therecanbeonlyone is offline therecanbeonlyone Post #1  August 9,2009, 7:47pm
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I've never done anything like this before and am a little curious about some things as far as long distance relationships.I live a faily long distance from my best match after going through well over a hundred other profiles,we have been at the final stages of comminication for about two and a half weeks now.I find her to be very interesting and quite attractive so I think she is a worthy attempt at a real relationship.My question is when and how should we try to actually meet for the first time?Travel would be very difficult for me and I'm not sure if its wise to even mention it to her for fear she might think I'm rushing her.While we have never spoke on the phone I do know thats what should come next, but when?If she does come to visit what would the proper thing do be,suggest she stay in a hotel or stay at my house?Seems the wrong idea can go either way here.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  August 10,2009, 5:51pm
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I don't do LDRs so take my advice for what it is.

Safety on a first meeting is paramount both for her and for you. She should definitely stay at a hotel first. She does not know you and you don't know her no matter how long you e-mail or talk on the phone.

Ideally I think that it may be best when first meeting in an LDR to meet someplace between the two of you. Staying in separate rooms or even separate hotels. There will be those who think that the guy should go to the girls town so that she is on familiar ground.

Now I have to ask why would travel be any more difficult for you than for her? If you develop an ongoing relationship are you always going to make her come visit you?
 
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therecanbeonlyone is offline therecanbeonlyone Post #3  August 10,2009, 7:21pm
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The reason it would be difficult is a long story i will try to make short,currently i'm not allowed to leave my state without good reason,and I doubt the powers that be will see this as a good reason.I was put into a bad situation (that i'm partly to blame for) that I saw no other way to react to,I chose poorly.That was some time ago and I have since been a better man because of it. I hope that noone makes a snap assumption or passes judgement on me but there simply isnt enough room here and I hate telling what happened so many times to so many people over and over again.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  August 10,2009, 7:53pm
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The wisest thing you can do is have an open and honest discussion with her on where the relationship is going and how you both see it progressing - it would not hurt you to know where she stands on the subject of travelling before you get carried away. I would certainly classify her opinion as more important than ours.

As for where she stays - I would NOT recommend your suggest she stays at your place, definitely not during the first visit, or even the first few, depending on how your relationship progresses.

Associated costs should also be discussed between the two of you, depending on both of your circustances, if she is even prepared to travel that is.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  August 10,2009, 9:44pm
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Don't leave it too long, while you can learn a lot about each other talking online or on the phone there is a point beyond which the first meet just doesn't work because of the conscious or unconscious expectations that have built up.
There are just too many cues missing in email no matter how articulate a person may be, and they're cues we really need. When they're not present there is a tendency to project the cues we think might be there and then build an attachment based on the false chemistry we create because we project the ones we want to be there.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #6  August 10,2009, 10:01pm
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I'd say just take it one step at a time. Your next step is to actually talk on the phone...not thinking about how to meet.
And if travel is out of the question for you, it's not reasonable to expect her to come visit you all the time. I'd look at some of those other matches again that live in your state. Plus it's better to maximize your chances by meeting at least a handful of girls. Get your money's worth of the service and don't put all your eggs in a basket so far away.
 
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