peacepositive is offline peacepositive Post #1  August 12,2009, 11:20pm
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Here's the scenario~
Went out on two wonderful and very long dates, each a little over 10 hours with a great guy who I like very much. After meeting on eHarmony, we were amazed at how truly alike and compatible we are. So much so that by the end of the second date, he said he was canceling his eHarmony membership and wanted to date exclusively so we could really concentrate on getting to know each other and said he would now define me as his girlfriend. I agreed that would be fine, although I thought it a bit quick. I currently have no desire to pursue any other relationship We planned a third date for the next day.
That night, he got a phone call saying that a his mother was ill. Naturally we cancelled the date and he went to his mother's side. I would have it no other way and it was indicative of his caring nature (a big plus).
He warned me that he might not be able to talk much over the next few days while he was spending time with his mother. Again, I completely understand that! He told me that he would keep in touch with me via txt and to txt him at anytime. Knowing that he was with family, I have chosen not to txt him other than at the beginning of the day and then before I go to sleep, wishing him either a good day or good rest, etc...something short and upbeat and positive just to let him know I am thinking of him
So, I have gotten one txt each night back but not until very late at night. I have only spoken to him twice in the last few days, of course wishing him and his family the best during this difficult time. Today, nothing at all, except for one txt saying he could not talk tonight.

Now, I will freely admit some of my own baggage coming out here, I was once in a relationship where he would say he would call and then never did so or would send a txt late at night saying he was tired and going to bed.
What I am asking is this.. Is he is just not into me or is it possible that he really just doesn't have the time to call for a short conversation at the end of the day. He says "cannot wait to see you again," "I miss you," "you are rocking my world," etc, but the lack of communication is making me a bit uneasy. Should I worry that he has lost interest already and go out with others or am I really overreacting?
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #2  August 13,2009, 7:28am
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His attention has to focus on his mother and family. You are putting to much into this. If he is at the hospital with his mother-cell phones are to be off at all times. Be patient.
 
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lalawyergal is offline lalawyergal Post #3  August 13,2009, 8:05am
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I would lie low and not text him.......wait for him to text, call, email etc. You really have no way of *actually knowing* that his mother is in a hospital - and certainly even if she was, he could step outside the hospital to make the phone call........

Time will tell - it always does - you should have your answer in the next few days.......

In the meantime, I see no harm in emailing other men, etc, in the event that this man goes "poof"

Brenda
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  August 13,2009, 8:46am
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If my mom were ill (depending on how severe the illness is) I would not consider dating anyone and I would tell them so. My mom would come first.

If I were in your position I would stop the texting and date others.
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #5  August 13,2009, 8:59am
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Give him the benefit of the doubt for a couple of days. I would let HIM contact you instead of intiating contact. Give him some breathing room and if he really is all that into you, he will pursue you. (once his personal crisis calms down a bit)
I wouldn't cancel my eHarmony membership yet either.
 
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peacepositive is offline peacepositive Post #6  August 13,2009, 9:24am
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Thanks for all the replies!
I am trying to be patient, just seeking advice b/c something doesn't "feel right" about this situation. I understand family obligations and I cannot imagine how I would feel if my parent was ill.
I suppose what has me confused is that he was so intense and persistent to date me exclusively and then suddenly, not so much as a return txt when I have wished him a great day or sent my well wishes for his mother. If a friend sent me a txt like that, I would at least reply with a thank you.
Last night, his text said this at 8pm:
"Hi there. Got back a bit ago. My kids are with me so I don't really have much time to talk. Sorry. Anyway, I'm going back up on Sat. to spend time with my mother. Hope you are enjoying your evening."

I simply responded by saying "have a wonderful time wth your kids! Thanks for touching base. I apologize if I have been pushing myself on you. I didn't intend to."

I haven't heard back from him. If this is someone who wants me as their "girlfriend" and exclusively, I would think a quick call to say hello or goodnight or thanks for thinking of me, would not take more than a minute or two.
That's just me. It's how I would do it. Like I said, something feels weird, but due to my last relationship's baggage, I find myself unsure if I am over analyzing or expecting too much.
I am afraid he has lost interest, even tho he says his silence does not mean that.

Do you think he has lost interest?
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #7  August 13,2009, 10:22am
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Well, I certainly can't pretend to understand the inner workings of the male mind, but I get what you are saying about having an uneasy feeling. The fact that he was so quick to press for exclusivity is a little unsettling in itself. And the thing about him not being able to talk because his kids were there, seems a little fishy too. I am fully capable of exchanging text messages with someone while caring for my little ones. I think your apology for pushing yourself on him should have elicited SOME response, even if it was "No, no way" or if it ticked him off you think he'd reply. BTW I wouldn't have apologized.
I am in a similar situation, just recently met this guy and he is already saying he thinks I'm the one and asking me (half-jokingly at this point I hope) to move in with him. The damndest thing is that I feel the same way and keep thinking about my lease being up next month. He really does seem genuine, and I've never met somebody who makes me feel this way
 
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peacepositive is offline peacepositive Post #8  August 13,2009, 12:10pm
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I agree. I have four children and it takes me mere seconds to reply to someone via text. And there are often times that all I have time to do is give a quick call to say hello and that I have no time for a conversation.

I thought the exclusivity thing was fast too, but his best friend found his soulmate on eHarmony and he and I hit it off so great.! We were matched so well, that it was a bit like a twilight zone movie.

So, I haven't sent him a text or called since last night. I don't have that much invested in this obviously, but I am really just struggling to understand. I told him I wouldn't date others until futher notice to give us the chance to get to know him. So, obviously, here I am turning down others for this weekend and next b/c I am a woman of my word.

Waiting and being patient is one thing, but what am I waiting for? Seriously? If he wants me to be his girlfriend, then wouldn't he want to talk to me and let me know what is going on?

I forgot to mention...the first day we had contact on eHarmony, we completed the guided communication within hours. In a few hours, we had completed all the steps and moved to open communication. At that point (same day) we exchanged numerous emails and then were having a phone conversation by that night. What I mean is that he was completely available all day and he was emailing me from his phone, which he apparently has with him all of the time.

I would love to hear from some men on this issue too!
Is he really just too busy and or
is he just not that into me?

Peace!
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #9  August 13,2009, 5:27pm
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He might just be very focused on his Mom and may find those feelings tough to mix with growing romantic feelings towards you. If you are coming across as needy he may take that as a sign of selfishness. If so, leave him in his cave and he'll sort it out. No pressure.
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #10  August 13,2009, 7:05pm
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lalawyergal wrote :
I would lie low and not text him.......wait for him to text, call, email etc. You really have no way of *actually knowing* that his mother is in a hospital - and certainly even if she was, he could step outside the hospital to make the phone call........

Time will tell - it always does - you should have your answer in the next few days.......

In the meantime, I see no harm in emailing other men, etc, in the event that this man goes "poof"

Brenda
Definitely agree with the above, you really have no way of *actually knowing* what's going on until he's ready to share that with you with honesty. Time will tell.

I'm kind of in the same situation as you are if not worse. Very very similar is cutting down of communication from something that was going all very well for almost 2 years! And all i have is some text messages and some reasons why she doesn't call that lead me to lots of confusion. I know exactly how that feels, the sudden change in communication (or lack of it) it bit beyond me to understand, like yourself, texting someone back or call back doesn't take a few minutes of your life, especially if they are important to you.

Time will tell. let us know how you go...
 
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