How do I proceed when he says he's in recovery


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Dalyahrose is offline Dalyahrose Post #1  August 13,2009, 2:47pm
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is happy.

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I am communicating with a man who says he has less than 2 years clean. Opps, he seems nice but how can I tell if he'll stay clean? What if he sleps after we've been together for a while? What if commitment and marriage through him off the deep end? Are there any signs to look for that this could be safe?
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  August 13,2009, 6:20pm
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"I am communicating with a man"

So you have never met?

I would ask him what his sponsor says about him having a relationship. Initially at least people in recovery are NOT supposed to be dating people.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  August 14,2009, 12:39am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Clean from what? would be my first question.
I know a little about addictions, so that would tell me something about probability of relapse.

Regardless of probabilities, an addict is always an addict, so there is always a risk involved and you need to be vigilant.

But if you like the guy, I would still go out with him. Almost 2 years is a long time to be clean of any substance, so I would say that his chances of relapse are quite low now. A lot also depends on the environment in which the addiction was formed and where he is today. It's not an easy subject and there are no answers that apply to one and all. And in addition to that, everybody has different chemistry and physiology, so what works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

That said, you are jumping the gun a little, in my opinion - you have not even met yet and you are contemplating marriage? Meet him first, see if you are even compatible and want to be in a relationship with him at all. If so, find out about his addiction in more detail and do some research, but not self-guided internet research. Approach an organisation that specialises in his type of addiction, most of them will gladly offer you free information, or at least point you to reliable sources.

And also, there are never any guarantees in life. The past is not always an accurate guide to the future - people are not their past, they are a product of lessons learnt (or not learnt) from it. And what's to say that someone who has never had an addiction in the past will not develop one in the future? People can and do get addicted even when in relationships, especially if those relationships are not happy or if they become ill. So, I would not jump to any conclusions there...

Good Luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  August 14,2009, 9:14am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I would run like hell.
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #5  August 14,2009, 11:47am
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Read the post. I am dating a felon-it talks about recovery.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  August 14,2009, 1:11pm
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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RUN FORREST, RUN !!
 
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