Should I let my ex set me up?


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waitingstill is offline waitingstill Post #1  August 10,2009, 8:45am
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Why on earth would my ex-boyfriend want to set me up with one of his friends? It strikes as being very strange. And I know that I shouldn't take him up on the offer, but the curiosity is killing me! Really what is the motivation? And who on earth would he set me up with?

Seriously any insight would be much appreciated.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #2  August 10,2009, 10:47am
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Why the heck not? No harm in going out meeting the guy. He's not your ex.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  August 10,2009, 11:00am
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It sounds like your ex has a healthy distance (maybe more than you?) from your mutual relationship and thinks fixing you up with his friend is a good match. After all, who better to know if you and this guy are a good match than him?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  August 10,2009, 11:08am
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waitingstill wrote :
Why on earth would my ex-boyfriend want to set me up with one of his friends? It strikes as being very strange. And I know that I shouldn't take him up on the offer, but the curiosity is killing me! Really what is the motivation? And who on earth would he set me up with?

Seriously any insight would be much appreciated.
Dont do it.

 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  August 10,2009, 11:14am
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Nanette wrote :
Dont do it.
Why not? What do you think this ex of hers and this other guy have some evil plot against her?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  August 10,2009, 11:51am
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I have to agree with this, find your own boyfriends. the motivations for this are........ odd?
1) way to hang on / keep track....
2)controlling........who you go out with? what's up with that?
3) while no evil plot, doubt altruism for your romantic life is the reason, ....Hey, he wouldn't be your ex then, would he?
Nanette wrote :
Dont do it.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #7  August 10,2009, 12:05pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
I have to agree with this, find your own boyfriends. the motivations for this are........ odd?
1) way to hang on / keep track....
2)controlling........who you go out with? what's up with that?
3) while no evil plot, doubt altruism for your romantic life is the reason, ....Hey, he wouldn't be your ex then, would he?
I don't agree. I find it fascinating the amount of pessimism I read sometimes on these boards. Ironically, I've been accused of a lot of it myself! But really, do you REALLY think it's that odd? Do you really think that her ex is trying to keep tabs on her by setting her up with another guy. Why would you doubt altruism? Just because he's an ex, doesn't mean he was a bad person, did anything wrong, or is trying to get her back. For all we know, they broke up because they were simply incompatible. They might simply now be friends. AND he just might know a guy that is a good fit for her.
I have a friend who is still friends with many of his ex's. It takes a level of maturity and self knowledge to be able to completely get over a relationship and maintain a friendship with that person. Isn't it more likely this guy is there rather than some controlling psyco that has this grand plot to watch his ex's moves through the eyes of another guy??
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #8  August 10,2009, 1:09pm
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Seems very weird to me that an ex would try to set you up. But I don't see how it could hurt to meet him just once. Hey, you might get a clue as to your ex's motivations...
 
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waitingstill is offline waitingstill Post #9  August 10,2009, 2:57pm
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Well thanks for the comment. It wouldn't be so strange to me if we had actually ever moved on to being friends, but all of our interactions have been because we are dating. Obvisously we broke up on friendly terms. We both fell hard, but he is basically selfish and was aware enough that he wasn't ready to give up his selfishness.

I don't think I should throw away an opportunity just because of where it came from. On the other hand I think it would be a way of me keeping track of him, or him of me, and that is totally not cool for the friend, or for me for all that matter.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #10  August 10,2009, 4:21pm
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waitingstill wrote :
Well thanks for the comment. It wouldn't be so strange to me if we had actually ever moved on to being friends, but all of our interactions have been because we are dating. Obvisously we broke up on friendly terms. We both fell hard, but he is basically selfish and was aware enough that he wasn't ready to give up his selfishness.

I don't think I should throw away an opportunity just because of where it came from. On the other hand I think it would be a way of me keeping track of him, or him of me, and that is totally not cool for the friend, or for me for all that matter.
This, to me sounds just crazy. There are way easier ways to keep track of an ex girlfriend than by asking a friend of yours to date her!! Think about it. What if this spy-friend becomes romantically or sexually attracted and involved? That's a big 'ol backfire of a plan if I ever saw it. I mean if you broke up on friendly terms, why do you think he'd want to keep tabs on you to the point of getting someone he knows to date you? Wouldn't that plan be the opposite of your intentions? Maybe I need to watch more daytime soap operas so that this plan makes sense to me. LOL
 
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