Reuniting

Traditional wedding vows state: "For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer." When times were hard for you, she broke the engagement. She showed her true colors when faced with adversity.

I'm going through a bit of emotional confusion right now, and need some help.
Two and a half years ago, I met a girl. We started dating about two weeks afterward, and almost immediately fell in love.

Maybe not infatuation...sounds more like obssession

Yes, love...not infatuation. Well, several months go by and we move in together. So, I bring up the subject of moving our relationship to the next level. She agreed, so I popped the question. Of course, she said yes and we were engaged.
And then things started going down hill. I ran into a bump in my life. My grandfather - a man I always greatly respected and adored - died, and the next day I was laid-off from the best-paying job I've ever had. Well, due to my loss of financial backing, I had to quit school. I went unemployed for a few months, then found a small, low-paying job to make ends meet until I could find another decent job and go back to
school.

Life can be unfair and an enormous challenge, with all sorts of losses. It's how you handle it


However, in my attempts to revive some of the spark that had been lost during my unemployment and subsequent depression, I wound up missing work for a few days while she and I skipped out of town.

Are you blaming her for you irresponsibility loosing a job?????

Needless to say, my boss was done with me, and I was out of a job once again.
Fast forward a few months - more depression, loss of interest in the things we used to do. I find another crap job and same story - round two.

You sound angry and bitter like a victim. Take responsibility for your fate, rather than continually blaming outside events and people.

Three weeks later, she says she needs time to think and that the engagement is off. So, I pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move back home and give her the space she desired. The first few times I went to see her/called her, things usually went from casual catching up to me apologizing for my uselessness as a partner.


Do you want to make her feel guilty for not accepting your "uselessness"

Fast forward several months - unemployed the whole time, depressed to an all-time low. I haven't spoken to her in months, hoping it would give her time to clear her thoughts. Well, I finally find something worth doing. The pay isn't great, but it's a hell of a job without the same, boring routine as all the rest of the job's I've had. It's different. I finally found an actual career.
So, hoping that my new found success will help patch things up, we start talking again and kick around the idea of getting back together. She came down for the weekend and a couple weeks later decided that there is no connection. However, she still loves me, she just says she's not "in love" with me. I still feel the same for her as the day we got engaged, but she just wants to be friends and be done with "us".

I don't blame her, your victim attitude and clingy, obsessive behavior is something any healthy person would back away from.


We're on really good terms as friends...she's my best friend, and she knows that. But she is also the one person I can't live without. And it seems like the harder I try to prove myself, the less interested she gets.
She really does still love me, I can see it in her eyes. It hurts her to tell me she doesn't want to be with me, and that gives me the idea that there is something there...something I can build on for us to start over.

This sounds more like projected wishful thinking

My question is how do I do that without alienating her? How do I reignite that old spark where we both feel a connection?

You can always just have whatever you want, even if you are obsessed with it. She is not one of your possessions, and you are not "entitled " to her love if it just isn't there for you. She said no, grow up and learn how to hear this.

Hi Alpha: I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. However, the upside is that you found out she's not the wife for you.

Traditional wedding vows state: "For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer." When times were hard for you, she broke the engagement. She showed her true colors when faced with adversity.

Use this time to get your affairs in order, complete school, etc. I think you need to forego any thoughts of reigniting any "old sparks" with this woman. Pursuing her when she's made her intentions clear will make you look crazy. She's moved on - you should do the same.