Enchantress is offline Enchantress Post #1  August 8,2009, 10:40pm
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just a country girl at heart...

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Im all for the "moving on" and being positive...Im working on me...Hell, I even like me most of the time. Thats better than I ever did before. So, Im over the ex (even though he doesnt seem to want to leave me alone...ok, he cheated {a lot} and then kicked me out and he married the last girl he was cheating with 9 days after our divorce finalized and they have a new baby now) and Ive come to terms with the fact that while I wasnt cheating I also wasnt perfect. So now that I love me and I have the confidence to keep my chin up and stand on my own two feet with my 3 daughters...Im still invisible to men. Im ok with being alone (it isnt what I want but I'll deal with it if it happens) for the rest of my life but I have to wonder...is it me?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 8,2009, 10:45pm
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No, it's not you-kind of. What I mean is that it's not your looks. But If you think you're invisible to men, then you're making yourself invisible. What do you do to invite interest in men?
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #3  August 9,2009, 12:26am
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when you say you are invisible to man, what is it that make you come to that conclusion.

No women is invisible in my eyes, whether i'm interested and/or how i express my interest is another matter.

Elaborate on your perceived 'invisibility'?
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #4  August 9,2009, 2:11am
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Enchantress wrote :
...Im still invisible to men.
Hahah! Look, no one with 3 daughters is invisible. Period! I suppose you might be feeling blokes aren't asking you out, or some such. They mightn't. Their issue. Your issue is what action are you taking. With 3 kids you can't help but circulate. Equally, you have responsibilies so I'm imagining you do get oppotunities to get to pubs, clubs or whatever you call em in Nabraska. And getting hair done, latest fashions, working out at gym may not get so high on yiur agenda. That's just life as a parent. Might require some creative options. I guess e-harm. is one. There are others. All manner of suggestions on e-harm discussion board; some good, some lame. You, speak with one stranger a day, do "a course" or you do the asking out. I've no idea what'll work for you. But you do. You may feel invisable, but you're not.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #5  August 9,2009, 5:16am
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Do you prefer to be "invisible to men" – perhaps to avoid repeating painful experiences? If so, you could well be sending that message loud and clear non-verbally. Alternatively, you might be sending "mixed messages" (wanting contact but also fearing relationships).

In either case (and possibly others) you may seem unapproachable.

Are you too busy with responsibilities to take time for interactions or communication – or to notice when people do pay attention?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  August 9,2009, 6:03am
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[quote=Enchantress;704816]
Im all for the "moving on" and being positive...Im working on me...Hell, I even like me most of the time. Thats better than I ever did before. So, Im over the ex (even though he doesnt seem to want to leave me alone...ok, he cheated {a lot} and then kicked me out and he married the last girl he was cheating with 9 days after our divorce finalized and they have a new baby now) and Ive come to terms with the fact that while I wasnt cheating I also wasnt perfect. So now that I love me and I have the confidence to keep my chin up and stand on my own two feet with my 3 daughters...Im still invisible to men. Im ok with being alone (it isnt what I want but I'll deal with it if it happens) for the rest of my life but I have to wonder...is it me?




I'm not getting a whole lot of "positives" from your OP. Also not sure you're "over the ex" (else why the elaborate explanation?). And I disagree with you being "invisible". So that only leaves you.

You appear to be young. References to being alone the rest of your life seem a little.....premature, to say the least.

I wonder what you are involved in? I'm sure with three girls you get out of the house. You have a job. Why don't you try to strike up a conversation with one new person every day?

Think anybody and everybody. Men, women, couples. In the grocery store, the hardware store, the soccer game, the school play, church, or the park. Anywhere and everywhere.

I think if you expand your acquaintances, it will open up a whole new world. Sooner or later, someone is going to come along. Even in Nebraska. It could be through one of those new people you meet!

(a very long time ago i went to a one-room schoolhouse in Nebraska)
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 10,2009, 8:21am
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I have to agree with j0hn8andy that you are not giving off positive vibes in your post. You may be doing this in person also.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #8  August 10,2009, 8:43am
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JDavid wrote :
Do you prefer to be "invisible to men" – perhaps to avoid repeating painful experiences? If so, you could well be sending that message loud and clear non-verbally. Alternatively, you might be sending "mixed messages" (wanting contact but also fearing relationships).

In either case (and possibly others) you may seem unapproachable.

Are you too busy with responsibilities to take time for interactions or communication – or to notice when people do pay attention?
I think JDavid may be on the money. I have been where you are and I had to ask myself "is it me?" And I think in a way it was. Our non-verbal cues send more messages than we think. When I have allowed a man to get close enough to actually say something to me they have told me that I "act like I don't want to be bothered-and that's why they don't approach me." And when I really allowed myself to think objectively about myself (which is not easy), then I realized he was right! You really have to watch how you carry yourself, how you speak to people. All of that. Honestly sometimes it just takes changing the look on your face - like - ,smile. It could be that simple.

Good luck!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #9  August 10,2009, 8:57am
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TiffanyDiamond wrote :
I think JDavid may be on the money. I have been where you are and I had to ask myself "is it me?" And I think in a way it was. Our non-verbal cues send more messages than we think. When I have allowed a man to get close enough to actually say something to me they have told me that I "act like I don't want to be bothered-and that's why they don't approach me." And when I really allowed myself to think objectively about myself (which is not easy), then I realized he was right! You really have to watch how you carry yourself, how you speak to people. All of that. Honestly sometimes it just takes changing the look on your face - like - ,smile. It could be that simple.

Good luck!
Many young women who are nervous and even a little fearful of meeting men tend to close up in their body language in public. This nervous body language, when looked through a guys eyes, looks like disinterest, aloofness, annoyance, and even anger if he approaches a woman. When I was younger in college and I saw a woman I was attracted to, I would approach or even start a conversation. Their response was so negative, that I would just back off and sometimes not even try-to avoid being rejected yet again. Years later I learned this was the gals just being partly terrified of being approached by a man. The OP needs to maybe learn how not to project negativity in social settings.
Act happy and light up the room and you'll have guys tripping over themselves to get to you first.
 
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SavannahGal is offline SavannahGal Post #10  August 10,2009, 9:19pm
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I agree with the others who question what you mean by invisible. Do you mean men don't walk up to you and initiate conversations?

When I was between relationships, I went through a time when I think I felt much like you. When I became more comfortable with myself again, I started making much more eye contact and smiling more, even saying hello every now and then to someone as I passed by in the grocery store. Instant cure to invisibility--and a real confidence booster when someone smiles back. Smiles are contagious, ya know!
 
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