatibility... and Divorce last12C Relationships 221 July 19,2009 2:22pm
Will you date a woman whose divorce is not final? JDavid A Man's Point of view 3 June 8,2009 6:23am
Thinking about divorce..... Blossomed76 Relationships 12 June 2,2009 1:34am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I always wanted to be some exotic avatar, sounds promising. ” –  Jenky

Join the “My Virtual Relationship or The five day first date” discussion

“I'd give him another text proposing a "date" and if no sensible response or no response at all..... give up!” –  SteveManchesterEngland

Join the “Girl asking guy for date #4, I think I blew it” discussion

“I am so sorry. That must be very frustrating for you. Is he gifted?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“ This...” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“ You poor thing! Were you bad? Here's the ad. Want your hair blown back? Trojan Vibrations Commercial Neighbors - YouTube Tweet ... This is the one, though now you did make me have to watch all ... ” –  Buck

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“he made his "assessment" out of choice.here's the difference... you're taking it seriously..... he's playing it as a game.As someone who has been where you're at, my advice is have some self respect ... ” –  SteveManchesterEngland

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“"I'll be back" ...and be winning!!” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“hoo boy, I found a new one. This particular person put in their profile "Thank God for my beautiful face." Now if it was just mentioned once somewhere, well no big deal.... but it was mentioned in ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “RED flags for men” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:49am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0