Decemberman is offline Decemberman Post #1  August 12,2009, 8:13pm
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I am in quite a dilemma here. I have fallen hard for my ex-girlfriend's best friend. Before I get condemned to the lowest pits of under hell, let me explain. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about two years and it was pretty serious. We were each others first loves back in high school but the relationship did not last into college. She eventually broke it off with me (important to note this) and at first I was heart broken but soon realized it was the right thing to do. We had grown apart and our relationship was suffering from it so breaking things off was the best answer. There was not and has never been any animosity between us since then and we talk to each other often still. We are just good friends and nothing more. This fact has been stated between us on multiple occasions (also important to note). I have absolutely zero romantic feelings towards her now and I believe the same can be said about her feelings towards me. We have been apart for almost four years now, a pretty long time by anyone's calendar.

About two years ago, I was bored on Facebook really late at night and saw one of her good friends was on Facebook as well. I remembered I always enjoyed her company when I was with my ex and decided to strike up conversation. From that moment on, we began talking to one another on a more regular basis and eventually became close friends. I learned that we had so much in common. Our upbringing, our beliefs, our interests, our future plans. The chemistry I felt with her was amazing. I never had so much fun talking to any single person in my life. I soon found myself falling in love with her but at the time she had a boyfriend. That combined with the fact she was my ex's best friend made me bury those feelings for sometime. Recently, about 4 months ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. Our conversation started to become much more romantic over that time and I have gotten strong hints she feels about me the same way I feel about her. The only issue is that she is one of my ex's best friends! Before I even consider making a move, I want to ask my ex if she would be okay with us being together. Based on the information I have given you, would it be reasonable to believe she will be okay with this or should I just drop this love crusade all together? I know there is a lot of taboo with this situation but it cannot ALWAYS be hopeless can it? In certain scenarios, where there is no lingering affection, animosity and mutual respect, it can work right?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  August 12,2009, 9:02pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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I could see asking a friend about dating one of his exes, but asking your ex if you can date one of her friends? I guess I just don't see how this is any of her concern, nor do I see why she should have any say in what you do in your life, even if that includes dating one of her friends. I'd focus less on her and more on the woman you are interested in dating.

Good luck to you!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #3  August 12,2009, 9:31pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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You're worried about dating a best friend of a woman you dated in high school?

It's actually very sweet that you are concerned about you ex's feelings in this way, but you are all adults now so it's time to leave high school behind. As your friend, your ex no doubt wants to see you happy with someone else at this point.

So, go ahead and ask out your new love interest before she gives up on you and you miss your opportunity.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  August 13,2009, 3:21am
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You don't need your ex's permission to ask out one of her friends. Expecially one who you have chemistry with.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  August 13,2009, 7:56am
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I'd say it's completely reasonable to start a relationship with this woman, you can tell the ex about it before hand and ask what she thinks but i don't think you need to ask her actual permission.
If your ex is a good friend she'll probably be overjoyed that two of her friends can find happiness together.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  August 13,2009, 8:21am
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Decemberman wrote :
Before I even consider making a move, I want to ask my ex if she would be okay with us being together.
Normally this is between the friends, not the guy and the ex. I would ask this girl if she has told her friend about you guys.

 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #7  August 14,2009, 9:04am
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She is your "ex". You don't have to ask her approval to date anyone.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 14,2009, 9:35am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I agree with everyone else.
 
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Confession is offline Confession Post #9  September 4,2009, 1:01pm
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I think this was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry wanted to date the roommate.

I have heard of this being done, but personally have no experience with it.

By the way, exs don't get a vote

Good luck.
 
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