Is there such a thing as being to honest?


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Greymolken is offline Greymolken Post #1  August 5,2009, 10:11am
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Is there such a thing as being to honest? I wanted to be upfront about everything so nobody had to waste time. I mentioned in my profile that I was an xl size ( have pics posted) and I have a son with ADHD and Anxiety. Now I feel that honesty is a good quality to have but maybe I'm wrong. Having a special needs child is a huge part of my life and I know I am not the only parent out there with this issue, so why is nobody talking to me? If I didn't mention it right off the bat it would come up later after talking to someone and they would be upset that I didn't say it before. Are there no men out there who are willing to look past this? To meet a good person and a wonderfull little boy? Where are all the caring and understanding people? Does this doom me to be alone forever?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  August 5,2009, 1:22pm
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Please copy and paste your profile on the boards for review from peers........ It will give you valuable insight as to how it is perceived by others as well as advice .

Being honest does not mean overstated, posting your photos is honest, mentioning again in the profile is redundant and sounds too fearful of rejection.......... Also while stating that you have a child is OK, going into too much right away is unwise. Heading things off at the pass is a theory, but it is not a good idea in a profile, nor is sharing too much first.

If you mention too much about children off the bat, it sounds too step-father finding and not romantic. A man wants to date you, get too know you, and then decide what else he wants to take on...
Greymolken wrote :
Is there such a thing as being to honest? I wanted to be upfront about everything so nobody had to waste time. I mentioned in my profile that I was an xl size ( have pics posted) and I have a son with ADHD and Anxiety. Now I feel that honesty is a good quality to have but maybe I'm wrong. Having a special needs child is a huge part of my life and I know I am not the only parent out there with this issue, so why is nobody talking to me? If I didn't mention it right off the bat it would come up later after talking to someone and they would be upset that I didn't say it before. Are there no men out there who are willing to look past this? To meet a good person and a wonderfull little boy? Where are all the caring and understanding people? Does this doom me to be alone forever?
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #3  August 5,2009, 1:25pm
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wishes you all the very best!

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There's a group on here called "Parents of Special Needs Kids" where we talk about the difficulties of dating with a special needs child. Please check it out! You're not alone.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  August 5,2009, 2:06pm
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Let me ask you this? Would you rather they meet up with you, find out and then disappear?

Being honest is good, but there is such thing as too honest. What i would do is leave out the description about the xl size. Your pictures should say all. No need to point it out. As for your child. You should put that down. Its unfortunate, but true that many men do not want to date women with children. Think about it this way. With a child, even one without ADHD and anxiety, is a preexisting obligation that will never go away.

When you date, you're looking to have fun, but at the same time, you're looking for someone who is relationship material and for someone to form a relationship with. With a child, you are asking more of a man than a woman without a child. You are asking a man to accept, not just you, but the obligation to your child. If the relationship progresses farther to possible marriage, you're asking a man to pretty much be this child's father. For some guys, thats too much.
 
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SpookyMulder is offline SpookyMulder Post #5  August 5,2009, 2:58pm
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Leave both of those out.

You want to make sure you're not coming across as woman looking for a father for your kid before you present yourself as a wife for your man. Unless they have children with special needs themselves, many men will read that and go: oh no, that's a lot of responsibility! I don't think you can realistically expect a man to willing share that with you before he falls in love with you. And he's not going to fall in love with you if he doesn't get to know you. My advice would be to hold back telling him until you meet on a first date (I think that's a good balance between full disclosure and too much info too fast). You run the risk of him choosing not to see you again and loosing invested time and emotions, but I think you stand a darn better chance of keeping him if has a chance to like you first.

A lot of times for men, its not unlike an equation: we balance the pros and cons and see if the math works out. Something like a special needs child can be a deal breaker if there isn't something to balance the equation. Does that make sense? But do what you think is best. To thy own self be true.

But loose the bit about being "XL". Nothing that may be interpreted as negative body image. Let 'em know your comfortable with who you are.
Last edited by SpookyMulder; August 5,2009 at 3:24pm. Reason: typo
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #6  August 5,2009, 5:09pm
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I say lose any descriptives about yourself - that's what the pictures are for. Also, I feel it is necessary to mention if you have kids but not necessary to mention that your child has special needs. It's hard enough on the on-line dating sites to meet someone. Being honest is exteremely important but the worst thing you can do is start telling everything up front.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  August 5,2009, 6:01pm
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I would also recommend losing the bit about XL. Unfortunately, a woman's weight is a large factor in what guys find attractive.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #8  August 5,2009, 9:20pm
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I would also add...if the pic in your profile is the SAME photo used to meet potential dates, you should delete it. Having a bird on your head isn't a good look. Instead, take another photo sans the birds and smile!

Best wishes!
 
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Greymolken is offline Greymolken Post #9  August 6,2009, 8:23am
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The following reply is my profile as requested for review. I did edit it a bit with all your advice.
Last edited by Greymolken; August 6,2009 at 8:27am.
 
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Greymolken is offline Greymolken Post #10  August 6,2009, 8:24am
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1. What are you most passionate about? I am passionate about family, friend and animals. Creating forever memories.2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful? 1.
2.
3. 3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why? My grandmother, who has taught me what's important in life and to stop and smell the roses once in a while. Also my best friend who has helped me discover how to be the best me I can be.4. The four things your friends say about you are: Edit Generous
Kind
Loyal
Quiet
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills? Edit Cooking for my family and friends
Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person? What just one? LOL It would have to be honesty and being a good communicator. A sense of humour would be nice too!7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you? People always think I am very serious, but really I am just enjoying listening to what they or others around us have to say before I get ino the conversation.8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD? My sense of humour and that I'm not all that serious after all. You just have to get to know me better to find that out.9. How do you typically spend your leisure time? Reading, boardgames with my son, walking the dog, gardening, watching movies, catching up on housework. Just hanging out with friends. I love to go for adventures in the car and find new places to explore, in or around the area I live in. I love finding special places that I can return to later and share with my friends and family. Travelling up and down backroads of canada is a passion of mine and you can find the most amazing places and wildlife to take pictures of.10. What are five things that you "can't live without?" a. b. c. d. e. 11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it? A series called the Black Dagger Brotherhood. I am on book seven and hope they last forever.!!12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know. My great love/obsession for vampires and the Fae. Shhh don't tell anyone!!!13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you? I am a mom of a wonderful special needs child. I have a good heart and live life to the fullest everyday I can. I want to share my life with a special someone and make great new adventures and memories together.
 
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