Difference between falling in love and love


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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #1  July 31,2009, 4:35am
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I was reading another post on relationship board, where the OP mentioned that his wife loves him, but not sure if she's in love with him...

This could be due to the fact English is not my first language, could someone enlighten me with the difference here?

What's the difference if you are in love with someone, versus you love someone. (love being romantic love).

Thanks!
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  July 31,2009, 4:57am
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I think with husband and wife teams, one can love the other for being a good parent or a good provider but the passion has waned...therefore they're not "in love" per se.

They're roommates with kids.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  July 31,2009, 5:49am
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happyquestion wrote :
I was reading another post on relationship board, where the OP mentioned that his wife loves him, but not sure if she's in love with him...

This could be due to the fact English is not my first language, could someone enlighten me with the difference here?

What's the difference if you are in love with someone, versus you love someone. (love being romantic love).

Thanks!
You know, I've been exposed to people of various cultures, who speak different languages, and I think the same blur in definitions of those terms happens in most languages...

I think you can love someone without having romantic feelings about them. I love my family and my friends, but I'm not in love with them.

Being "in love" adds that other dimention to Platonic love, which (hopefully) creates a furtile ground for a Romantic relationship.

If I had to really put it into a formula in excel, I would probably define the "in love" component as a mixture of emotional and physical attraction, which is not required for platonic relationships. Then add an immesurable amount of platonic love to form basis of Human Romance. Would that make any sense? in excel, of course?

But then again, I sometimes fall in love with certain ice cream flavors, especially when served with a glass of good sparkling and some strawberries or dark chocolate, so what would I know?

What does your language say on this subject, Happy?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 31,2009, 5:56am
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I "loved" my first husband. I was "in love" with my second.

You can "love" all sorts of people. Your best friend, your siblings, your parents. You can "love" your pet, your car, your house. You can "love" what you do for a living, or your vacation.

But for me, to be "in love" is a focus, almost an obsession, in a good way. That person is number one in your life, beyond anything else that you have. It's so amazing, you wonder why the whole world can't hear your heart sing... You want to shout it from the rooftops.

My second husband "walked on water" and was up on that pedestal so high, he never fell off, even though it might have wobbled a couple times. It's the greatest feeling in the world, and looking back, I am simply amazed I wasted so many years merely "loving" the first husband.

Thinking how it feels, I know I haven't done it justice. But I hope it happens for you someday!

I can tell you I would never settle for "love" again...
Last edited by j0hn8andy; July 31,2009 at 6:03am. Reason: never settle for love again
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #5  July 31,2009, 1:34pm
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Oh thanks guys for your answers.

So basically you are saying that "i love xxx" could be meaning you care deeply about someone without necessarily having a "romantic love" feeling towards them.

And when you say "i'm in love with xxx" meaning you love someone in the romantic sense. Would this be a good summation?

If we all talk about 'romantic love' not the love between us and our friends/family/pets/hobbies etc. would you say that "I love xxx" and "I'm in love with xxx" is the same thing?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  July 31,2009, 3:26pm
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[quote=happyquestion;693738]Oh thanks guys for your answers.

So basically you are saying that "i love xxx" could be meaning you care deeply about someone without necessarily having a "romantic love" feeling towards them.

Yes, it can be "romantic" or not.

And when you say "i'm in love with xxx" meaning you love someone in the romantic sense. Would this be a good summation?

Yes. Except that most mothers will tell you they fall in love with their babies when they first set eyes on them.

If we all talk about 'romantic love' not the love between us and our friends/family/pets/hobbies etc. would you say that "I love xxx" and "I'm in love with xxx" is the same thing?

No, I would not. It's a matter of degree. When you love somebody, it doesn't hurt to let them go. You part ways to go to work--OK, no big deal.

But if you're in love--it can feel like a Greek tragedy, you almost hold your breath till they return. It's like a drug. Most every waking thought is filled with that person, 24/7. They're so perfect they're walking on a path of gold. Your heart overflows to where you almost can't stand it. You are amazed at the sheer wonder of it all, and you're afraid of it, too, because you have so much to lose.

Trust me, you will know the difference when you feel that intensity.

My husband died, but I can still feel it.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  July 31,2009, 7:52pm
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happyquestion wrote :
I was reading another post on relationship board, where the OP mentioned that his wife loves him, but not sure if she's in love with him...

This could be due to the fact English is not my first language, could someone enlighten me with the difference here?

What's the difference if you are in love with someone, versus you love someone. (love being romantic love).

Thanks!
Here's the Hispanic/Latin perspective: romantic love (when you are in love with someone) it is like....
"Hirviendo como agua para chocolate"
{English translation: Boiling like water for chocolate}
If you make Spanish chocolate it is not like the Quick bunny stuff. You have to boil the water a long time so that it is hot enough to melt the chocolate which comes in these thick bars that are quite difficult to break. So what are the references that we can get from this popular saying? Time, patience, strength and you have to keep those romantic flames burning...not all the time but every so often you have to let your S.O. know hey..I burn and long for you. The look says it all

Familial love is totally different...when you truly and deeply love your friends or family it is another saying....
"Ese amor que mata"
{English translation: The love that kills}
Hahaha we have a lot of fun with this. You love your family so much that they can drive you crazy to the point that you just feel like "killing" them or you feel so protective of them that you are like a lioness protecting her cubs. Mostly we use this in the house when one of us siblings is ranting and raving over something the other one has done or said that upsets us.

Either way when you really care for someone they are illiciting some deep and moving feelings. If you aren't feeling any of this then you are basically just indifferent and like someone else put in their answer you become a roomate with kids. So sad but true.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  July 31,2009, 11:15pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
No, I would not. It's a matter of degree. When you love somebody, it doesn't hurt to let them go. You part ways to go to work--OK, no big deal.

But if you're in love--it can feel like a Greek tragedy, you almost hold your breath till they return. It's like a drug. Most every waking thought is filled with that person, 24/7. They're so perfect they're walking on a path of gold. Your heart overflows to where you almost can't stand it. You are amazed at the sheer wonder of it all, and you're afraid of it, too, because you have so much to lose.

Trust me, you will know the difference when you feel that intensity.
I'm not sure I agree that this is called being "in love", dear j0hn8andy!
It is a difficult term to define, let alone translate into words, but when I'm reading the above, I'm reading "obsession" rather than being "in love".

Most of us have to go to work at least 5 days a week - does that mean that people "in love" should not be breathing for at least 5 days week for at least 8-9hrs a day + time to commute to and from, let alone time required for sleeping? And what if one has to go on a business trip for about a month with little time to call or email? With so much Greek Tragedy, all people who are in love, according to that description, would be dead by now, by sheer virture of lack of oxygen in their blood!

I think we are over-complicating matters here. When we are "in love", most of us simply know it. It's a happy feeling that makes us want to spend as much time as possible with our partner, but without suffocating or changing the person we fell in love with in the first place.

Just like I know I love you as a friend, my dear j0hn8andy, without being in love with you (no offense, but I don't fall in love with girls, even when their avatars look perfectly irresistible! ).

Hope this helps, Happy?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  July 31,2009, 11:20pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
Here's the Hispanic/Latin perspective: romantic love (when you are in love with someone) it is like....
"Hirviendo como agua para chocolate"
{English translation: Boiling like water for chocolate}
If you make Spanish chocolate it is not like the Quick bunny stuff. You have to boil the water a long time so that it is hot enough to melt the chocolate which comes in these thick bars that are quite difficult to break. So what are the references that we can get from this popular saying? Time, patience, strength and you have to keep those romantic flames burning...not all the time but every so often you have to let your S.O. know hey..I burn and long for you. The look says it all

I like this one, Princess!
Maybe I should learn Spanish, they say that the third language is easier to learn than the first two.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #10  July 31,2009, 11:38pm
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love is to do your duty. in love is to enjoy the company. grace is to have both.
 
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