HELP i don't know how to handle this


View Poll Results: Should I stop dating all together???
Yes 2 33.33%
No 0 0%
Maybe 2 33.33%
Keep trying 1 16.67%
Your A loser! 0 0%
Theres someone out there for you 1 16.67%
Keep the father 0 0%
Ditch the father 0 0%
Keep the other guy 0 0%
Ditch the other guy! 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 6. You may not vote on this poll

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Sammie_Jo is offline Sammie_Jo Post #1  August 6,2009, 6:06pm
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Hi Let me start off by saying I am a 26yr old single parent of a 5yr old with add/adhd and epilepsy. now with that said i have two problems. First There is this guy that i really like but the problem is he'll show up for a few hours every couple weeks sometime every couple months, my son really likes him and when someone asks him if we are dating he says were still talking. How do i handle this one? i am going crazy.. Second problem is my sons father, He has a girlfriend but doesnt really want to be there. He tells me he loves me and we are getting along good. But I am tired of waiting on him and my son adores his dad so i am afraid of him walking away again from my son. so what do I do with this one? I am begining to feel like I am gonna be alone the rest of my life and that all the guys in the world suck butt. Am I nuts for feeling this way or am i seeing something in these two's pattern thats making me this way?
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #2  August 7,2009, 3:30pm
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Sammie_Jo wrote :
Hi Let me start off by saying I am a 26yr old single parent of a 5yr old with add/adhd and epilepsy. now with that said i have two problems.

First There is this guy that i really like but the problem is he'll show up for a few hours every couple weeks sometime every couple months, my son really likes him and when someone asks him if we are dating he says were still talking. How do i handle this one? i am going crazy..

Second problem is my sons father, He has a girlfriend but doesnt really want to be there. He tells me he loves me and we are getting along good. But I am tired of waiting on him and my son adores his dad so i am afraid of him walking away again from my son. so what do I do with this one?

I am begining to feel like I am gonna be alone the rest of my life and that all the guys in the world suck butt. Am I nuts for feeling this way or am i seeing something in these two's pattern thats making me this way?

You have identified issues in your own writing. Both men are unavailable to you, even though they come to you once a while to get what they want from you, neither care to stay with you like a loving partner should in a caring relationship.

And yes it is a pattern you have identified and the common denominator is you, who attracts or allows men to treat you as such. So unless you change, nothing will change.

What makes you think you don't deserve something/someone better than both men described, and go actively search for that person and stand up for yourself, protect yourself and your son by refusing either men to treat you like that?

You have a 5 year old, who needs as much love from his mother and a caring family environment, that would be my first priority in life, neither men can offer that the slightest, all they create is emotional turmoil to reduce your own ability to happily raise your own children. What are you thinking about not walking away?

Love yourself and find someone who truly love you...
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #3  August 7,2009, 4:51pm
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happyquestion wrote :
You have identified issues in your own writing. Both men are unavailable to you, even though they come to you once a while to get what they want from you, neither care to stay with you like a loving partner should in a caring relationship.

First you need to stop letting them float in and out of your life at will. At their will.

What makes you think you don't deserve something/someone better than both men described, and go actively search for that person and stand up for yourself, protect yourself and your son by refusing either men to treat you like that?

I think you need to take some time for yourself and to take care of yourself and your son and stop looking for whatever you think you need from these two people who obviously think more of themselves than they think of you.

You have a 5 year old, who needs as much love from his mother and a caring family environment, that would be my first priority in life, neither men can offer that the slightest, all they create is emotional turmoil to reduce your own ability to happily raise your own children. What are you thinking about not walking away?

My question is what are you really walking away from?

Love yourself and find someone who truly love you...
That's the best advice of all - you need to start loving yourself and when you are really ready work on finding someone who will love you the way you and your son both deserve!
 
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Sammie_Jo is offline Sammie_Jo Post #4  August 7,2009, 4:56pm
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The thing is that with me sons father I am afraid of him walking away from my son and my son is soo attached to him. it took them till this year to get to this point and i dont want to hurt my son by chasing away his dad
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #5  August 7,2009, 5:04pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Ditch them both and look behind door number three. BTW, if the father of your child opts out of your child's life just because the two of you aren't together, he isn't much of a father or a man. That's his child no matter what his relationship with you happens to be, and that should have no influence on if you stay with him or not.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #6  August 7,2009, 5:23pm
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Sammie_Jo wrote :
The thing is that with me sons father I am afraid of him walking away from my son and my son is soo attached to him. it took them till this year to get to this point and i dont want to hurt my son by chasing away his dad
Your son's father does not have to abuse you in order to see his son. If he wants to see his son he will see his son - that is on him. Has nothing to do with you. If he walks away you should not feel guilty - he is the one who is wrong.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  August 8,2009, 5:09am
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Very confusing who is "he " when you say "still talking" and "Tells you he loves you?...
Sammie_Jo wrote :
Hi Let me start off by saying I am a 26yr old single parent of a 5yr old with add/adhd and epilepsy. now with that said i have two problems. First There is this guy that i really like but the problem is he'll show up for a few hours every couple weeks sometime every couple months, my son really likes him and when someone asks him if we are dating he says were still talking. How do i handle this one? i am going crazy.. Second problem is my sons father, He has a girlfriend but doesnt really want to be there. He tells me he loves me and we are getting along good. But I am tired of waiting on him and my son adores his dad so i am afraid of him walking away again from my son. so what do I do with this one? I am begining to feel like I am gonna be alone the rest of my life and that all the guys in the world suck butt. Am I nuts for feeling this way or am i seeing something in these two's pattern thats making me this way?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  August 8,2009, 8:22am
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Sammie_Jo wrote :
Hi Let me start off by saying I am a 26yr old single parent of a 5yr old with add/adhd and epilepsy. now with that said i have two problems. First There is this guy that i really like but the problem is he'll show up for a few hours every couple weeks sometime every couple months, my son really likes him and when someone asks him if we are dating he says were still talking. How do i handle this one? i am going crazy.. Second problem is my sons father, He has a girlfriend but doesnt really want to be there. He tells me he loves me and we are getting along good. But I am tired of waiting on him and my son adores his dad so i am afraid of him walking away again from my son. so what do I do with this one? I am begining to feel like I am gonna be alone the rest of my life and that all the guys in the world suck butt. Am I nuts for feeling this way or am i seeing something in these two's pattern thats making me this way?
please dont let the first guy anywhere near your kid. he has no investment whatsoever in you. this should not be at all confusing to you

concentrate on raising your son and be much more discerning in who you will let into your life

i think you have been given good advice as far as the dad is concerned. i wouldnt complicate it
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #9  August 8,2009, 8:48am
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My opinions: I don't think you're ready to be dating people until you find some inner contentment. You said; "I am begining to feel like I am gonna be alone the rest of my life and that all the guys in the world suck butt." That in and of itself says you're goal is a relationship and without one you aren't complete and happy. That causes you to settle on situations that most already happy people won't tolerate.
Second: the father of your child is in another relationship. You "waiting" on him might be pressuring him to stay clear of you to protect his relationship and making it difficult for him to spend time with his child. You need to FACILITATE not put barriers in developing his relationship with your child. It does your child and you no good to make it hard for his dad to be a father of his child. I know I'm making a big assumption here but I feel that most men really DO want a relationship with their kids and when mothers claim dads don't want to spend time with their kids, there usually is another side to the story.
In summary, don't date until you've learned to live alone and truly be happy. You won't attract a well adjusted man until that happens. AND, stop holding out hope to be in a relationship with the father of your kid and instead work on developing a good PARENTING relationship with him. This is critical for your child!
 
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PhotoSavy is offline PhotoSavy Post #10  August 8,2009, 8:58am
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I see that this situation is hard on you. No one can give you the answers but yourself. It looks like you have already done that, but you need to accept it is what it is. No matter what you do, nothing is going to change. Both men are not there for you. Don't you deserve better? It is important to allow your son to have a relationship with his father, but that does not mean that you have to continue a relationship with you. You should move on and find the things that you enjoy in life, in doing so you may find a person who will love you and care for you the way you deserve.
 
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