casperko77 is offline casperko77 Post #1  July 29,2009, 5:06pm
casperko77's Avatar

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

After leaving a 6 year relationship 8 months ago I decided to join Eharmony. I have met some great guys and there is one that I have been seeing a lot of. Our first date was going out to dinner and now I have been going over to his house 2 or 3 days a week. We have kissed, held hands, cuddled and spent a lot of time talking on the phone. He has been sick and I have helped him by bringing dinner or helping with symptoms when he asks. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.
I really like this man and the above actions and conversations make me think that he also likes me but I feel so weird about asking to spend time with him. What do I do?
Do I feel like this because I haven't dated for so long?
How do I spend more time with him? How do I get him out of the house? Please help I me. I do not want to mess this up.

Thank you
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  July 30,2009, 7:07pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

casperko77 wrote :
After leaving a 6 year relationship 8 months ago I decided to join Eharmony. I have met some great guys and there is one that I have been seeing a lot of. Our first date was going out to dinner and now I have been going over to his house 2 or 3 days a week. We have kissed, held hands, cuddled and spent a lot of time talking on the phone. He has been sick and I have helped him by bringing dinner or helping with symptoms when he asks. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.
I really like this man and the above actions and conversations make me think that he also likes me but I feel so weird about asking to spend time with him. What do I do?
Do I feel like this because I haven't dated for so long?
How do I spend more time with him? How do I get him out of the house? Please help I me. I do not want to mess this up.

Thank you
You mentioned that he was sick--is he still ill, or is doing better these days? I'm wondering if this might be the reason that he has not suggested doing more things out of the house. Also, it may just be that this is his routine. If you make other suggestions, he may take you up on them. So, why don't you invite him out to do an activity that you know you will both enjoy?

As for spending more time with him, I don't know what to tell you as far as that is concerned. I would suspect that being in a relationship for as long as you were previously probably allowed you to become accustomed to seeing your SO whenever you wished. That takes time, though, and you don't mention how long you have been seeing him or if you are in an exclusive relationship. If it was me, I'd probably just ask to see him more often if that is what you would like to do.

Asking to see him is something you will have to get used to, as well. His time is his, just as your time is yours. You need to make sure you are on the same page as far as your relationship is concerned, as well. Are you the only one initiating plans, or is he doing this as well? It takes time to get to where you were before, and patience is a key in getting there.

I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #3  July 30,2009, 7:16pm
MCMLXXII's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

...in the Bible-belt.

Posts: 252

See profile

Staying in the house is a dealbreaker, for me. I understand he was sick and you played the "Nurse Betty" role. But if his health has rebounded, the burdeon's on him to court you properly.

It's not your role to figure out how to get him out of the house. Take a step back and let him step up.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  July 30,2009, 7:52pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

I'm in a philosophical mood today, so I'm going to offer this -

Try helping without understaning, for a little while longer. He must be suffering greatly to keep his pain so close to his chest. Maybe he is not Mr Average Joe. Maybe he's been hurt so badly that he needs more proof of your truthfulness and loyalty than an average Joe. And maybe, in his own uniquely coded male ways, he's letting you know how much you mean to him and how much he does not really want you to go anywhere, or you would not be so torn about it now.

Maybe understanding all of the above will bring you enough peace for now.

And hope that in time he will be comfortable enough to offer you enough information for you to gain the understanding you so need, as we all do, so don't beat yourself up either - what you are feeling is perfectly natural and normal.

But all of that is only applicable if he means a lot to you and you don't really want to give up on this relationship just yet, even if it frustrates you at times.

Are the rewards you reap from it make it worthwhile?

If not, then walk away to avoid hurting yourself and him even more in the long run. Life is not a fairy tale, although it helps to dream at times. But in reality there are no perfect or ideal people or relationships. And we all have our own deal breakers. You just need to decide if this is one of yours.

Personally, I don't want a Mr Average Joe - they mostly bore me these days, so I'd try to stick it out for a while. But I'm not you, and this decision is purely subjectively yours to make, and yours alone.

Good Luck to both of you!
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  July 30,2009, 7:57pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

MCMLXXII wrote :
It's not your role to figure out how to get him out of the house. Take a step back and let him step up.
+1
[just found out there's a 10 character minimum on posts now]
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  July 31,2009, 1:24am
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

casperko77 wrote :
After leaving a 6 year relationship 8 months ago I decided to join Eharmony. I have met some great guys and there is one that I have been seeing a lot of. Our first date was going out to dinner and now I have been going over to his house 2 or 3 days a week. We have kissed, held hands, cuddled and spent a lot of time talking on the phone. He has been sick and I have helped him by bringing dinner or helping with symptoms when he asks. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.
I really like this man and the above actions and conversations make me think that he also likes me but I feel so weird about asking to spend time with him. What do I do?
Do I feel like this because I haven't dated for so long?
How do I spend more time with him? How do I get him out of the house? Please help I me. I do not want to mess this up.

Thank you
Just view the first 8-9 dates as fun, get to know you dates, and then after that, you might want to talk about exclusivity (without pressure), if you think it's a good time to talk with him about it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  July 31,2009, 5:18am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,266

See profile

I have to totally agree with the post below. Why are you going over there all the time bringing him dinner etc.? Does he plan anything to take you out? If you are doing all the work here to make it easy for him to just sit around the house, what does he think of you? Please test this by stepping back and seeing if he has interest other than your being convenient.
MCMLXXII wrote :
Staying in the house is a deal breaker, for me. I understand he was sick and you played the "Nurse Betty" role. But if his health has rebounded, the burden's on him to court you properly.
It's not your role to figure out how to get him out of the house. Take a step back and let him step up.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« what would you do? | Ask a Dating Expert | No certain decision for a second dates...what to do? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
e-Harmony Christians canmia Christian Singles 20 July 26,2009 5:39pm
A matter of perspective... Emme Dating 16 July 21,2009 6:59pm
I'm not quite understanding what to do here? priest_bass 20ish and proud to be... 4 July 2,2009 12:29pm
Why is understanding history important to understanding politics? outlaw1 Politics 16 June 20,2009 4:55am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did everything. And the repairs where sure expensive. Grr!I paid for them too. :-/” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“I think people change their "type" depending on what they think they need at that point in their lives. It's so subjective that it might be best if we all just let someone else choose a mate for us ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Changing your "type"” discussion

“In the end, aren't we all winners?” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“4: sex um. both our values hold sex for marriage, so the next best thing to do when you are driven by lust, i guess is making out? If sex equals marriage, then if his goal is to have sex with you, ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Confused~ He likes me or He wants sex?” discussion

“You know, profile writers remind me of junior high school. The kids who came into an exam clueless, and just rambled on and on, hoping that in there somewhere(?) might possibly be something that the ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “How much profile do you like to read?” discussion

“Chemical burns when one splashes around in nature are no fun! Tree farming, huh. Tax breaks or love of all things tree... Tax break. (I can make these calls, because I'm on the internetz.) He ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“The standard method is to eliminate alcohol and bread (and any other gassy carbs) from your diet. You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“My boyfriend will be meeting my ex-boyfriend for the first time this weekend so I will let you know how it goes. He almost met him awhile ago so I thought about this before. I told my boyfriend that ... ” –  alethea

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:59am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0