confusedcougar is offline confusedcougar Post #1  July 30,2009, 1:37pm
confusedcouga…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

I am 40 years old and very much confused and heart sore. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a good man who loved me for me. Recently (after becoming engaged last year) he has told me that he just wants to be friends with me and another woman. This woman I am friends with and know that she is having issues, some of which he has been through in his own life. He has told me that down the road perhaps......PERHAPS we can have once more what we had before. But only time will tell, is it possible for men and women to be friends and nothing more? I am staying with him financially because neither of us can afford our own place. Is he worth waiting for him to get his head together or should I move on and let him do the same?
 
  Reply With Quote
meechee1 is offline meechee1 Post #2  July 30,2009, 2:00pm
meechee1's Avatar

I just adopted a Yorkie pup!

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 125

See profile

It sounds like you should move on. He wants to leave himself open to relationships with other women. It'll be hard I'm sure, but I wouldn't want to stay with someone who tells me that PERHAPS we'll have something more. That's his way of saying "it's time to hit the bricks".
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  July 30,2009, 2:38pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

confusedcougar wrote :
I am 40 years old and very much confused and heart sore. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a good man who loved me for me. Recently (after becoming engaged last year) he has told me that he just wants to be friends with me and another woman. This woman I am friends with and know that she is having issues, some of which he has been through in his own life. He has told me that down the road perhaps......PERHAPS we can have once more what we had before. But only time will tell, is it possible for men and women to be friends and nothing more? I am staying with him financially because neither of us can afford our own place. Is he worth waiting for him to get his head together or should I move on and let him do the same?
I think there's little chance he has any inclination to continue things with you down the road. Most likely his leaving this as a possibliity if just a way of 'letting you down easy' (at least in his mind) and trying not to feel like such a bad guy. The fact that he said he wants to be friends with 'you and another woman' makes it seem pretty likely that he's interested in this woman. Otherwise, why even mention her?
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  July 30,2009, 2:42pm
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,266

See profile

Agree with post below. he doesn't want to evict you, but wants your "permission" to have an affair with this woman.
jayjay wrote :
I think there's little chance he has any inclination to continue things with you down the road. Most likely his leaving this as a possibility if just a way of 'letting you down easy' (at least in his mind) and trying not to feel like such a bad guy. The fact that he said he wants to be friends with 'you and another woman' makes it seem pretty likely that he's interested in this woman. Otherwise, why even mention her?
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 30,2009, 3:01pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

confusedcougar wrote :
I am 40 years old and very much confused and heart sore. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a good man who loved me for me. Recently (after becoming engaged last year) he has told me that he just wants to be friends with me and another woman. This woman I am friends with and know that she is having issues, some of which he has been through in his own life. He has told me that down the road perhaps......PERHAPS we can have once more what we had before. But only time will tell, is it possible for men and women to be friends and nothing more? I am staying with him financially because neither of us can afford our own place. Is he worth waiting for him to get his head together or should I move on and let him do the same?
I have to agree with the others here and say you should move on, in my humble opinion, of course. I wouldn't stay with him financially either - there are usually other options available, once you've had time to consider the situation a little better. a GOOD MAN simply wouldn't treat you like this, not PERHAPS about it, from where I see it.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more positive about this - I believe in giving people many chances, but there comes a time when all chances are exhausted. It is only wise to acknowedge when it's time to cut our losses, learn from our mistakes, leave them in the past, and move on to a hopeful brighter future. There is no need to cause yourself extra pain by staying. By the sound of it, your man has already caused you enough pain by his actions or lack thereof.

Take good care of yourself and you heart, and look forward to BETTER REAL MEN in your future. Don't settle for a dream again. Good Luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #6  July 30,2009, 4:43pm
Icouldwriteab…'s Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

Denver, Colorado

Posts: 540

See profile

You could also interpret "things could possibly happen down the road" as "you stay in the wings while I try out this new girlfriend so I can come back to you if I feel like it.

Also, who says you can't afford to live on your own. Okay, if you are not "together" then you are roommates. Sooooo....why can you not get a female roommate to share expenses with. The only difference would be that you are not sleeping together.

And finally, if I met a guy who wanted to date me, and he told me "by the way, I am still living with my ex-girlfriend" I would say NEXT!

So, living together is not good for him either.

You both need to make a clean break of things.
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #7  July 30,2009, 5:08pm
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

confusedcougar wrote :
I am 40 years old and very much confused and heart sore. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a good man who loved me for me. Recently (after becoming engaged last year) he has told me that he just wants to be friends with me and another woman. This woman I am friends with and know that she is having issues, some of which he has been through in his own life. He has told me that down the road perhaps......PERHAPS we can have once more what we had before. But only time will tell, is it possible for men and women to be friends and nothing more? I am staying with him financially because neither of us can afford our own place. Is he worth waiting for him to get his head together or should I move on and let him do the same?
Move out - find roomate.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« When does a man know..... | Ask a Dating Expert | what would you do? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Confused!! Warning: this is LONG SaugaGirl Ask a Dating Expert 10 July 30,2009 3:18am
Completely Confused harmony1234 Ask a Dating Expert 13 July 20,2009 12:05am
Hurt and confused Noway4me Ask a Dating Expert 4 July 11,2009 6:25pm
Confused and heart-broken Atlantaguy77 Relationships 13 June 29,2009 3:23pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Dang! I feel so deprived at moments like this! I'm not allowed to watch TV. Pray tell, what is this condom twister spot? Sounds interesting. Can you include a link, or am I to be forced to Google ... ” –  tweet37

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“This is an obsession over a passing fling with a player...You keep reationalizing and defending it to avoid the truth about being played. Hoping it was so special and that you were so special to ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“That explains his magic cape of attentiveness. It kept you focused and flirty flattery, rather than filing reports or claims...that would not look good in his file or raise his insurance rates.. the ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“Hi Emma and John! Thank you once again for the comments. I've realized that the willingness to be in a long distance relationship does pose to be the major problem. But yes, I'm just gonna continue ... ” –  elyone

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“One of my in-laws had a 17 year old nephew self-destruct recently. He broke into his parents' gun cabinet. No one has any idea how he knew where they kept the ammunition. The funeral was today and ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:01am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0