Older Woman Younger Man (12 year age gap)


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solbe is offline solbe Post #1  July 30,2009, 3:57pm
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So, I fell in love with a 27 year old man. He purused me for (1) year before I caved and accepted his invitation to go to lunch with him. He had a young 21 year old girlfriend, who was more gone than there, and we spent a lot of time together. We dated for 8 months, the girlfriend didn't seem like an issue, as she was barely around. Once he addressed her not being around after 2 months once school was out, and he told her that he was seeing someone else, she left him for (1) day, moved out, and then he dumped me. I don't know what happened, but I miss him and love him very much. He still calls at least 2 times a week to check in. Will come see me at work, and keeps it short. He won't engage in any discussion about us, and I keep it superficial too, but my heart is breaking, absolutely breaking. He saved my health, I was overweight and feeling old when he developed an interest in me. I am now losing the weight, I look great, and feel great, and now he has distanced himself. What am I going to do? I love him so much, I don't even care about the age difference anymore. I just love him. Wow, this sucks. I am 40 years old.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  July 30,2009, 7:01pm
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Wow, solbe. I'm sorry this is happening but this guy never seemed available. His weekly "check-ins" probably makes this process more difficult. Have you considered severing all ties?

I applaud your weight loss and encourage you to stay the course to health and wellness. You never know...you could meet someone at the farmer's market or the gym.

Hugs and best wishes.
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #3  July 30,2009, 9:10pm
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Age difference is not an issue (or shouldn't be an issue) for a healthy relationship, it is what you and he both want out of the relationship.

At the time you see him that he still sees his girlfriend, that part puzzles me a bit, and you didn't seem to mind? He has a girlfriend? so where are you placed, just because he sees you also, does it mean that he's devoted to you emotionally and committed to make the relationship work?

Good that you became stronger in the process with feeling better about yourself and losing weight, it is you who brought the change, keep at it.

In the meantime look at if this is the right person who will be emotionally available to you and to the change in you.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #4  July 30,2009, 9:50pm
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You cannot wait around for him.

You can keep contact with him on an occasional basis but you must keep yourself open to others.

He is going to do what he wants & more importantly he is going to do it at his pace.

You will need to have a great deal of patience to wait for him to come around. That kind of patience does not exist. As long as he is the only one on your mind, it will be very painful.

If luck has it that the 2 of you do come together at some point then that would be great but you cannot gamble on that.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  July 31,2009, 1:19am
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solbe wrote :
So, I fell in love with a 27 year old man. He purused me for (1) year before I caved and accepted his invitation to go to lunch with him. He had a young 21 year old girlfriend, who was more gone than there, and we spent a lot of time together. We dated for 8 months, the girlfriend didn't seem like an issue, as she was barely around. Once he addressed her not being around after 2 months once school was out, and he told her that he was seeing someone else, she left him for (1) day, moved out, and then he dumped me. I don't know what happened, but I miss him and love him very much. He still calls at least 2 times a week to check in. Will come see me at work, and keeps it short. He won't engage in any discussion about us, and I keep it superficial too, but my heart is breaking, absolutely breaking. He saved my health, I was overweight and feeling old when he developed an interest in me. I am now losing the weight, I look great, and feel great, and now he has distanced himself. What am I going to do? I love him so much, I don't even care about the age difference anymore. I just love him. Wow, this sucks. I am 40 years old.
What are you going to do? You should move on with your life. And I know that's tough advice to hear when you're in love with someone. But you deserve someone who will love you back. That's the goal in a relationship, right? So you should cut out contact with this guy, and allow yourself to grieve for the relationship, then when you're ready, to go back out there and start dating, and eventually you'll find that not only are there a lot of single men out there, but there is someone out there for you.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  August 3,2009, 8:10am
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I'm sorry to say that I would bite the bullet and sever those ties, stop seeing him at all, no phone calls, nothing.

I say that because it's hurting you to continue as you are.

Good luck.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  August 3,2009, 10:06am
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I'm really sorry this happened to you.

I have to be honest with you, this guy was never really with you. In all honesty, it sounds like you were someone to fill in the gaps when his girlfriend was off doing her own thing.

I think you should sever all ties with him. The more you talk with him, the more your heart is going to break. Don't see him, don't allow him to come see you at work, no calls, no anything. Just let the whole thing go.

Best wishes to you.
 
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RocIsle is offline RocIsle Post #8  December 19,2010, 8:42pm
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I am not a member of eH yet but I was looking for some advise. My sistuation is sort of similar to solbe except I have not met the guy. After two days of emailing we moved to IM. I am 16 yrs older so I tried to dissuade him but he was insistence and I was flattered by his attention; people say I look so much younger than my age. I haven't dated or been with anyone for 6 yrs so I developed feelings real fast. After a month of IMing he sent me his phone no and asked me to call him. I also gave him my no. One day I called him and said I'd be passing by his area and would he care to meet for coffee later on? No response. IM stopped - lots of excuces. Told me he'd call on a certain day but didn't until 5 days later. He say things in his email that are so sweet and nice and keep me hoping we'll meet soon. One day I called and left a msg; I felt that I was being strung on. He emailed and said he wsn't and said lovely things. Few days later I called and he said those "lovely things" he said was all a joke. I felt like he stuck a knife right into my stomach and twisted it. That was three weeks ago and I haven't email or call. The last couple of days I've been seeing him on line (IM) but I haven't responded yet. I hurt yet I can't forget what he said. My stomach still twisted painfully when I see his name pop up.

So here I am looking for advise. Thanks.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #9  December 19,2010, 10:15pm
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Holy Spicoli! You fell for a guy that had a girlfriend already and you don't know what happened???? Look on the bright side, at least you're getting fit. 40 ain't old. 80 is old. Your'e only halfway there.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  December 19,2010, 10:36pm
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Old thread ...

Hi RockisRedil and welcome to EHA -- you should start a new thread for your question; it'll get more attention that way. Go to the forum main page, pick "Forum Tools" then "Post a New Thread", give it a title, copy/paste your post here into it, and there you go.
 
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