How do some of you feel meeting someone dating on eharmony for over a year?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
JustMeLinda is offline JustMeLinda Post #1  July 30,2009, 11:50pm
JustMeLinda's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I am a new member, 50 yrs old, widow of 3 yrs, married for 28, and have not dated in 30 years. I have been in open communication with a potential match. We have emailed for several days and on our second phone conversation today I asked how long he had been with eharmony. He told me over a year and had dated a few potential matches. We continued conversing, but afterwards I really wondered if he was a professional dater? Just met women on eharmony? Was very choosy- or maybe a hard match? Anyone with experience or has some good food for thought would comment on is it best to ask him right up front before our first meeting-which he suggested lunch this wk end, or wait and get to know him better and the concern will become clearer or not matter if we don't connect? I did make it clear that I was pretty traditional.
Last edited by JustMeLinda; July 30,2009 at 11:54pm. Reason: error in wording topic
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #2  July 31,2009, 1:03am
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

JustMeLinda wrote :
I am a new member, 50 yrs old, widow of 3 yrs, married for 28, and have not dated in 30 years. I have been in open communication with a potential match. We have emailed for several days and on our second phone conversation today I asked how long he had been with eharmony. He told me over a year and had dated a few potential matches. We continued conversing, but afterwards I really wondered if he was a professional dater? Just met women on eharmony? Was very choosy- or maybe a hard match? Anyone with experience or has some good food for thought would comment on is it best to ask him right up front before our first meeting-which he suggested lunch this wk end, or wait and get to know him better and the concern will become clearer or not matter if we don't connect? I did make it clear that I was pretty traditional.
Well, let's put it this way. It took me a year on being on eHarmony to meet someone special. I also know people who took longer than that to find someone.

And yes, I went on a good number of dates. 60% were horror stories, 30% were normal dates with no spark, and 10% were women who I wanted to meet again... but there wasn't mutual interest. This could be the same for your guy.

Don't hold it against the guy for how long he's been on eHarmony. That would be a dumb reason to not meet him. Better reasons would be that there's no chemistry, no spiritual compatibility, smoking differences, he doesn't meet your needs, he's not interested, etc...
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  July 31,2009, 5:10am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,266

See profile

In real life it can take a lot longer to meet someone who is right for you. . Actually, it's good that he takes his time to consider things. Do you really want someone who is ready to marry a person they just met on line after a month?
JustMeLinda wrote :
I am a new member, 50 yrs old, widow of 3 yrs, married for 28, and have not dated in 30 years. I have been in open communication with a potential match. We have emailed for several days and on our second phone conversation today I asked how long he had been with eharmony. He told me over a year and had dated a few potential matches. We continued conversing, but afterward I really wondered if he was a professional dater? Just met women on eharmony? Was very choosy- or maybe a hard match? Anyone with experience or has some good food for thought would comment on is it best to ask him right up front before our first meeting-which he suggested lunch this wk end, or wait and get to know him better and the concern will become clearer or not matter if we don't connect? I did make it clear that I was pretty traditional.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  July 31,2009, 6:07am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,668

See profile

JustMeLinda wrote :
I am a new member, 50 yrs old, widow of 3 yrs, married for 28, and have not dated in 30 years. I have been in open communication with a potential match. We have emailed for several days and on our second phone conversation today I asked how long he had been with eharmony. He told me over a year and had dated a few potential matches. We continued conversing, but afterwards I really wondered if he was a professional dater? Just met women on eharmony? Was very choosy- or maybe a hard match? Anyone with experience or has some good food for thought would comment on is it best to ask him right up front before our first meeting-which he suggested lunch this wk end, or wait and get to know him better and the concern will become clearer or not matter if we don't connect? I did make it clear that I was pretty traditional.
Well this is my experience in a nutshell.

I have been on eHarmony continuously since January 2008, with a couple of months when matching was turned off because I actually had a match that would go out more than just the first date.

It was 7 1/2 months before I got the first match that would communicate all the way to Open Communication. About 10 months before I had my first eHarmony date. Eleven months before I had the first match that would go out more than the first date. In all my time on eHarmony I have dated fewer than 10 matches and only two that have lasted more than a first date.

Does this make me a professional dater, I don't think so. Do I just meet women on eHarmony, well the only place that I do meet women is via eHarmony but I don't think that is what you are really asking. I am not looking to just meet women, I am looking for "the one" to build a LTR with. Am I very choosy, well yes, since I am interested in building a LTR the one that I am going to do that with is going to have to be the "right" one. But I will go out with most anyone at least once. You will never know if there is "chemistry" until you meet in person. Am I a hard match, don't know, maybe.

Since the likelyhood is that you won't connect there may be no need to ask him why he has been on eHarmony for over a year. If you had asked me this question I would have thought little of it and give the answers above. Had you found something in this answer to not be to your liking and closed me out before meeting then I would just put you in the category of most of my matches and moved on.

FWIW you have a big red flag to me.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 31,2009, 6:31am
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,095

See profile

Funny you asked. There was a thread awhile back where "older" people on eHA didn't want to meet the "newbies"!
 
  Reply With Quote
wishamee is offline wishamee Post #6  July 31,2009, 10:58am
wishamee's Avatar

has really enjoyed touring her State this summer.

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

PA

Posts: 260

See profile

Relax, Linda. It may surprise you but many people on eharmony (eH) and this dating advice board (eHa) have been around off and on for a long time.

Most of us are sincere in finding the "right" person, and feel that takes time.

Also, there are many matches on eH who are probably not members, & that never respond at all. So the actual number of people you really get to meet is much smaller than expected.

If you've been in communication with a responding member, don't take it for granted- try to connect in person and figure out if you like him.
 
  Reply With Quote
carose is offline carose Post #7  July 31,2009, 11:27am
carose's Avatar

found the man of her dreams

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

USA

Posts: 61

See profile

I am new to eh too and got spooked by a guy who I went out with it who I thought was Christian but in fact was a Mormon.
When I veiwed his personality profile it was in a really odd format - so I called customer service because I thought my matches were seeing a different version of my personality profile than I was and I wanted a copy of what they were seeing.
It turned out that my guy just had a super old version of the eh profile and had been a member for a long time.
So, I didn't see him again because I got this creepy feeling that he was a serial wife finder...
 
  Reply With Quote
ngawildflower is offline ngawildflower Post #8  July 31,2009, 11:38am
ngawildflower's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2008

Smyrna, GA

Posts: 30

See profile

From what I have observed with people I both know personally as well as posts I have read many people have been on eH for what you seem to consider a *long* time. But I find it is for just the opposite reason. They are not serial daters. They close or get closed on far more matches than they go on dates and I think this is because eH members are far more cautious about who they choose to communicate and meet - sometimes way too cautious if that is possible. And I will say having been on other dating sites prior to this one the quality of people I have met here is far superior to those of the other sites. I know there can be wierdo's here too but I seemed like I ran across tons of them on the other sites!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Culteral differences | Ask a Dating Expert | Help, Serial Dater »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Nominate YOUR city to be an upcoming eHarmony Advice Metro Dating Guide eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 16 September 23,2011 5:07pm
50% closed with reason other on first communication mzzButterfly Using eHarmony 33 March 13,2011 10:13am
Online Dating: Top 5 Tips for Using eHarmony PWR Using eHarmony 4 January 10,2011 3:54pm
Hey there! Do you folks ever feel like dating is like 'Crossing the River?' Shads Dating 53 July 30,2009 8:52pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Dang! I feel so deprived at moments like this! I'm not allowed to watch TV. Pray tell, what is this condom twister spot? Sounds interesting. Can you include a link, or am I to be forced to Google ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“This is an obsession over a passing fling with a player...You keep reationalizing and defending it to avoid the truth about being played. Hoping it was so special and that you were so special to ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“That explains his magic cape of attentiveness. It kept you focused and flirty flattery, rather than filing reports or claims...that would not look good in his file or raise his insurance rates.. the ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“Hi Emma and John! Thank you once again for the comments. I've realized that the willingness to be in a long distance relationship does pose to be the major problem. But yes, I'm just gonna continue ... ” –  elyone

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“One of my in-laws had a 17 year old nephew self-destruct recently. He broke into his parents' gun cabinet. No one has any idea how he knew where they kept the ammunition. The funeral was today and ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:02am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0